Howard moves right by me pinning his elbow right into my side and I suddenly remember why I used to be covered in bruises.
I look at him, fast asleep and peaceful. I could swear I saw him smiling before. I sigh and move away very slowly. I don’t want to wake him up. I look at alarm clock, it’s 6 o’clock. I put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, grab my mobile and go downstairs. I head to the kitchen, I need coffee, bad. I open the door and I see Dawn sitting at the table.
“Mrs. Dawn Hangover Barlow, is it so bad?”
She’s holding her head with her hands, eyes closed “Don’t talk to me, it hurts. We’re too old for this shit you know? It will take me forever to recover. Could you please just shoot me?”
“No, I need you too much. Coffee?”
“Please” and looks at me “you’re fine, too fine. OH MY GOD” she yells “ouch that was painful, keep the volume down”.
“I just love it when you talk to yourself”
“You look terrific, and that’s the terrific only good sex can provide”
“Let’s just say I had a little work out last night”
“Why don’t you just shoot him, like you do with horses? Put an end to his misery.”
I smash one of the cups into the sink. “Don’t do it! I beg of you! I need you to be on my side. Howard will be fine. He knows”.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. Let me just say this is a sad, heartrending world if you can have wild sex with a man you are about to divorce and I, legally married, get no action at all. Gary was so smashed I couldn’t even manage to carry him to our bedroom. And apparently he was not the only one. I went to check on him before. He’s spooning Mark on a table in the garden. I took a picture, you never know. It could be worth big money one day!”
“How do you know it was wild?”
“Thin walls”
I answer while switching my mobile on which immediately signals I have a voice-message.
“Right. You are popular. Who wants you so early in the morning?”
It’s Robbie, I can’t help but smile.
“I’m done playing the ‘good-friend-who-gives-you-the-time-you-need’ part. So who did you kiss? I’ve been thinking about it since you told me”
“You have such and interesting life, can I borrow it sometimes?”
She is obviously not listening to me; she does it often “You said it’s not Mark, or Gary. Cannot be Jason. Can you imagine? He would walk around whipping himself repeating ‘I don’t deserve to live’”.
I shake my head, “that is a disturbing yet credible scenario”.
“Andy is gay. Thomas is not your type. George … you are definitely not his type”
“I could be”
“I don’t think so. If you can remember Michael Jackson being African American, you are truly not is type. The rest of our male friends are either too fucked up or married and you would never mess with someone else’s husband”
“You think you know me so well”
“I do Mrs. McPrudery, and I cannot think of anybody who is kissable enough for you”
“Kissable? Is that a word?”
“What do you know? You’re Italian.”
“Coffee’s on the way, with lots of sugar!”
“Thanks. You used the Fantastic Four metaphor, so your twisted mind is trying to tell me something. But what?”
I pour her some coffee and listen to Robbie’s message at the same time
‘I’m here all alooone...doing nothing but thinking of you… Do you remember that night back 1991 when we seized the karaoke bar in Manchester and we sang Bohemian Rhapsody 16 times before they kicked us out? I wish I could see the face of that guy today. If he had known he was kicking out Robbie 14 BRITS Williams and that we would be kissing only 16 years later. I’m not complaining, I believe in slow going. Off topic. I thought having Freddie’s spirit on my side would increase my chances to nail you – and he laughs – I’m a poet! That’s my serenade for you. I hope this thing does not cut me off.’ I laugh too.
Dawn’s stream of consciousness doesn’t seem to end “So he must be someone close. But who? My head hurts” and she bangs it on the table.
I know I can trust her, so I hand her my mobile, “whenever you’re ready, press 1 to listen to the message”.
She takes it, presses 1 and listens. From her look I guess she’s listening to him singing
‘Ooh let me feel your heartbeat,
I look at him, fast asleep and peaceful. I could swear I saw him smiling before. I sigh and move away very slowly. I don’t want to wake him up. I look at alarm clock, it’s 6 o’clock. I put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, grab my mobile and go downstairs. I head to the kitchen, I need coffee, bad. I open the door and I see Dawn sitting at the table.
“Mrs. Dawn Hangover Barlow, is it so bad?”
She’s holding her head with her hands, eyes closed “Don’t talk to me, it hurts. We’re too old for this shit you know? It will take me forever to recover. Could you please just shoot me?”
“No, I need you too much. Coffee?”
“Please” and looks at me “you’re fine, too fine. OH MY GOD” she yells “ouch that was painful, keep the volume down”.
“I just love it when you talk to yourself”
“You look terrific, and that’s the terrific only good sex can provide”
“Let’s just say I had a little work out last night”
“Why don’t you just shoot him, like you do with horses? Put an end to his misery.”
I smash one of the cups into the sink. “Don’t do it! I beg of you! I need you to be on my side. Howard will be fine. He knows”.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. Let me just say this is a sad, heartrending world if you can have wild sex with a man you are about to divorce and I, legally married, get no action at all. Gary was so smashed I couldn’t even manage to carry him to our bedroom. And apparently he was not the only one. I went to check on him before. He’s spooning Mark on a table in the garden. I took a picture, you never know. It could be worth big money one day!”
“How do you know it was wild?”
“Thin walls”
I answer while switching my mobile on which immediately signals I have a voice-message.
“Right. You are popular. Who wants you so early in the morning?”
It’s Robbie, I can’t help but smile.
“I’m done playing the ‘good-friend-who-gives-you-the-time-you-need’ part. So who did you kiss? I’ve been thinking about it since you told me”
“You have such and interesting life, can I borrow it sometimes?”
She is obviously not listening to me; she does it often “You said it’s not Mark, or Gary. Cannot be Jason. Can you imagine? He would walk around whipping himself repeating ‘I don’t deserve to live’”.
I shake my head, “that is a disturbing yet credible scenario”.
“Andy is gay. Thomas is not your type. George … you are definitely not his type”
“I could be”
“I don’t think so. If you can remember Michael Jackson being African American, you are truly not is type. The rest of our male friends are either too fucked up or married and you would never mess with someone else’s husband”
“You think you know me so well”
“I do Mrs. McPrudery, and I cannot think of anybody who is kissable enough for you”
“Kissable? Is that a word?”
“What do you know? You’re Italian.”
“Coffee’s on the way, with lots of sugar!”
“Thanks. You used the Fantastic Four metaphor, so your twisted mind is trying to tell me something. But what?”
I pour her some coffee and listen to Robbie’s message at the same time
‘I’m here all alooone...doing nothing but thinking of you… Do you remember that night back 1991 when we seized the karaoke bar in Manchester and we sang Bohemian Rhapsody 16 times before they kicked us out? I wish I could see the face of that guy today. If he had known he was kicking out Robbie 14 BRITS Williams and that we would be kissing only 16 years later. I’m not complaining, I believe in slow going. Off topic. I thought having Freddie’s spirit on my side would increase my chances to nail you – and he laughs – I’m a poet! That’s my serenade for you. I hope this thing does not cut me off.’ I laugh too.
Dawn’s stream of consciousness doesn’t seem to end “So he must be someone close. But who? My head hurts” and she bangs it on the table.
I know I can trust her, so I hand her my mobile, “whenever you’re ready, press 1 to listen to the message”.
She takes it, presses 1 and listens. From her look I guess she’s listening to him singing
‘Ooh let me feel your heartbeat,
Grow faster, faster
Ooh ooh can you feel my love heat
Come on and sit on my hot-seat of love
And tell me how do you feel right after-all
I'd like for you and I to go romancing
Say the word - your wish is my command’
“SHIT!” and she drops the mobile on the table like it just bit her “that’s, that’s, that’s …”
“In your own words”
She gets up and walks to me, placing her hands on my shoulders. We have been here before. Dawn trying to save me. “That is trouble. I don’t know him but you know it can be a major catastrophe. Do you think it is worth it?”
“How am I supposed to know? It is brand new and unexpected”
“Howard and Antigone. Have you thought about them? And the tabloids? If this thing gets out you’ll have paparazzi following you everywhere, can you imagine the headlines?”
“Thinking, it’s all I’m doing. We kissed yesterday and I didn’t feel the pain, can you imagine how I felt? No pain for few brief moments”
“Really? Did he really make you happy?”
“Happy does not describe it but it was close, I think. If you feel this is wrong I’ll end it. You tell me what to do. I trust you; it’s only because of you I’m standing in this kitchen today”
She smiles at me, “‘I think’ is more than I’ve ever hoped for. You give him a chance. I’ll take care of the rest. I’m here for you”
“Thank you” and we hug, “can’t tell Gary”
“You think? Can you picture him and Howard getting into a car and run your wonder boy over? Does Mark know?”
“Yes, he came by Robbie’s house yesterday”
“I’ll have a talk to him. I need my coffee and all the spicy details now.”
We sit at the table, when Glen enters the kitchen. We look at him “Morning Glenn, have you been told there’s no law in this country against personal hygiene?”
He looks smashed “I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.”
“Blade Runner, it must be bad”
"Dominick and I went to the wrong party last night. He got the directions wrong, if you look up the word retarded in the dictionary you find his brainless face. We got to that mansion where there were approximately 2000 women who obviously hadn’t seen a man in a long time. We made a triumphal entrance wearing our superheroes outfits, we wanted to impress you. We made and impression alright! I lost Dominick in there. Last time I saw him he was heading to a room with 2 redheads. We might need to organize a rescue mission. Where’s my brother?”
“Sleeping in her bedroom” Dawn tells him.
“Cool! So he’ll be in good mood. I need a loan, and some sleep” grabs a cookie and head upstairs.
“I need to send Tricia a text before I forget, she is probably already working out” I say.
‘FYI, You HAVE to kick Jack out’
‘? He proposed last night’
‘Though luck, he’s history’
“SHIT!” and she drops the mobile on the table like it just bit her “that’s, that’s, that’s …”
“In your own words”
She gets up and walks to me, placing her hands on my shoulders. We have been here before. Dawn trying to save me. “That is trouble. I don’t know him but you know it can be a major catastrophe. Do you think it is worth it?”
“How am I supposed to know? It is brand new and unexpected”
“Howard and Antigone. Have you thought about them? And the tabloids? If this thing gets out you’ll have paparazzi following you everywhere, can you imagine the headlines?”
“Thinking, it’s all I’m doing. We kissed yesterday and I didn’t feel the pain, can you imagine how I felt? No pain for few brief moments”
“Really? Did he really make you happy?”
“Happy does not describe it but it was close, I think. If you feel this is wrong I’ll end it. You tell me what to do. I trust you; it’s only because of you I’m standing in this kitchen today”
She smiles at me, “‘I think’ is more than I’ve ever hoped for. You give him a chance. I’ll take care of the rest. I’m here for you”
“Thank you” and we hug, “can’t tell Gary”
“You think? Can you picture him and Howard getting into a car and run your wonder boy over? Does Mark know?”
“Yes, he came by Robbie’s house yesterday”
“I’ll have a talk to him. I need my coffee and all the spicy details now.”
We sit at the table, when Glen enters the kitchen. We look at him “Morning Glenn, have you been told there’s no law in this country against personal hygiene?”
He looks smashed “I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.”
“Blade Runner, it must be bad”
"Dominick and I went to the wrong party last night. He got the directions wrong, if you look up the word retarded in the dictionary you find his brainless face. We got to that mansion where there were approximately 2000 women who obviously hadn’t seen a man in a long time. We made a triumphal entrance wearing our superheroes outfits, we wanted to impress you. We made and impression alright! I lost Dominick in there. Last time I saw him he was heading to a room with 2 redheads. We might need to organize a rescue mission. Where’s my brother?”
“Sleeping in her bedroom” Dawn tells him.
“Cool! So he’ll be in good mood. I need a loan, and some sleep” grabs a cookie and head upstairs.
“I need to send Tricia a text before I forget, she is probably already working out” I say.
‘FYI, You HAVE to kick Jack out’
‘? He proposed last night’
‘Though luck, he’s history’
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