WITH OR WITHOUT YOU 18

I walk up the stairs. I’m taking my time. *No more running around for you cheating bastard, I have two children to take care of*. He keeps calling my name. Get to the study where Jason is still busy with his bottle. I squat and caress his hair “the enemy is at the gate Attila, we need to focus on the fight. Things could become rough, so I need you to stay here. I’m going to switch the stereo on, so you can listen to some Mozart and not hear mummy yelling. I love you very, very much”. I kiss his forehead, switch on the stereo and close the door behind me.
I open the window of what used to be our bedroom and I see him in the garden. We’re like a Twilight Zone version of Romeo and Juliet, I just wish we could skip the 5 acts plot and get to the death scene right away.
He is standing in the middle of the debris of his own life, looking around him, hands on his hips, hypnotized. I figure he’s trying to understand what is really going on. After a few minutes he realizes I’m at the window. He’s speechless. Looks at me, then at his stuff – or what it’s left of it – then back at me, and at its stuff again.
“What happened here?” his voice sounds funny.
I’m trying to stay calm “I thought I could help you move out. You had so much shit I decided to take a shortcut. No need to thank me. Just leave”.
“We need to talk”
“I don’t think so. I mean, you might need to talk, to a good doctor and see if they found a cure to the giant asshole syndrome affecting you”
“I don’t wanna do this like that. Let me in. My keys don’t work.”
“I guess it depends on the fact I changed all the locks. Remember the nice family who used to live here? It is no more”
“I know you’re upset but if you let me explain…”
Now I’m pissed, he’s using the “you’re neurotic but if you let me talk you’ll see I have a point darling” tone.
“Are you going to tell me you were not shagging Miss Slut 2006 right in front of my eyes?”
“Really let me in. I don’t want to discuss our issues like that”
“Issues? Ah! That’s what you call it? A speech impediment can be an issue. A Political agenda you disagree with can be an issue. Even being claustrophobic can be an issue. You cheating on me is not a bloody issue! It’s a fucking crisis you miserable piece of dick-brained, horseshit slime-sucking son of a whore bitch”
“You are positively upset then”
“I cannot believe it! You should call the National Geographic Channel, they are doing a segment on the lowest form of human life on Earth and they heard you’re the best specimen available! It is not a joke you limey prick! You lost your family and I hope to be there the moment you realize it!”
“No, you don’t understand. She meant nothing to me! You know that, don’t you? It was just casual sex. A one night stand. I don’t even know her name. I love you”.
“Is it supposed to make me feel better? You turned our home into the altar to the unknown cow! I believed in you! I trusted you! You broke my heart for someone you cared so little to even bother to introduce yourself? Silly me, you did ‘introduce’ yourself, didn’t you? You are too dumb to be true! I cannot believe I wasted all this time on you. You are a fucking joke. Now out of my property or I’ll call the police.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m not giving up on you.”
“No need to. I’m already out of the picture and I’m taking Jason with me.”
“He is my son! I have the right to see him and I want to see him now! Please think about it. We have a whole life together. It was only yesterday you said it was like a dream.”
“I’m wide awake now! Thanks to you! 24 hours ago I thought I had a man who loved me and respected me, I had a family. Now I am a pregnant single mother with a fucking liar as father to my children. I got news for you pathetic cheating bastard, life sucks and I will not let you mess with me any longer”
“I love you! If you could only give me 5 minutes of your time”
“No fucking way! But I can give you your car.” I press the remote so the door to the garage opens up. He runs towards it, I know he thinks I’m so confused I might have left the door to the house unlocked. I almost feel sorry for him.
I stay there by the window counting down in my head *5-4-3-2…* and I hear him yelling “What did you do my car?”
I wait for him to come back into the garden.
“I had an art attack! You’ve always encouraged me to be more creative and there you go!”
“It’s alright, it doesn’t matter. The car is not important”
Right, I can see the blood rushing to his face, he’s making a hell of an effort to stay calm and not to knock down the entrance door and tell me what he really thinks right now.
“You are all that matters now, you are pregnant, I want to take care of you and Jason, be there for you, all the way. It is my child you’re expecting. I just want to be with you. We can still be a family.”
“Read my lips. It is over!”
His expression finally changed. He is pale. I guess he’s starting to get the mess he got himself into. This is not like any other argument we had in the past. This is serious and it is deadly.
“Let me in” he’s imploring me now “look at me, please, it’s still me, please, I beg of you”. I can see it in his eyes. He knows he’s not coming back. He walks slowly toward the door. He leans against it like he’s too weak to stand on his own feet. He’s defeated. So before the love I still feel for him makes me do something I might regret I close the window, the curtains and go to the study. I can hear him calling my name. He is desperate now, so I turn up the volume and the notes from the symphony n. 41 ‘Jupiter” by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart cover his voice.
I take my son into my arms and I seat on the carpet leaning against the wall. “It’s just you and me now baby, but we are going to be fine”.