We make some more coffee.
“You need to make up your mind. You need to decide if you’re over Howard. If you’re not you need to work things out and be a family again”
“I don't have to take this crap from you”
“If you're so over him, why aren't you seeing anyone? “I see people, and I kissed Robbie, remember?” “That’s a new entry and does not technically count. Have you slept with anyone since you moved out from your home? “What the hell does that have to do with anything? That will prove I'm over Doug? Are you suggesting I should sleep my way to oblivion? You know I can’t. I will make love to somebody when it is making love”
“Are you finished now? “...Yes. Did I overreact?” “Can I say something?”
“Yes.” “ ...I'm sorry. You take your time. But you have to let someone else in. You cannot keep turning to Howard every time you need a human touch”
The cook enters the kitchen and we can tell she’s not happy to see her kingdom invaded by us.
“The kids will be up soon, I better shower and I go collect my husband before his children see him like that”
“Can I help?”
“What do you have in mind?”
“Two words: water and a bucket”
“Wicked”
We walk to the garden and to the table where Gary and Mark are sleeping, “We need to give them a fair chance to avoid the unavoidable”
“I do agree Hutch”
“Thanks Starsky” and she gets closer to her husband and whispers with a very low voice “honey, honey wake up”
Nothing, nicht, niente, rien. They are not moving.
“Does it count as a fair chance to avoid the unavoidable to you?”
I don’t even answer; I simply empty a bucketful of cold water all over them. We’re enjoying the scene with our arms crossed.
“Have you ever heard anyone screaming like that?” she asks.
“Not since we watched the Blair Witch Project”
“That’s what I thought”.
The house is back to life, the kids are running around the corridors, people are having breakfast and I decide to check on Howard.
I open the door to the bedroom and he’s lying on his stomach in the center of the bed. I get closer and stroke his hair. I look at him and move my mouth close to his cheek, I kiss it and then I yell in ear “HONEY WAKE UP!”
He literally jumps off the bed “What the fuck!”
“Morning to you too, it’s present time”
Howard is always grumpy in the morning “What time is it? Why did you wake me up in a such a sweet way? I was dreaming … about you actually” I see he’s remembering about last night, he has the biggest smile on his face, “it was fantastic, wasn’t it? It was like we used to be”
“Yes, this is your present”
“Morning kiss?”
I don’t let me get closer, “Present” and he understands last night was just a parenthesis, nothing changed. We’re as miserable as we were before dinner.
He sighs and starts unwrapping the little box I gave him. There are four keys inside. “What is it? The keys to your heart?”
“No, these are the keys to 4 rooms in a 5 star hotel in Formentera. I booked you and your partners in crime for 4 nights. Your plane leaves tonight at 9. It’s all been taken care of. With all the rehearsing for the tour I thought you might use a break from it and us. You go and have fun”
“I’ll trade the three of them for one of you”
“I am one and I am not coming”
“I had to try” he puts his pants back on, walks to the door, ready to show his best smiling face to the world and starts yelling “Vamos! Vamos! My lovely lady is shipping us to Spain!”
Jason is already in the mood and is playing some flamenco tunes in the living room; Emily and Antigone are trying to improvise a dance when the entrance door opens.
Dominick looks like he survived a tornado.
“What the hell happened to you?”
“Bother, you have no idea. I was sexually abused! Over, and over, and over! It was absofuckinlutely fantastic!”
Jason turns towards Gary “I’m almost positive he was adopted”.
I’m playing with Daniel when I notice Dawn and Mark talking in the garden. Mark is smoking and doesn’t seem too happy having to answer her questions.
“This Robbie, what is he really like?”
“He’s a good lad, really. Fucked up but who’s not these days?”
“Mark I need to understand, what do you think about it, them?”
“Frankly, I’m so scared about what might happen I haven’t even thought about it. They were friends back then, almost same age, but she’s always been into older men and he considered her his mother hen. She was basically taking care of him as you would do with a puppy you find in the street. They would go out, have fun, that’s it. But if he thinks he wants her there’s no stopping Robbie, so you’ll need to stop her’
“I won’t”
He is truly surprised “I want you to picture the following situation: they get together, it won’t last I guarantee you, but in the meantime paparazzi will spot them, pictures everywhere, Howard will find out and that will be the end. He cannot take another blow. It would be too much and you know it. There are 5 billions people in the world. Half of them men and she wants the only one she can’t have. What would Gary say? And Jason? She needs to give it up”
“They are adults, and I think she should give it a chance”
“He doesn’t know”
“Fuck”
“The word I was looking for. Robbie can’t deal with crisis; once she tells him he will run away so fast he won’t have the time to close the door behind him”
She thinks about what to say next “still, stay away from them. Promise”
“I promise but it’s a major mistake”
His phone rings, “Speaking of the devil, it’s Robbie, we were supposed to have lunch together”
“Tell him you’re busy”
“Hi, mate, yes, see I’m sorry but Dawn doesn’t want me to see you. She ordered me to stay away from you and Emilia … What? ... Sure, I will” hangs up and tells her “he says he loves you and he forgives you for being married to Gary”.
We’re all saying our goodbyes; Antigone is sitting in the back, reading a comic book and listening to her ipod. I hug everyone “have a safe trip to Spain and have fun guys”
“We will” they answer.
I get closer to Howard “I put the papers in you bag. Sign them”
“I’m not signing the bloody divorce papers”
Mark looks at me, and at him and shakes his head.
I get in the car and leave. Alone at last. I check my answering machine and there’s another message from Robbie.
‘I tried to call you at least a million times. The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe either (1) your body got snatched by evil aliens and you are trying to break free while I’m wasting my time dialing your number instead of coming to your rescue, (2) your body was not snatched by evil aliens but don't want to talk to me, or (3) you’re there, by your phone, desperately want to talk to me, but Gary tied you to a chair forcing you to listen to ‘Reach Out’ over and over. If it's either (1) or (2), please call me back.’
I call him. “Ciao, I’m on my way back to London, I won’t be able to stop, I have Antigone with me. Do you think you can come to London? You owe me a dinner”
“Are you sure you cannot stop by even for a couple of minutes? I really need to see you”
“No, if you want to see me come to London”
“I cannot move about in this country, it’s open season on Robbie Williams”
“Then I guess Mark is right and it’s simply not meant to be”
“You need to understand the words ‘Mark’ and ‘right’ never ever go in the same sentence, unless you squeeze a ‘not’ in the middle. I’ll see you tomorrow and if I end up on the Sun front page I’m taking you down with me”
“Hummm, so tough and self-confident. Sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number”.
“You need to make up your mind. You need to decide if you’re over Howard. If you’re not you need to work things out and be a family again”
“I don't have to take this crap from you”
“If you're so over him, why aren't you seeing anyone? “I see people, and I kissed Robbie, remember?” “That’s a new entry and does not technically count. Have you slept with anyone since you moved out from your home? “What the hell does that have to do with anything? That will prove I'm over Doug? Are you suggesting I should sleep my way to oblivion? You know I can’t. I will make love to somebody when it is making love”
“Are you finished now? “...Yes. Did I overreact?” “Can I say something?”
“Yes.” “ ...I'm sorry. You take your time. But you have to let someone else in. You cannot keep turning to Howard every time you need a human touch”
The cook enters the kitchen and we can tell she’s not happy to see her kingdom invaded by us.
“The kids will be up soon, I better shower and I go collect my husband before his children see him like that”
“Can I help?”
“What do you have in mind?”
“Two words: water and a bucket”
“Wicked”
We walk to the garden and to the table where Gary and Mark are sleeping, “We need to give them a fair chance to avoid the unavoidable”
“I do agree Hutch”
“Thanks Starsky” and she gets closer to her husband and whispers with a very low voice “honey, honey wake up”
Nothing, nicht, niente, rien. They are not moving.
“Does it count as a fair chance to avoid the unavoidable to you?”
I don’t even answer; I simply empty a bucketful of cold water all over them. We’re enjoying the scene with our arms crossed.
“Have you ever heard anyone screaming like that?” she asks.
“Not since we watched the Blair Witch Project”
“That’s what I thought”.
The house is back to life, the kids are running around the corridors, people are having breakfast and I decide to check on Howard.
I open the door to the bedroom and he’s lying on his stomach in the center of the bed. I get closer and stroke his hair. I look at him and move my mouth close to his cheek, I kiss it and then I yell in ear “HONEY WAKE UP!”
He literally jumps off the bed “What the fuck!”
“Morning to you too, it’s present time”
Howard is always grumpy in the morning “What time is it? Why did you wake me up in a such a sweet way? I was dreaming … about you actually” I see he’s remembering about last night, he has the biggest smile on his face, “it was fantastic, wasn’t it? It was like we used to be”
“Yes, this is your present”
“Morning kiss?”
I don’t let me get closer, “Present” and he understands last night was just a parenthesis, nothing changed. We’re as miserable as we were before dinner.
He sighs and starts unwrapping the little box I gave him. There are four keys inside. “What is it? The keys to your heart?”
“No, these are the keys to 4 rooms in a 5 star hotel in Formentera. I booked you and your partners in crime for 4 nights. Your plane leaves tonight at 9. It’s all been taken care of. With all the rehearsing for the tour I thought you might use a break from it and us. You go and have fun”
“I’ll trade the three of them for one of you”
“I am one and I am not coming”
“I had to try” he puts his pants back on, walks to the door, ready to show his best smiling face to the world and starts yelling “Vamos! Vamos! My lovely lady is shipping us to Spain!”
Jason is already in the mood and is playing some flamenco tunes in the living room; Emily and Antigone are trying to improvise a dance when the entrance door opens.
Dominick looks like he survived a tornado.
“What the hell happened to you?”
“Bother, you have no idea. I was sexually abused! Over, and over, and over! It was absofuckinlutely fantastic!”
Jason turns towards Gary “I’m almost positive he was adopted”.
I’m playing with Daniel when I notice Dawn and Mark talking in the garden. Mark is smoking and doesn’t seem too happy having to answer her questions.
“This Robbie, what is he really like?”
“He’s a good lad, really. Fucked up but who’s not these days?”
“Mark I need to understand, what do you think about it, them?”
“Frankly, I’m so scared about what might happen I haven’t even thought about it. They were friends back then, almost same age, but she’s always been into older men and he considered her his mother hen. She was basically taking care of him as you would do with a puppy you find in the street. They would go out, have fun, that’s it. But if he thinks he wants her there’s no stopping Robbie, so you’ll need to stop her’
“I won’t”
He is truly surprised “I want you to picture the following situation: they get together, it won’t last I guarantee you, but in the meantime paparazzi will spot them, pictures everywhere, Howard will find out and that will be the end. He cannot take another blow. It would be too much and you know it. There are 5 billions people in the world. Half of them men and she wants the only one she can’t have. What would Gary say? And Jason? She needs to give it up”
“They are adults, and I think she should give it a chance”
“He doesn’t know”
“Fuck”
“The word I was looking for. Robbie can’t deal with crisis; once she tells him he will run away so fast he won’t have the time to close the door behind him”
She thinks about what to say next “still, stay away from them. Promise”
“I promise but it’s a major mistake”
His phone rings, “Speaking of the devil, it’s Robbie, we were supposed to have lunch together”
“Tell him you’re busy”
“Hi, mate, yes, see I’m sorry but Dawn doesn’t want me to see you. She ordered me to stay away from you and Emilia … What? ... Sure, I will” hangs up and tells her “he says he loves you and he forgives you for being married to Gary”.
We’re all saying our goodbyes; Antigone is sitting in the back, reading a comic book and listening to her ipod. I hug everyone “have a safe trip to Spain and have fun guys”
“We will” they answer.
I get closer to Howard “I put the papers in you bag. Sign them”
“I’m not signing the bloody divorce papers”
Mark looks at me, and at him and shakes his head.
I get in the car and leave. Alone at last. I check my answering machine and there’s another message from Robbie.
‘I tried to call you at least a million times. The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe either (1) your body got snatched by evil aliens and you are trying to break free while I’m wasting my time dialing your number instead of coming to your rescue, (2) your body was not snatched by evil aliens but don't want to talk to me, or (3) you’re there, by your phone, desperately want to talk to me, but Gary tied you to a chair forcing you to listen to ‘Reach Out’ over and over. If it's either (1) or (2), please call me back.’
I call him. “Ciao, I’m on my way back to London, I won’t be able to stop, I have Antigone with me. Do you think you can come to London? You owe me a dinner”
“Are you sure you cannot stop by even for a couple of minutes? I really need to see you”
“No, if you want to see me come to London”
“I cannot move about in this country, it’s open season on Robbie Williams”
“Then I guess Mark is right and it’s simply not meant to be”
“You need to understand the words ‘Mark’ and ‘right’ never ever go in the same sentence, unless you squeeze a ‘not’ in the middle. I’ll see you tomorrow and if I end up on the Sun front page I’m taking you down with me”
“Hummm, so tough and self-confident. Sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number”.
Nessun commento:
Posta un commento