“All settled! We’re having dinner with Mark and the lads in a new karaoke restaurant on Fulham. Gary is coming with his wife Dawn and we all love her, Howard on the other side is still going out with the supermodel. So she’s coming too. Her name’s Diamond.” She sighs – “To make a long story short she is really tall and we think up there the air is so thin her brain does not get all the oxygen it needs. The other day we were discussing whether Prince Harry should go to Iraq and she said I definitely think he should! I’ve heard they have great beaches down there! But Howie loves long legs so I guess she makes him happy! Jason, is coming too, and you’ll see him from yourself.”
40 minutes later we get to the restaurant to realize I haven’t checked my make-up since 9 o’clock this morning, my hair lost their battle against London rain and the blue dress I’m wearing is not even my lucky one…. A walking mess, that’s what I am. Whatever, I have no magic wand and Jason is probably just another loser.
I look around and my mind tries to understand how a posh restaurant can have a karaoke station and a dancing area… Breath deep I said to myself and follow Emma to our table.
She introduces me and I smile politely, they seem all impressed by the fact I am not at all impressed by meeting them. Gary looks at the others and like they have been doing it few times before they go “I’m Gary” “I’m Mark” “I’m Jason” “and I’m Howard” and the four of them “and we’re Take That”!
Again, no clue. I feel like they are all playing a comedy and I got no script. I’m trying to understand if there is something I should be saying. I stay there, with an idiotic smile on my face - think of something clever to say - but Mark comes to my rescue “Take That, come on, the band, errrr the boy-band”. Before my brain has the time to register what my mouth is about to burst out I reply “I’m so retarded sometimes! Of course I know you! You’re the band Robbie Williams used be in”.
And cut! The all froze; looking at me like I disclosed the ultimate Fatima secret and as far as I am concerned I just wish someone will put and end to all my sufferings. Good thing Jason smiles and shakes my hand “Yep! That would be us. Nice to meet you”.
Mark did his homework and I am sitting between Jason and Howard. We do some small talk, Jason is truly sweet and we find out we have so many things in common. Love the same music and we are even reading the same book. Dawn is a real sport and we’re having fun if only Howard and Diamond would stop making out. “Get a room” Gary says and we all laugh. They don’t seem to care. All of the sudden my face turns into a fascinating shade of green and I scream “OH MY GOD, that is Simon le Bon, from Duran Duran!” and I realize I might have overreacted… they are all staring at me, and I think - say something so they don’t think you lost it, now. “Well guys, I had the biggest crush on him when I was young, I mean, I was determined to marry him, we were destined to be lovers! Back in the ‘80s I used to listen to all the music coming from England. I can say I am an expert”. How do I do that? Again they all look at me with funny expressions. “Really?” - Jason asks - “That is interesting. Our Howie here has been going around for ages saying HE is the ultimate expert on the music from the ‘80s”. I look at him and he looks back at me and then I notice his eyes, never seen anything like that but I need to focus, focus girl focus!
Howard gives me a killing smile “Well, I guess it is a matter easy to settle. My i-pod is right here and I’m sure you will have no trouble in telling me song titles and artists. We could consider it a rematch from last summer world cup”.
“Why not, I can do it, even though it cannot be a rematch since Italy did not play England and we wan the world cup. Anyway, I fell like we need to set some ground rules: it must be something played in Italy too, therefore if in the little thing there” - I say pointing at his i-pod – “there is a recording of your neighbor’s son singing a jingle for the local supermarket, that doesn’t count. And it cannot be dance music. I hate that stuff”. Judging by the look in his face I just did it again. Screwing up is becoming my thing tonight.
“Deal” - we shake hands, his touch is so warm. I fell butterflies in my stomach oh no, the magnet has just been turned on, not him you stupid thing, is the other one, the one with the sweet smile, oh shit!
I get four out the six songs he selects, he is really good at this, but I don’t wanna stop now, I love winning and I love winning big, problem is he doesn’t like losing, especially not to me.
“Well, would you care make this thing more interesting?”
“What do you have in mind?” I ask.
“One thing only” Mark says and they all laugh. Howard doesn’t seem to care “I have the sensation you don’t like me that much, so if you don’t get the last song right you will dance with me, here and now.”
“Here?” I look at Emma, hoping for some sort of help but she just opens her arms miming something like you’re on your own on this one.
He seems shocked by the fact I’m not head over hills at the idea of having the honor of dancing with. “You might not realize it but there are women out there who would be more than happy to get in line and have the chance to dance with me”.
So easy it’s not even funny “That’s what it was!” I say hitting my forehead “I though it was the line for the loo, but no, they were waiting for you to invite them to the dance floor. That’s great news; it means I can go to the restroom now. If you will excuse me…”
I stand up, everyone is laughing, except Howard – who he did not like my joke – and Diamond – who did not get my joke.
“Go girl” Dawn says and she high fives Emma.
The lads nods in support and I feel bad now.
“Right, I am all alone in this, but I am no chicken. So what do you say?”
“I’m in, but since I am lady, can I take my time thinking about what penalty you will have to pay?”
“Yes, but I wouldn’t keep my hopes up if I were you. I never loose”.
“Neither do I”.
He reaches for his i-pod and scrolls some songs down until his eyes lights up. Hands me his headphones and presses play.
The table is suddenly very quiet. They all seem very interested and I must say it feels surreal. I have a gorgeous, probably mental but still gorgeous, man in front of me and the only thing I can think about are new ways of pissing him off.
“Can I listen to the first bit one more time, please?”
He smirks, “be my guest” and presses play again.
“Time’s up principessa, should we get to the dance floor? Latino, hip hop, ballroom dance? You name it, I’m all yours”.
I put my hands on the table, and I stand up almost ready to follow him and with a very sad voice I answer “I am the worst dancer ever, but what can I say?” and I start singing in a very low voice “When I am with you it’s paradise…” and he looks at me in disbelief, and I continue “song from the soundtrack of the “Paradise” movie starring Phoebe Cates, who by the way also sings it”.
Everyone starts laughing and cheering up and making toasts!
“Howie my friend” Jason says “I don’t know what is worst, seeing you beat up by a girl or the fact you have “Paradise” in you i-pod. What other terrible secrets are you keeping from us?”
Mark in an extremely mocking tone adds “Howard listens to cheeesssyyyy luuuuvvvvveeee sssooooonnnggsssssssssss”.
I need to stop the madness, and everyone wants to know what penalty he will have to pay. I know I should take it easy, but the temptation is so strong…
“Well, since I’ve heard you have a very good voice and this is a karaoke restaurant after all, I would like you to sing a song for me”.
He smiles, relaxed at last. His eyes are saying “See, I got her, no matter what they do to resist me, Howie conquers all”. And he moves towards the microphone.
40 minutes later we get to the restaurant to realize I haven’t checked my make-up since 9 o’clock this morning, my hair lost their battle against London rain and the blue dress I’m wearing is not even my lucky one…. A walking mess, that’s what I am. Whatever, I have no magic wand and Jason is probably just another loser.
I look around and my mind tries to understand how a posh restaurant can have a karaoke station and a dancing area… Breath deep I said to myself and follow Emma to our table.
She introduces me and I smile politely, they seem all impressed by the fact I am not at all impressed by meeting them. Gary looks at the others and like they have been doing it few times before they go “I’m Gary” “I’m Mark” “I’m Jason” “and I’m Howard” and the four of them “and we’re Take That”!
Again, no clue. I feel like they are all playing a comedy and I got no script. I’m trying to understand if there is something I should be saying. I stay there, with an idiotic smile on my face - think of something clever to say - but Mark comes to my rescue “Take That, come on, the band, errrr the boy-band”. Before my brain has the time to register what my mouth is about to burst out I reply “I’m so retarded sometimes! Of course I know you! You’re the band Robbie Williams used be in”.
And cut! The all froze; looking at me like I disclosed the ultimate Fatima secret and as far as I am concerned I just wish someone will put and end to all my sufferings. Good thing Jason smiles and shakes my hand “Yep! That would be us. Nice to meet you”.
Mark did his homework and I am sitting between Jason and Howard. We do some small talk, Jason is truly sweet and we find out we have so many things in common. Love the same music and we are even reading the same book. Dawn is a real sport and we’re having fun if only Howard and Diamond would stop making out. “Get a room” Gary says and we all laugh. They don’t seem to care. All of the sudden my face turns into a fascinating shade of green and I scream “OH MY GOD, that is Simon le Bon, from Duran Duran!” and I realize I might have overreacted… they are all staring at me, and I think - say something so they don’t think you lost it, now. “Well guys, I had the biggest crush on him when I was young, I mean, I was determined to marry him, we were destined to be lovers! Back in the ‘80s I used to listen to all the music coming from England. I can say I am an expert”. How do I do that? Again they all look at me with funny expressions. “Really?” - Jason asks - “That is interesting. Our Howie here has been going around for ages saying HE is the ultimate expert on the music from the ‘80s”. I look at him and he looks back at me and then I notice his eyes, never seen anything like that but I need to focus, focus girl focus!
Howard gives me a killing smile “Well, I guess it is a matter easy to settle. My i-pod is right here and I’m sure you will have no trouble in telling me song titles and artists. We could consider it a rematch from last summer world cup”.
“Why not, I can do it, even though it cannot be a rematch since Italy did not play England and we wan the world cup. Anyway, I fell like we need to set some ground rules: it must be something played in Italy too, therefore if in the little thing there” - I say pointing at his i-pod – “there is a recording of your neighbor’s son singing a jingle for the local supermarket, that doesn’t count. And it cannot be dance music. I hate that stuff”. Judging by the look in his face I just did it again. Screwing up is becoming my thing tonight.
“Deal” - we shake hands, his touch is so warm. I fell butterflies in my stomach oh no, the magnet has just been turned on, not him you stupid thing, is the other one, the one with the sweet smile, oh shit!
I get four out the six songs he selects, he is really good at this, but I don’t wanna stop now, I love winning and I love winning big, problem is he doesn’t like losing, especially not to me.
“Well, would you care make this thing more interesting?”
“What do you have in mind?” I ask.
“One thing only” Mark says and they all laugh. Howard doesn’t seem to care “I have the sensation you don’t like me that much, so if you don’t get the last song right you will dance with me, here and now.”
“Here?” I look at Emma, hoping for some sort of help but she just opens her arms miming something like you’re on your own on this one.
He seems shocked by the fact I’m not head over hills at the idea of having the honor of dancing with. “You might not realize it but there are women out there who would be more than happy to get in line and have the chance to dance with me”.
So easy it’s not even funny “That’s what it was!” I say hitting my forehead “I though it was the line for the loo, but no, they were waiting for you to invite them to the dance floor. That’s great news; it means I can go to the restroom now. If you will excuse me…”
I stand up, everyone is laughing, except Howard – who he did not like my joke – and Diamond – who did not get my joke.
“Go girl” Dawn says and she high fives Emma.
The lads nods in support and I feel bad now.
“Right, I am all alone in this, but I am no chicken. So what do you say?”
“I’m in, but since I am lady, can I take my time thinking about what penalty you will have to pay?”
“Yes, but I wouldn’t keep my hopes up if I were you. I never loose”.
“Neither do I”.
He reaches for his i-pod and scrolls some songs down until his eyes lights up. Hands me his headphones and presses play.
The table is suddenly very quiet. They all seem very interested and I must say it feels surreal. I have a gorgeous, probably mental but still gorgeous, man in front of me and the only thing I can think about are new ways of pissing him off.
“Can I listen to the first bit one more time, please?”
He smirks, “be my guest” and presses play again.
“Time’s up principessa, should we get to the dance floor? Latino, hip hop, ballroom dance? You name it, I’m all yours”.
I put my hands on the table, and I stand up almost ready to follow him and with a very sad voice I answer “I am the worst dancer ever, but what can I say?” and I start singing in a very low voice “When I am with you it’s paradise…” and he looks at me in disbelief, and I continue “song from the soundtrack of the “Paradise” movie starring Phoebe Cates, who by the way also sings it”.
Everyone starts laughing and cheering up and making toasts!
“Howie my friend” Jason says “I don’t know what is worst, seeing you beat up by a girl or the fact you have “Paradise” in you i-pod. What other terrible secrets are you keeping from us?”
Mark in an extremely mocking tone adds “Howard listens to cheeesssyyyy luuuuvvvvveeee sssooooonnnggsssssssssss”.
I need to stop the madness, and everyone wants to know what penalty he will have to pay. I know I should take it easy, but the temptation is so strong…
“Well, since I’ve heard you have a very good voice and this is a karaoke restaurant after all, I would like you to sing a song for me”.
He smiles, relaxed at last. His eyes are saying “See, I got her, no matter what they do to resist me, Howie conquers all”. And he moves towards the microphone.
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