Jason is in his pram waiting to be taken outside. The bell rings and I go open the door.
“Mark!” I’m surprised to see him “what are you doing here? I thought it was Glenn’s week to come and pick Jason up”
“I know, but let’s just say our little Donald man is not feeling very well this morning. It believe it is called post bacchanal syndrome”
“What did they do this time?”
“If by they you mean Howard too, he didn’t go. We stayed home. We put our PJs on and crushed on the sofa. We made popcorn and watched a rerun of Jane Eyre on BBC and he got all emotional when Rochester proposed. He’s a pathetic human being, Doug not Rochester.”
“He will all survive this, nobody dies for love”
“Unless you are in a Greek tragedy or in cheesy movie or your name is Juliet”
I get the hint, “Emma’s rehearsing already?”
“Yes, she’s basically in Stratford 4 days a week. She left me all alone, sad and miserable, does it ring a bell? Moreover the guy playing Romeo is not gay. So I’m not entirely happy about her kissing and hugging a tall, handsome stranger’
“Welcome to my world!”
“Right! Since you are not taking Doug back any time soon we decided to keep him. Can we? He’s very handy, great cook, moans like crazy but nobody’s perfect. Should we pay you something or you’re giving the father of your children away for free?”
“You can have him”
“Poor, poor, poor Howard”
“I don’t want to hear”
“It has been 4 weeks; don’t you think you should at least talk to him?”
“I’m talking to him”
“Sure, about Jason, or the pregnancy, last time you broke any previous records, 56 seconds on the phone.”
“I’m thrifty”
“He called you”
“My evil plan is to destroy his life first and get all his money later. I know what I’m doing. Besides out little chart works.”
“If you say so. How long do you think we can go on taking turns in coming here and get Jason so he can spend time with his father? He needs to come back here. This is his home too”
“I beg to differ. You should know I don’t like you Mark Owen and that’s why your name on the chart is Pink. You Mr. Pink to me. I’m Quentin Tarantino and you’re one of my Reservoir Dogs”
“I don’t want to be MR. Pink, I’m mysterious”
“and short”
“and sexy”
“and short”
“and I am not the pink kind, I’m more maroon, or magenta, I’m a precious ruby, that’s what I am”
“Oh God. I like when Jason comes here. He still feels so guilty he brings me tofu muffins, flowers and doesn’t say a word”
“You got them too? He has been stuffing our kitchen with that imitation of food as well. We tried to feed it to the dog but he refused. We need to find Jay a woman so he can cut all this organic healthy living crap. Soya ice cream is just wrong”
“There you go, the little prince is ready. I have a class at 6 p.m. so I might be a little late tonight”
“That’s fine; he can just spend the night with us. We are basically recording, going home and drown our sorrows in milk and chocolate chip cookies. We can have an all men night in!”
“That would be perfect”
“Come on, I know you miss him, admit it”
“No I don’t”
“Yesterday, talking to Gary you called your significant other Howard”
“He is no longer my significant other and that’s name”
“Not for the past 4 weeks, we got so used to the sweet nickname you gave him I called him cheating bastard the other day”
“Welcome to the club”
“He needs you. He needs his family back. He came down to the kitchen this morning mumbling he’s going to die alone, and his body will be found by the cleaning lady or by a passer by who smelled his rotten corpse. He deserves no love and he should just do the world a favor and disappear”
“Appealing thought, you’ve just made my day”
“I almost forgot! We are going to have clowns”
“To cheer How-the cheating bastard up?”
“No, for our children’s first birthday! The party’s on Saturday! Don’t tell me you forgot! We are planning a jubilee! You’ll see, it is all about impressing the guests!”
“I don’t think I can make it”
“Yes you can. Howard told me to tell you he’s going to Manchester to see his mother. So you can come and not risking to meet him”
…… “That is nice of him, but he doesn’t need to. I will celebrate Jay’s birthday on Sunday. It’s fine. I could use some rest and some quiet hours. Tell him he has my blessing”
Mark is not ready to give up. He squats behind the pram and take Jason’ hands in his and start moving them, like he’s a puppet. And a little and squeaking voice starts pleading “Mummy please. Come! It’s my first birthday party! If both my parents won’t be there I’m gonna need so much therapy we will need to sell the house to pay the bills and I don’t wanna live under a bridge. Pleaseeeeeeeee!” I can tell Jason is having the time of his life. And it is true I shouldn’t miss his first birthday. I did all the work, I should be there.
“Stop it! I’ll come”
“Happy dance Jay-Jay! We made it!”
“I want to set the record straight. This has nothing to do with the cheating bastard. I’m issuing a restraining order, I want you to tell him he cannot talk or look at me. I don’t want his mother to tell me how much her beloved yet cheating son is suffering. Have I made myself understood?
“Yes Sir!”
“If he heads my direction I’m gonna take my son and leave, and I’ll take the cake with me”.
“Mark!” I’m surprised to see him “what are you doing here? I thought it was Glenn’s week to come and pick Jason up”
“I know, but let’s just say our little Donald man is not feeling very well this morning. It believe it is called post bacchanal syndrome”
“What did they do this time?”
“If by they you mean Howard too, he didn’t go. We stayed home. We put our PJs on and crushed on the sofa. We made popcorn and watched a rerun of Jane Eyre on BBC and he got all emotional when Rochester proposed. He’s a pathetic human being, Doug not Rochester.”
“He will all survive this, nobody dies for love”
“Unless you are in a Greek tragedy or in cheesy movie or your name is Juliet”
I get the hint, “Emma’s rehearsing already?”
“Yes, she’s basically in Stratford 4 days a week. She left me all alone, sad and miserable, does it ring a bell? Moreover the guy playing Romeo is not gay. So I’m not entirely happy about her kissing and hugging a tall, handsome stranger’
“Welcome to my world!”
“Right! Since you are not taking Doug back any time soon we decided to keep him. Can we? He’s very handy, great cook, moans like crazy but nobody’s perfect. Should we pay you something or you’re giving the father of your children away for free?”
“You can have him”
“Poor, poor, poor Howard”
“I don’t want to hear”
“It has been 4 weeks; don’t you think you should at least talk to him?”
“I’m talking to him”
“Sure, about Jason, or the pregnancy, last time you broke any previous records, 56 seconds on the phone.”
“I’m thrifty”
“He called you”
“My evil plan is to destroy his life first and get all his money later. I know what I’m doing. Besides out little chart works.”
“If you say so. How long do you think we can go on taking turns in coming here and get Jason so he can spend time with his father? He needs to come back here. This is his home too”
“I beg to differ. You should know I don’t like you Mark Owen and that’s why your name on the chart is Pink. You Mr. Pink to me. I’m Quentin Tarantino and you’re one of my Reservoir Dogs”
“I don’t want to be MR. Pink, I’m mysterious”
“and short”
“and sexy”
“and short”
“and I am not the pink kind, I’m more maroon, or magenta, I’m a precious ruby, that’s what I am”
“Oh God. I like when Jason comes here. He still feels so guilty he brings me tofu muffins, flowers and doesn’t say a word”
“You got them too? He has been stuffing our kitchen with that imitation of food as well. We tried to feed it to the dog but he refused. We need to find Jay a woman so he can cut all this organic healthy living crap. Soya ice cream is just wrong”
“There you go, the little prince is ready. I have a class at 6 p.m. so I might be a little late tonight”
“That’s fine; he can just spend the night with us. We are basically recording, going home and drown our sorrows in milk and chocolate chip cookies. We can have an all men night in!”
“That would be perfect”
“Come on, I know you miss him, admit it”
“No I don’t”
“Yesterday, talking to Gary you called your significant other Howard”
“He is no longer my significant other and that’s name”
“Not for the past 4 weeks, we got so used to the sweet nickname you gave him I called him cheating bastard the other day”
“Welcome to the club”
“He needs you. He needs his family back. He came down to the kitchen this morning mumbling he’s going to die alone, and his body will be found by the cleaning lady or by a passer by who smelled his rotten corpse. He deserves no love and he should just do the world a favor and disappear”
“Appealing thought, you’ve just made my day”
“I almost forgot! We are going to have clowns”
“To cheer How-the cheating bastard up?”
“No, for our children’s first birthday! The party’s on Saturday! Don’t tell me you forgot! We are planning a jubilee! You’ll see, it is all about impressing the guests!”
“I don’t think I can make it”
“Yes you can. Howard told me to tell you he’s going to Manchester to see his mother. So you can come and not risking to meet him”
…… “That is nice of him, but he doesn’t need to. I will celebrate Jay’s birthday on Sunday. It’s fine. I could use some rest and some quiet hours. Tell him he has my blessing”
Mark is not ready to give up. He squats behind the pram and take Jason’ hands in his and start moving them, like he’s a puppet. And a little and squeaking voice starts pleading “Mummy please. Come! It’s my first birthday party! If both my parents won’t be there I’m gonna need so much therapy we will need to sell the house to pay the bills and I don’t wanna live under a bridge. Pleaseeeeeeeee!” I can tell Jason is having the time of his life. And it is true I shouldn’t miss his first birthday. I did all the work, I should be there.
“Stop it! I’ll come”
“Happy dance Jay-Jay! We made it!”
“I want to set the record straight. This has nothing to do with the cheating bastard. I’m issuing a restraining order, I want you to tell him he cannot talk or look at me. I don’t want his mother to tell me how much her beloved yet cheating son is suffering. Have I made myself understood?
“Yes Sir!”
“If he heads my direction I’m gonna take my son and leave, and I’ll take the cake with me”.
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