NOBODY 11

I get out from a meeting at 2 and my secretary reads some of the messages she wrote down and says, “High Priority! Robert Fitzgerald Williams called. He is waiting for you at the Ritz. NOW” he wanted me to write it down in capital letters “he said the magic words are Sponge Bob, are we publishing it? I didn’t think so”
I don’t even bother to answer her “Thanks. Do you think you can cancel all my meetings today?”
“Sure, no problem, there’s nothing major going on. Are you taking off?”
“Yes, I need to discuss important matters with him. Can you call the nanny and tell her if she can stay with Antigone until 7 tonight? If there is any emergency call me on my mobile. See you tomorrow”
I get a taxi, if I walk there I might think and therefore change my mind.
Use the magic word and the concierge gives me his room umber. I’m standing in front of his door in less than 5 minutes. I knock and he opens it.
He smiles but we are both speechless and embarrassed. At his mother house it was before-kissing-talk, now everything has changed.
“Please come in, I’m so glad you come”
“Thanks” and I step in.
“Can I get you anything to drink?”“Water is fine” we don’t know what to do or where to look *this is wrong, and awkward* “Robbie I’m sorry, I made a mistake, I better get going”
He grabs my arm, “No, please don’t go. I’m sorry for being an ass but I want to kiss you so bad I cannot concentrate on anything else”
*Am I supposed to say something back now?* and I stay there, staring at him.
“What would you do if I kiss you right now?
“You wouldn't kiss me. If this is our first so called date, the toughest one, we are supposed to have a little chit chat first, get to know each other”
“I’ve known you for 17, not, 18 years, that’s knowing each other enough to me. What would you do if I kiss you?” He places his hands on my hips and he does, not intensely, but more casually, sweetly-playfully. Then he looks at me, smirks and says “My precious!”
I look at him grateful, he broke the ice, Robbie’s style “so how was your week-end?”
“A blast, I was forced to play strip poker with my mom and her friends. I ended up wearing a tie, my boxers and a sock. What about yours?”
“Had a party … got slightly drunk … woke Gary and Mark with … a bucket … of water” it is hard to find the words since he is kissing my neck and mumbling “interesting” at every word I say.
He looks back at me; he’s confident now “I lost to the wild bunch because of you. I’ve been thinking of you all the time. I finally made up my mind and decided my ultimate fantasy is to make love to you till you pass out with utter and complete pleasure" he says.
I feel like laughing but I don’t think he would like it. So I’m standing right in front of him, our eyes lock, but I can’t find any word to say. It is like for that brief moment we understand each other, and know what we want. Robbie eventually closes his eyes and buries his face into my neck. “I want you so much I can’t breathe”"Take me" two simple words I am surprised to say.Robbie slowly reaches down with his right arm. He smoothly and quickly lifts my legs off the ground, effectively sweeping me off her feet. I wrap my hands around his neck and support my weight. He carries me around, and playfully tosses me onto the bed.Without waiting an instant, he slides on top of me, wrapping his arms around my back, and holding me tightly. It is so different and wonderful having another man caressing my body. My heart races.We are lying down, groping each other, and rubbing our hands against each other's body, trying to memorize every single detail. Our heads move back and forth, kissing one another, with each kiss growing in passion and lust. He is on top of me. Smiles and unbutton my shirts.
“I know you’re used to super models, you better be ready for disappointment, I’ll give you our customer service toll free number later” I whisper.
He stares at me, “I’ve never seen anything more beautiful” and he lowers his face planting a series of small kisses on my cheeks. Each kiss is slow, soft, and filled with love. He continues until he kisses my jaw line, and my chin, and finally down to my neck, spending time kissing the front and sides, while his hands move to unhook my bra so he can caress my breasts.
He starts kissing my chest, and down my belly when he stops. I know he saw it. “Emilia, what the heck is that! Are you living a double life? Spreading culture and fun among the younglings during the day and fighting the crime at night? Who did that to you?” I close my eyes *Robbie stop it right there*. “That’s huge, and I must say I like it. Let me give another look”. I place my hands on his face and push him away from me. I stand up and look for my shirt.
“What’s going on? Where are you going?” he standing in front of me trying to stop me from putting it back “I’m sorry. If you don’t like it so much we can have it removed. Plastic surgeon can do miracles. Look at Jackie Collins”
“Let me go, I’m no longer in the mood” I’m fighting the tears.
“No I am not letting you go. Talk to me”
‘I DON’T talk about it, I’ve never talked about it”
He tries to hug me but I push him away “give me my shirt back”
“No, talk to me”
“It’s a c-section scar, do you know what it is?”“Of course I do, but my sister’s one is smaller. How big was Antigone when she was born, the size of a baby cow?”
“Antigone is not an only child. I had a baby boy, this is his scar. And I don’t get rid of it because it’s the only thing I have left of James” I listen to my own word, I’ve never said his name out loud since the day he was born and I crack. I start sobbing, on the verge of hysteria. “I lied to you when I said I left Howard because he cheated on me”.
Robbie is staring at me, he seems to be thinking about what to do next and I’m sure he’s checking how far the door his. When I think he’s going to leave he takes me back into his arm, I try to fight him but he brings me back to the bed and gently covers me with the duvet. He sits on the floor by me and strokes my hair “I’m sorry babe, tell me what happened, let it all out. Cry, you will feel better, I’m here”.
He keeps stroking my hair and I fall asleep. I wake up 30 minutes later. I’m so tired. Robbie is no longer there, *I knew he couldn’t take it* when I feel a hand caressing my back.
He his lying by me, “Welcome back, I thought I could make myself comfortable while waiting for you to wake up” and kisses my hair.
“You’re still here”“Not going anywhere, tell me about James”
“Don’t say his name, no one can in my presence”“Tell me about James”
Such a sweet sound, Robbie’s saying his name. I snuggle against him, his right arm under my head and the left one on my belly.
“You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.”
“Try me” and kisses the back on my neck.
I close my eyes and sigh “We decided to have another child. Antigone was 2 and a half at the time. When they told us I was expecting a baby boy Howard was head over heels. I had an uneventful pregnancy. Went for a visit a week before the baby was due and everything was perfect, he was in position, strong heartbeat. So we went back home, fed Antigone, put her to bed and we had dinner. Artichoke risotto and salad. I remember the smallest details about that night. The last night of my previous life. The risotto was too hot and the tomatoes in the salad too red. We chatted a little about a vacation we were planning and I went to bed. Howard went working on some music. He put his headphone on so he would not disturb me. After an hour a cramp woke me up. I’ve never felt so much physical pain in my life. And I screamed, I called him, I kept calling him but he couldn’t hear me. I looked down and I saw the blood. There was blood everywhere. I kept on screaming, trying to get to the phone but I couldn’t move. Howard found me half an hour later. I had almost bled out to death. But I could feel his heartbeat inside me, he was fine. Howard took me into his arms and to the car. He kept on saying “everything is going to be alright” but I knew he was lying. I knew I was going to die, I just knew. I was picturing him, and Antigone and James together, walking in a park. I felt serene; I knew Howard would take good care of them. I trusted him with my life, I trusted him with my children’s lives. We arrived at the hospital. They inserted a tube down my throat so I could breathe. Howard never let go my hand, but no matter how hard he hold it I was slipping away. The doctor was telling him about placenta detachment and kidney failure. I didn’t care; James’ heartbeat was sound and strong. But the doctor told him he had to make a decision. My life or James’. I tried to open my eyes, tell him to save the baby. I was going to be fine. I didn’t care. When I woke up Howard was still by my side. He looked like a ghost, he was crying. I put a hand on my belly and it was flat.
I rolled on the other side so I didn’t have to face him, covered my head with the sheet and started to scream.
Only Dawn was able to calm me down. She was the only one allowed into my room. She took me home with her. I lived in their guest bedroom for four months. She would feed me, and wash me, and comfort me and brush my hair. The only time we talked about James was when she tried to convince me to go to his funeral. I have never seen my child. Howard had to take care of everything and of Antigone too. I was determined to kill myself. I couldn’t bare the pain; I should have died that day at the hospital. And one day the door to my bedroom opened and Daniel walked in. He got close to me “Auntie Em? Is it you?” I didn’t answer. He put his little hands over my face, just to make sure it was really me, smiled and climbed on the bed hugging me “Mummy told me your baby is in heaven. I know you miss him, but I can be your baby boy if you want, don’t be sad, I love you” I put my arms around him and cried. My little Daniel saved me. That day I went down for dinner. The following morning I asked for my daughter and a week later I was looking for a house. That’s why I left Howard. We don’t talk about James, ever. And every time I look at him I try to picture what my son looked like, if he had hazel eyes, like mine, or the same blue-greenish ones his father and sister have. And I’m afraid I might go crazy if I don’t stop asking myself”.