WITH OR WITHOUT YOU 26

“Who are you? Florence bloody Nightingale?”
“Smartass. I’m moving back in. Debate is over.”
“Tough talk does not work with me. Do you really want to pick up a fight with me now? While I’m in a hospital bed with a needle in my arm?”
“Howard, don’t give in, she’s good but you need to focus. Go mate, get her” James is clearly taking side.
He turns to him “Thanks!” and back on me “Of course I don’t want to pick a fight with you now” he uses his sweet tone and a smile. “We will put it on hold. I’ll wait for you to get better and then we will have a major argument with slamming doors, yelling and potential objects throwing. Do you have any idea what you put me through over the past 4 weeks? Whatever I did you made me pay big fucking time. Now I’ve had enough.”
“You …”
“Shut up, I’m not done!” he turns towards James and asks “How am I doing?”
“Awesome”
“I appreciate it mate!” and he looks back at me changing his tone too “I’m moving back in. As I said yesterday, I’ll be staying in the guestroom; I’ll cook, take care of Jason and be your sex slave”
“If you don’t accept I’ll take him”, we all turn and we stare at the nurse who pushed the scan in. She has been there the all time and apparently she is now regretting she couldn’t keep her big mouth shut. James and Howard laugh, I give her my killer look and she leaves.
I turn to Howard “And you’ll be invisible”
“Scout’s word is sacred”


I’m on sick leave. So I’m basically just waiting for my ass to get as big as the sofa, watching TV, reading and listening to music.
The door opens and Howard enters carrying a large box.
“What’s that?”
“My new Macbook”. He’s holding it like it is Dorothy and I am the Wicked Witch of the West “and you are not supposed to touch it. In case you’re wondering, it’s a basic one, it cannot fly”
“Are you sure? Maybe it just needs some practice and I could…”
“You stay away from it”
“Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. Women are unpredictable, that’s what makes us so irresistible”
“You’re plain crazy.”
“You can put it in the study and now bugger off, I’m reading ‘Hundred years of solitude’ to Tristan”.
He gently puts the box on the floor. “Who’s Tristan?”
“The postman! He’s our baby, that’s how we are going to name him”
He puts his hands on his hips. “That’s a loser’s name. Jack is cool, Ben is cool, even Terry is cool. Tristan is just sad. He’s the little guy who gets bit up everyday at school. The one who doesn’t get a date before he turns 25 because his lunatic mother thought it would be eccentric to give him a pompous, pathetic and pretentious name.”
“I see… May I remind you, you’re supposed to be invisible?”
“I am invisible and Zen”
I know I should give him a break, he’s helpful and sweet but I feel this rage inside me and I need someone to abuse, I’m a damn bitch on the loose. “Are those new synonyms for cheating bastard?”
He looks at me surprised and hurt, “I’m out of here” I can tell is trying not to lose control.
I switch play and from the stereo Elvis starts singing “Always on my mind”.
“Howard, honey, listen, our song!”
‘Maybe I didn’t treat youQuite as good as I should haveMaybe I didn’t love youQuite as often as I could haveLittle things I should have said and doneI just never took the time’
“Not picking up a fight with you” and he grabs his mobile and keys.
“Jason needs to be at the music playgroup in 20 minutes. Let’s just hope it will help him to find a proper job so he won’t have to earn his living rhyming ‘real’ and ‘dream’”.
“Enough! What have I done now? Sometimes I swear I just wish I could … I’m taking Jason to the Montessori school. I can’t stand to look at you right now.”
“Meaning ‘when I said I’ll wait for you I really wanted to tell you I need to be somewhere by Friday so you should make up your mind soon’”.
He gets closer. He raises his arm, and he struggling not to do something we would both regret. And I am scared. I pushed him too far. “You are fucking unfair! Tell me what I have to do! I just want some peace!”
“Sweet talk …”
“MY BLOODY TURN! When I get back we need to talk. I’m sick and tired of your attitude”, places Jason in his pram and slams the door.
*slamming doors are never a good sign, what am I doing, why am I scaring him away?* but the door opens and he marches back in. Presses STOP, puts another cd in and presses play “that’s what you should be listening to!” and goes back out. And his ‘Hold on’ fills the room. I want to call him back but I have a second thought.

I’m waiting for him to come back. I’m sitting on the stairs to the second floor. I check my watch, it has been 40 minutes. It doesn’t take so long to walk for two blocks and back. *I am a stupid cow, stupid, stupid, stupid cow* he’s not coming back. If I was him I would not come back. And I hear the keys in the lock. *He’s back, he’s the only one to have the keys. He’s back*
He steps in, put his mobile and key on the little table by the entrance and he sees me.
Before he can say something I start “I’m sorry Howard, I really am. Please.” My voice is trembling. He runs to me, bending on his knees, right at my feet. He shushes me placing is index and middle finger on my lips.
“I have two simple questions to ask you. I just need a simple yes or no, understand?”
I nod in agreement.
“Do you still love me?”
“Yes”
“Do you think you can still trust me?”
……..
“Do you think you can still trust me?”
“Yes”
“We are not talking about what happened ever again. This is a brand new start”
“Yes”
Moves his fingers and replaces them with his lips. His arms enclose me a little tighter for just a moment before relaxing, almost as an afterthought. He seems hesitant to overdo it. I open my lips wider as we kiss. Howard knows I’m ready and he begins to slowly flick his tongue with mine. His fingertips trace up and down my spine. I almost forgot the sensations he can give me and it brings a smile to my lips. It is the moment I realize I have been holding my breath. He breaks the kiss and looks into my eyes. He locks my short hair into his fingers. “Hello stranger! My name’s Howard, I sing and dance. I used to be DJ but I gave it up because I want to spend more time at home with the love of my life”
I smile. “Hello Howard, nice to meet you. My name’s Monica and I teach at King’s College. I’m going to be on sabbatical this year. This guy I really like is going on tour and I want to be by his side. I don’t think I’ve been very supportive in the past.”
He kisses me again, “You taste good. So you just like me eh?”
I’m stroking his hair “I’m old fashioned, I met you like 2 minutes ago. What do you expect?”
“I missed you”.

THE END