WITH OR WITHOUT YOU 11

Henry’s banging his hands on the bathroom door “Mon! What’s going on in there? It sounds like someone’s skinning you alive! Are you ok? Open the door!”
I do. I must look like shit because he has his you-look-pretty-tired-my-dear (which really means it seems like you were run over by a truck) expression. I pull my hair behind my ears and walk towards the kitchen.
“It’s nothing, just a minor throwing up. I’ll survive”.
“You haven’t eaten anything all day. What is there to throw up? Are you trying to find another way out for the little Alien you have in there?” pointing at my belly. “Aren’t you supposed to be sick during your first trimester only?”
“What would you know? Last time you were seen by a child was 45 years ago, and you were at a summer camp in south of France with your elementary school class.”
“I do know stuff. I can read, remember? I’m worried, are you going to be ok?”
“You mean not taking into consideration the fact I was kicked out of my house, Howard won’t touch me even with a stick, I have no life, I’m pregnant, I basically have no clothes, I had no sleep over the past two nights, I have a disgusting rush all over my legs and I am supposed to give a paper in front of 60 people in 38 hours? Yes I would say I am quite alright. I’m not dead at least. Not yet anyway.”
“Talk to him”
“I did it already and I said horrible things, oh you should have listened to me. I’m a horrible person. A fat, sad, disgusting spinster, that’s what I am”.
“I love you anyway and so does he. Now get yourself ready there’s a taxi waiting for you outside”.
“You kicking me out too? What am I? A pariah to male gender? I’m going nowhere; just leave me here to die. It shouldn’t take long.”
“You need to go home. If you don’t talk this through now you will never do. You cannot go to Boston like that. Go”
I look at him, I’m stunned.
“What did you think? Do I understand what the two of you have? Certainly not. Frankly, I don’t think I want to. But Howard loves you - that much I know - and a fight won’t change it”
“You don’t know, you weren’t there”
“He told me”
I’m speechless.
“I sort of talked to him before. Between his lisp and the accent I got probably half of what he said, but I would bet my house in Spain he’s mad about you and just can’t wait to see you.”
“You think? No, not after what I said. He must hate me. I hate myself. Maybe I could just stop by. It is true I need to get my computer.”
He kisses my forehead “The issue is not up for debate. Besides you have my blessing. At last. Off you go now. See you at the airport.”
The taxi drive seems to take forever. I’m so scared. Scared like I’ve never been in my life. I get off and pay. I start walking slowly towards the front door. It takes me forever to ring the bell.
No sounds from inside the house. I seat on the front step. Waiting for something to happen. I hear the door opening slowly. No sounds. I feel him sitting right by me, our bodies not touching. We both stay there, our elbows on our laps, holding our heads.
If I don’t touch him my heart is going to explode.
I carefully rest my head on his shoulder. I take my time. If he doesn’t want me to he’ll move. But he doesn’t. He just sighs and puts his hand over mine. Our fingers lock.
“I’m sorry”
“Not a word, I don’t wanna talk about it”
“I truly am, if I could only take it all back”
“We can’t, we leave it behind”
“I didn’t mean it”
“I know, neither did I. The necklace was for you. Everything has always been for you. I’m sorry I said it wasn’t”
“I love you so much, say you love me, please?”
“I love you”
It is surreal because we haven’t moved, we’re still sitting there, not looking at each other.
“I’m still going”
“I Know. I checked the weather forecast. It might rain in Boston, I packed your umbrella and a raincoat”
“You packed up my stuff”
“You forgot your vitamins, you need to take care of yourself”
“I can’t if you’re not by me. I can’t even breathe if you’re not with me”
“It’s only a few days. I’ll be here when you come back”
I place my other hand over his, holding it real tight.
We finally look at each other, our foreheads touching.
“Promise we won’t do it again, I can’t take it.”
“Promise you’ll be here on Sunday”
“I will be here on Sunday and the day after that, and the one after” and we kiss. A different kiss, deep and mature, we both found our way back home and we’re grateful. It seems like it could last forever until we hear someone clearing his throat, few feet away from where we’re sitting. *Puff* our romantic moment has gone down the drain.
We turn and there they are: Mr. and Mrs Reginald Fairfax, our beloved neighbors. They’re staring at us and do nothing to conceal their repulsion. Can’t really blame them. I mean, I’m wearing an old pair of blue sweatpants and Henry’s Arsenal T-shirt. Howard looks like had a fight with the Hulk and lost.
“This has to stop. Tell them Reginald”
“I will my dear” they are both still staring at us. “We think your behavior is totally unacceptable, this used to be a highly regarded area before you moved in. We should have never let the estate agent sell the house to a popstar. You and your unpleasant, extremely loud music”
“And the drugs, tell them”
“I will my dear. We are also deeply concerned about the constant coming and going of people. We know you so called stars take drugs and drink too much. What was the sentence dear?”
“Sex, drugs and rock&roll dear. We saw a documentary on BBC 1 the other night. You should be ashamed. We know what you do during your parties.”
“Yes we do. We are therefore compelled to inform you we are calling the police next time some mischievous gathering is held in your house.”
“And the noise, don’t forget about the noise”
“I won’t my dear. That noise coming from the house at all times. The loud distasteful music, the constant yelling, the banging of doors. We have the right to live in a peaceful neighborhood and we would be really grateful if you could take into consideration the option of selling the house and move somewhere else”.
“Yes we would indeed”.
I wonder if they rehearse those little gigs or it just comes natural to them. They are standing there, with a big fake grin, like they just wished us merry Christmas. I hold Howard’s hand tighter, if it is physically possible. I look at him and he just has the biggest smile on his face. He’s enjoying every second of it. The ‘sex, drugs and rock&roll’ part the most I bet. He helps me stand up and we are now right in front of them, a low fence between us. Howard straightens up and touches my elbow. I understand and we both adjust until we are mirroring them.
Howard clears its voice, smiles at them and with an extremely sweet voice says to me “Dear, attack them, now!”
It is just what I was waiting for.
“MA CHI CAZZO VI CREDETE DI ESSERE PER PARLARCI COSI? DOVETE SOLO RINGRAZIARE CHE MI HANNO EDUCATO A RISPETTARE GLI ANZIANI! SE VI AZZARDATE A FARLO UN’ALTRA VOLTE GIURO CHE GLI FACCIO SALTARE LA SIEPE COSI VI PRENDE A CALCI IN CULO FINCHE’ NON COMINCIA A PIACERVI E IMPLORATE DI ESSERE PICCHIATI ANCORA! SONO STATA CHIARA? VIA VAI DI GENTE? IO CI ORGANIZZO UN FESTIVAL ROCK IN GIARDINO SE MI GIRA, CON TANTO DI FUOCHI D’ARTIFICIO!”
Howard feels obliged to stop me for a second, still smiling “For your information, that would be Italian. The sweet language of love. I would translate what my lovely lady here just said but I can’t. You probably know that already. From the constant yelling, the banging of doors so on and so forth. So let’s see if I can make myself clear. If you dare talking to me or her like that one more time, I will jump the fence and kick your sorry yet proper asses until you start loving it and beg for more. I’m sorry you don’t like our friends, because we can organize a bloody rock festival in our garden if we feel like it. With fireworks too. Now if you will excuse us, I need to take my lady to the airport. Farewell!”
We look at each other, knowing exactly what to do, we bow (at least I try) and walk away.
“Holy mother of God! That was fun!”
“Believe it or not, you DID translate what I said in Italian. Spooky”
“Great minds think alike. We’re still a team babe”
“Yes we are”.
“I love you”
“I miss you already”.

I’m at Heathrow waiting for the gate to open when I get a text on my mobile: Glad you sorted it out. H was out of his mind. Know what to get you for Christmas. Ultimate Tour DVD. Love Jay xxx