“I’ve told you already. I’m home. Not going anywhere” and caresses my hair.
“Good” I cuddle and smile at myself “Now that I am all happy and reassured, could I have my pancakes?”
“My mom told me! She got you right from the start. I’m just your toy boy! You first use me to satisfy you lust, then your stomach!”
“You’re such a drama queen!” I tease him.
He rolls over and stands up. “Well, judging from the mess around here I guess you have nothing to complain about. Haven’t you?” and winks. He does a little stretching and asks “you don’t think I am too old to go back on tour, do you? It has been 10 years since I was last on a stage. I’m shit scared. Really. What if I’m not up the challenge?”
I get close to him and I look right into his blue eyes.
“I saw you rehearsing. The four of you are perfect. The show is amazing and you’re gonna be brilliant. And worst case scenario, I will hire you as my T.A., the pay is not much but the food at the cafeteria is really dreadful”.
He makes an offended face and says “Oh, you’re so funny! Truly, you should do stand up!” He then throws a sponge at me “Make yourself useful and clean the mess you made me do. There’s pancake mix everywhere”.
“It’s not my fault if you’re clumsy and besides, I do not wish to set a precedent. It was my understanding cleaning up was not going to be part of today’s drill. Moreover I need a shower and I have work to do.” I smile and change my tone “I regret to inform the emperor I’ll be back in 20 and expect my massive breakfast to be ready. You wore me out and I’m starving.” I bow, grab my bathrobe and leave the kitchen.
I’m already walking up the stairs when I hear him shouting right behind me “That’s FINE! Just go! It’s not like a care. I’ll be here - on my own. Do the cleaning. If we were the characters of a book you would be the evil stepsister and I would be Cinderella. Oh yes! And I warn you, the moment my prince charming come through that door YOU will be history!”
I turn around “I might be history but you’re MENTAL! And now that you mentioned it, my dress needs to be ironed!”
“That’s ENOUGH, I’m calling the union right now! I know my rights!”
- We’re both being very dramatic and we’re having so much fun -
He’s not done yet “Even better I’ll call Gaz and tell him the way you abuse me! Yes! That’s what I am going to do! He’ll take care of your attitude missy!”
“I’m scared now! Really am! Do you think your buddy could turn up wearing his ‘Relight my Fire’ costume? That would impress me! Speaking of which, would you mind putting something ON?”
“Last time I checked I was still the bloody emperor around here! If I wish I can be naked as long as I want. It was in the paper, I’m the TT member with the BODY! And take a mental picture of it because you’re not going to get your dirty hands on it for a looooong time!”
In spite I’m taking a shower and he’s back into the kitchen making breakfast we keep shouting back and forth for a good ten minutes when he shows up at the bathroom door holding the phone with a very puzzled look on his face.
“What’s up honey?” I ask.
“It’s our neighbors, they just called. They want us to move. They are sick and tired of – let me quote them – ‘live next to a tribe of barbarians’. They caught me off guard, so FYI, I blamed it on your Italian genes. Hope you don’t mind”.
“You did what? I turned down a job at the university of Florence so I could be here supporting you trying to get your career back on track, which means I might never being able to find a decent job in my home-country EVER AGAIN! I did it all for you and you blame YOUR lack of self control and manners on my fellow countrymen? SHAME ON YOU!” I sound really hurt, I’m good at this game. How he still buys it goes beyond my understanding.
“No, honey, no, I didn’t mean to offend you, it was just a joke, I’m so sorry” and he struggles to hug me.
I give him evil look “sucker!” and slam the door in his face.
It’s a good thing I’ve been working out lately. I can move fast. All those dance routines are paying off. She slams the door right into my face. Good thing I saw it coming. She’s gonna hurt me good one of these days. Giving up a dream job for me. In Florence. I can’t believe she thinks I’m still falling for her tricks. Staring at the door now. Two options: play my best Jack Nicholson impression and pretend we’re in ‘The Shining’ hotel and bang on the door screaming ‘Wendy! I’m Home!’ Or go back down and set the table. Look at the phone in my hand. Probably not a good idea to piss the neighbors off some more. Kitchen here I come.
After breakfast we are both in the study. I am trying to grade papers, but I’m feeling blue. The words on the pages make no sense to me. And it’s not my fault.
Howard is sitting on the opposite side of the large desk. He’s staring at me for the longest time and asks “Come on! Give your poor students some credit. They cannot be so bad”.
I respond with the finger-down-throat ‘I’m going to be sick’ gesture. “No, this is beyond me. Look at this” and I hand him one of the papers “Bryan thought he could impress me drawing a comparison between Donatello the painter and Donatello the Ninja Turtle. He also wished to point out one thing Donatello and Michelangelo have in common is they’re both dead. What am I supposed to do?”
“Really? Let me see” he scans the page and smiles “this guy is cool! He also drew a little Ninja Turtle holding a brush. Can I meet him?”
“No you can’t.”
“Come on! Don’t tell me you don’t find it funny! I’m sorry to be the one to break the news to you but you need a reality check. We can’t be all dreadful little swot like you are”.
“Sorry - what? FYI, I am not dreadful. Back to work now”.
“Yes master”.
I’m trying to concentrate but he glances toward me. I pretend to take no notice. He moves stuff around. I pretend to take no notice. Draws fascinating stick men all over the pages in front of him. I pretend to take no notice. He eventually moves around behind me and looks over my shoulder.
“Honey, you do realize if you don’t cut the crap I will have to kill you right?”
“I’m sorry but this is the most boring stuff” - and hands me pages he’s holding – “I have ever read since I tried to get some sense out of the dishwasher instruction manual”.
“Oh I’m sorry Tesoro, but when you volunteered to proof read my paper on ‘Judith, Holofernes and the Politics of Representation’ what did you expect exactly? The musical version of a Biblical Myth?”
“Volunteered? Me? When did it happen?”
“We’re missing the point here. I’m going to a very important conference and I thought you wanted to be involved in what I do for a living. There will be very important scholars and they will ask very specific questions. I need to be super ready and the paper super perfect.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do they care? They’re dead, it’s over. Don’t they have a life?”
I stare at him I disbelief. “Oh my God, you’re right! I’ve never thought about that. What am I doing? Tricia was right, ‘ignorance is a blessing’!”
“Always liked her.”
“What do you MEAN exactly?”
“NOTHING, I swear nothing. Whatever I did I didn’t mean it”
“Leave Gary out of this, I warn you!” and I don’t know why I am raising my voice now.
“I have the feeling I am not really needed in this conversation. What is it going on in that brain of yours? Is it PMS time again? If so I can just sleep at Jason’s and come back when you’ve performed your monthly exorcism and killed the beast within”.
“Watch out, you’ve just entered the no fly zone.”
He spreads his arms and pretends he’s a plane running in circle around the desk. “Look at me, I can FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY”. Then he lands right by my chair and start singing
“When I wake up well I know I'm gonna beI'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to youWhen I go out yeah I know I'm gonna beI'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
If I get drunk
“Yeah I know” I have to add.
He knows he has me right there so keeps going
“I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
But I would walk 500 miles
“Good” I cuddle and smile at myself “Now that I am all happy and reassured, could I have my pancakes?”
“My mom told me! She got you right from the start. I’m just your toy boy! You first use me to satisfy you lust, then your stomach!”
“You’re such a drama queen!” I tease him.
He rolls over and stands up. “Well, judging from the mess around here I guess you have nothing to complain about. Haven’t you?” and winks. He does a little stretching and asks “you don’t think I am too old to go back on tour, do you? It has been 10 years since I was last on a stage. I’m shit scared. Really. What if I’m not up the challenge?”
I get close to him and I look right into his blue eyes.
“I saw you rehearsing. The four of you are perfect. The show is amazing and you’re gonna be brilliant. And worst case scenario, I will hire you as my T.A., the pay is not much but the food at the cafeteria is really dreadful”.
He makes an offended face and says “Oh, you’re so funny! Truly, you should do stand up!” He then throws a sponge at me “Make yourself useful and clean the mess you made me do. There’s pancake mix everywhere”.
“It’s not my fault if you’re clumsy and besides, I do not wish to set a precedent. It was my understanding cleaning up was not going to be part of today’s drill. Moreover I need a shower and I have work to do.” I smile and change my tone “I regret to inform the emperor I’ll be back in 20 and expect my massive breakfast to be ready. You wore me out and I’m starving.” I bow, grab my bathrobe and leave the kitchen.
I’m already walking up the stairs when I hear him shouting right behind me “That’s FINE! Just go! It’s not like a care. I’ll be here - on my own. Do the cleaning. If we were the characters of a book you would be the evil stepsister and I would be Cinderella. Oh yes! And I warn you, the moment my prince charming come through that door YOU will be history!”
I turn around “I might be history but you’re MENTAL! And now that you mentioned it, my dress needs to be ironed!”
“That’s ENOUGH, I’m calling the union right now! I know my rights!”
- We’re both being very dramatic and we’re having so much fun -
He’s not done yet “Even better I’ll call Gaz and tell him the way you abuse me! Yes! That’s what I am going to do! He’ll take care of your attitude missy!”
“I’m scared now! Really am! Do you think your buddy could turn up wearing his ‘Relight my Fire’ costume? That would impress me! Speaking of which, would you mind putting something ON?”
“Last time I checked I was still the bloody emperor around here! If I wish I can be naked as long as I want. It was in the paper, I’m the TT member with the BODY! And take a mental picture of it because you’re not going to get your dirty hands on it for a looooong time!”
In spite I’m taking a shower and he’s back into the kitchen making breakfast we keep shouting back and forth for a good ten minutes when he shows up at the bathroom door holding the phone with a very puzzled look on his face.
“What’s up honey?” I ask.
“It’s our neighbors, they just called. They want us to move. They are sick and tired of – let me quote them – ‘live next to a tribe of barbarians’. They caught me off guard, so FYI, I blamed it on your Italian genes. Hope you don’t mind”.
“You did what? I turned down a job at the university of Florence so I could be here supporting you trying to get your career back on track, which means I might never being able to find a decent job in my home-country EVER AGAIN! I did it all for you and you blame YOUR lack of self control and manners on my fellow countrymen? SHAME ON YOU!” I sound really hurt, I’m good at this game. How he still buys it goes beyond my understanding.
“No, honey, no, I didn’t mean to offend you, it was just a joke, I’m so sorry” and he struggles to hug me.
I give him evil look “sucker!” and slam the door in his face.
It’s a good thing I’ve been working out lately. I can move fast. All those dance routines are paying off. She slams the door right into my face. Good thing I saw it coming. She’s gonna hurt me good one of these days. Giving up a dream job for me. In Florence. I can’t believe she thinks I’m still falling for her tricks. Staring at the door now. Two options: play my best Jack Nicholson impression and pretend we’re in ‘The Shining’ hotel and bang on the door screaming ‘Wendy! I’m Home!’ Or go back down and set the table. Look at the phone in my hand. Probably not a good idea to piss the neighbors off some more. Kitchen here I come.
After breakfast we are both in the study. I am trying to grade papers, but I’m feeling blue. The words on the pages make no sense to me. And it’s not my fault.
Howard is sitting on the opposite side of the large desk. He’s staring at me for the longest time and asks “Come on! Give your poor students some credit. They cannot be so bad”.
I respond with the finger-down-throat ‘I’m going to be sick’ gesture. “No, this is beyond me. Look at this” and I hand him one of the papers “Bryan thought he could impress me drawing a comparison between Donatello the painter and Donatello the Ninja Turtle. He also wished to point out one thing Donatello and Michelangelo have in common is they’re both dead. What am I supposed to do?”
“Really? Let me see” he scans the page and smiles “this guy is cool! He also drew a little Ninja Turtle holding a brush. Can I meet him?”
“No you can’t.”
“Come on! Don’t tell me you don’t find it funny! I’m sorry to be the one to break the news to you but you need a reality check. We can’t be all dreadful little swot like you are”.
“Sorry - what? FYI, I am not dreadful. Back to work now”.
“Yes master”.
I’m trying to concentrate but he glances toward me. I pretend to take no notice. He moves stuff around. I pretend to take no notice. Draws fascinating stick men all over the pages in front of him. I pretend to take no notice. He eventually moves around behind me and looks over my shoulder.
“Honey, you do realize if you don’t cut the crap I will have to kill you right?”
“I’m sorry but this is the most boring stuff” - and hands me pages he’s holding – “I have ever read since I tried to get some sense out of the dishwasher instruction manual”.
“Oh I’m sorry Tesoro, but when you volunteered to proof read my paper on ‘Judith, Holofernes and the Politics of Representation’ what did you expect exactly? The musical version of a Biblical Myth?”
“Volunteered? Me? When did it happen?”
“We’re missing the point here. I’m going to a very important conference and I thought you wanted to be involved in what I do for a living. There will be very important scholars and they will ask very specific questions. I need to be super ready and the paper super perfect.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do they care? They’re dead, it’s over. Don’t they have a life?”
I stare at him I disbelief. “Oh my God, you’re right! I’ve never thought about that. What am I doing? Tricia was right, ‘ignorance is a blessing’!”
“Always liked her.”
“What do you MEAN exactly?”
“NOTHING, I swear nothing. Whatever I did I didn’t mean it”
“Leave Gary out of this, I warn you!” and I don’t know why I am raising my voice now.
“I have the feeling I am not really needed in this conversation. What is it going on in that brain of yours? Is it PMS time again? If so I can just sleep at Jason’s and come back when you’ve performed your monthly exorcism and killed the beast within”.
“Watch out, you’ve just entered the no fly zone.”
He spreads his arms and pretends he’s a plane running in circle around the desk. “Look at me, I can FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY”. Then he lands right by my chair and start singing
“When I wake up well I know I'm gonna beI'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to youWhen I go out yeah I know I'm gonna beI'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
If I get drunk
“Yeah I know” I have to add.
He knows he has me right there so keeps going
“I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles
To fall down at your door.”
He pulls his ‘love-me-I’m-a-cutie face’ and says “So, even though I don’t really know what I was accused of, am I forgiven?”
“Guess so.”
“Brilliant! I’m bored let’s go out”
He pulls his ‘love-me-I’m-a-cutie face’ and says “So, even though I don’t really know what I was accused of, am I forgiven?”
“Guess so.”
“Brilliant! I’m bored let’s go out”
Nessun commento:
Posta un commento