NOBODY 7

He takes large steps towards me and Dawn gets to the door “Maybe I should …”
“See you Dawn” Howard adds without stopping looking into my eyes.
“You stay away from me! I don’t have your present with me”
“I don’t believe you!” and he’s smiling at me, the smile which has one meaning only. He starts unbuttoning my shirt and I don’t really know how to stop him, or if I want to stop him. And I think of Robbie and I am officially confused.
He’s kissing my neck and if I don’t do something now I will lose control.
“I have something for you in my handbag. Let me grab it”
“I have all I need right at my fingertip” and he caresses my skin.
“No, really” I free myself and hand him an envelope.
“What is it?” he opens it and reads. “Fuck! It’s my birthday and you want me to sing the divorce papers?” and throws them on the bed.
“Howard it has been more than a year. It is about time”
“It has been 18 months and three bloody weeks, and I don’t think it’s time. I’m not ready to let you go”
“I left long ago. I’m sorry. You know I can’t. We discussed it. I’m so so sorry”. He’s mad, and sad and he knows there’s nothing he can do.
My mobile rings “do not answer”
It’s Robbie, I pick it up.
“I’m the king of bongo bong. You were supposed to call, and you left the king waiting. I feel like a teenager stood up the night of the prom”
“Sorry Tricia, cannot really talk right now, and Howard is really mad you couldn’t make it to the party”
“I need to talk to her” and tries to get the phone off my hand.
I move backwards “What did you say? Oh Tricia I’m so sorry it didn’t work out. I understand” I turn to him “She doesn’t feel like talking to you right now, Jack left her this morning”
“I am Robbie, please say my name”
Way too many balls in the air right now.
“Hold on just a second Tricia.”
Antigone starts banging on the door “Mummy, mummy! We’re starting a water gun fight. Do you wanna be in my team?”
“Honey, I can’t, I need to see if auntie Dawn needs my help. But I’m sure daddy would love to play with you”
He takes her into his arms “I’d love to, let’s go”
“Daddy are you sad?”
“No, I’m not sad baby. I just got something in my eye, but I’m sure I’ll be fine” and she hugs him tight, “Love you daddy”.
“I love you more” and they start wrestling on the bed. Right over my Armani dress.
“Stop the madness! The two of you, get out of my room”, I push them outside and close the door behind them.
“Sorry Robbie, but things are crazy around here. I meant to call you, I swear”
“I want to see you”
“I cannot sneak out. Howard is breathing down my neck”
“I don’t care. His problem. I want to see you. If you don’t come here I’ll come there. You choose.”
“I’ll call you back tomorrow and see what I can do”
“Or I’ll just stop buy and give my regards to the guys before kissing you again in front of everyone, do you think ‘long time no see’ could be a good opening line?”
“Robbie I cannot deal with you right now. My life is a mess”
“What did he do?”
“He did nothing it’s me, just me”
“I can help you, let me do it”
“I might. I’ll call you as soon as I know”
“I’ll be waiting”
“I hope so”.

We put the kids to bed and we have our adults-only-party.
By midnight we are pretty drunk. Mark decides to take a video of the event and I jump at the occasion of being a journalist. I grab a lollipop and pretend it’s a microphone. “Markie, ready? How do a look?”
“Drunk and petulant”
“Perfect! So ladies and gentlemen, welcome to our live coverage of Howard Donald’s birthday celebration! My name’s Emilia and I am embedded with the TT troops. Let’s introduce the nice people around me.” Howard takes me by my waist and makes me sit on his laps.
“Comfy?”
“Yes thanks. So, where was I? introductions. On my right the birthday boy. Everyone thinks he’s turning 39 but I am sorry to disappoint you, Mr. Donald here is technically three 10 years old kids and a 9 year old, all sharing the same hot body”
And he kisses my neck
“Hot hot hot, that’s what he is! A mean journalist wrote his only saving grace is that he’s not Jason Orange. But he was dead wrong. No offence Jay”
“Not taken” and starts throwing ice cubes at me.
“Jay stop it! It’s not my fault and by the way, since you cannot sing or play an instrument, could you please explain the whole wide world what do you do exactly in Take That?”
“Get read of obnoxious groupies, that’s my job” and starts tickling me.
“You stop now, we need to finish this thing. Mark tell him to stop”
“Tell him to stop” my director repeats.
“Am I the only pro around here? Anyway, it almost 1 o’clock, or what Jay calls the darkest hour. So we expect him to get all philosophical and boring. I think we need more drinks here! ... Dawn Barlow ladies and gentlemen! Me and Dawn go way back. We met for the first time in 1995 and after a week on tour she caught me sneaking out of Howard’s bedroom at 5 in the morning. And I told her”
Dawn finishes my sentence “Hello dancer lady! You did not see me, I’m not even here. Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, don't look around my eyes, look into my eyes, you're under. Three, two, one... I’m not here anymore. She left and I stood there like an idiot. Believe me, she seemed totally normal during the day. Didn’t you used to dress Gary?”
He adds “Right, we found her a job so she could tour with us and be with Howard. We thought she could work with him but they were all over each other all the time and not even Nigel was that stupid. So she got stuck with tidying my laces. I love having women at my feet!”
We all laugh and drink some more.
“Guys we never told you we thought about creating our own girl band” Dawn is in her ‘sharing’ mood. They look at her “I’m serious, in 1995, November, we were in Berlin, or Munich or another German city. You had a TV gig and we felt lonely and got drunk and we had a brilliant idea, didn’t we Emilia?”
“Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that, I would sing and she would dance”
“And we had the best name ever! The only problem is it required the use of life size pictures.”
“Oh god, I don’t think I want to hear this” Gary looks helpless.
“I took that one – and I would show your picture and Emilia would go – and I took that one – showing Howie’s, but we definitely fancy that one too” and we are both pointing at Jason.
“I knew you wanted me bad laydees! I knew it” Jason is all happy now.
“It would have been perfect on a CD cover. Short and snappy” adds Mark.
“Break’s over! The lovely lady sitting there is Emily aka Foster. Brilliant writer. I can tell you for a fact because I discovered her. Her first book is a big best seller. I owe her my entire bonus. I named my new car after her. Her only fault? She’s dating the short man behind the camera… Have you realized how many Emzes we have here? That’s me, and you and little Emily, named after me, only in English, because Italian was way too hard …”

“Emily, love, you don’t really need to hang out with them, we can just see them at Christmas and Birthdays, and have a normal life” Mark tells her with a sweet voice.
“Emilia enough, I told you not to drink rum and coke. A couple of sips and you’re smashed. You need some fresh air. Put the lollipop down. Let’s go”
“Howard, my prince, my savior, what would I do without you? But this is not a lollipop, it’s a microphone.”
Mark gets closer still holding the video camera “So sweet, so for the record, you have been together for so long dinosaurs were still running freely in Hyde Park, Emilia, what song do you think best describes your love story with the birthday man?”
I brush his curls off his face with my fingers. “In spite of all we have been through? You are my destiny by Lionel Ritchie”
“Impressive, commercial and easy listening, what about you Dougie?”
He thinks about it, he’s deadly serious and answers “Every breath you take by the Police”.
They all freeze, “You are psycho, it is a horrible song” I say.
“The word you’re looking for is psychic”
“No you’re psycho, believe me, and you need to sign the divorce papers”
“I’m psychic because I know exactly what you’re thinking right now and I am not signing the bloody papers” and his hand moves gently under my dress and on my thigh “wanna bet?”
If I could just stop enjoying his touch so much I think I might bet but he doesn’t give me the time. “Let’s go, you need some fresh air”.
He takes my arm and we exit the room.