Obeying the order of the Dark Lord the children are showered, changed and ready to join the adults for dinner.
I get back to my room. I have only few minutes to change into a mysterious and hot me. Since I haven’t received my license to perform miracles yet I guess I’ll just have to hope for the best.
I’m taking a shower, washing my hair and singing ‘Happy Together” by the Turtles. *Must not sing the song out loud Bea, remember this afternoon, must not sing it out loud* so my mind is screaming
‘I can't see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue
For all my life
Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together’
And I hear the door to my bedroom open and close. I smile to myself *You knew he would come. Mr. Donald is eager to see me, ME* I can hear my heart beating into my ears. I wrap myself in a white towel, dry my hair as best as I can and I check in the mirror what is the best sexy smile I can come up with. I tiptoe to the bathroom door and I open it very carefully. I casually lean against it, pretending not to know he’s there waiting for me. I hear the bed squeaking, my heart is beating faster, and goose bumps cover my skin. I turn around; ready to smile but I jump “what the hell are the two of you doing here?” I yell.
“Hello Bea”
“Hello Bea”
Emily and Daniel are both sitting on my bed “mommy told us to come here and stay with you all the time”
“That’s what she said, ALLLLL the time. Are we in trouble?”
*the Dark Lord is sneaky* “no you are not” I sigh and open the wardrobe to get the blue dress Julie and Tricia bought me.
“Uncle Howard came in before”
“Really?” I ask in very casual tone but I’m just doing a happy dance inside
“Yep! Five minutes ago, he said he was looking for one of his CDs…”
“Yes, I think I know what he means” *I do, I do, I do … stop picturing yourself down the isle… he hasn’t even kissed you yet… maybe you don’t even like it… yeah right*
“BEA”
“What?” and I jump again
“Can we go downstairs? I’ve asked you three times already”
“No Daniel, just wait for me here. I’ll get dressed and we go together”
I get into the bathroom, put the dress on and fix my hair. I look at myself in the mirror *the Dark Lord 1 – me 20 - whatever*
The children run ahead of me down the stairs and I meet Emma leaving her room and going down for dinner too.
“Hello Bea” and she looks at me “who’s the lucky fellow deserving such a treat tonight?”
“No-one, do you like the dress? I just put on the first thing I found in my bag”
“Of course you did, whoever he is he will be very pleased”
I can’t help but smile at her *I hope so*
We walk down the stairs and we spot Howard and Gary chatting in the corridor.
“Hello guys” Emma greets them. They turn to say hello back but only Gary comes up with words, Howard just looks at me. Emma squeezes my elbow and quickens her pace. Gets to Howard first and takes a tissue off her handbag. She places it over the corner of his mouth and smiles at him “there you go Doug, there’s nothing worst than seeing an adult male drooling”
She turns her back to him facing me, she winks and give me two thumbs up *mental note to self, I love Emma*
I walk down, smiling at him. He takes my hand and places a light kiss on my cheek “I think I found my CD”. His sexy low voice send shivers to my spine but before I can say something Daniel is already pulling my dress “Mom says when she said ALL the time she meant ALL the time”
I can see Howard’s blue eyes going darker. “It’s fine, we’ll have time” I caress his curls and take Daniel to the table.
During dinner Howard takes any chance he has to talk to me or simply look at me. A light flirting made of gentle touches and meaningful glances and my only fear is that everyone around us might know what’s happening, like a cloud reading ‘would be lovers’ is floating above us.
Emily and Daniel are restless through the entire meal though, too much excitement for one day. Once they finish their ice-cream I excuse myself and take them to bed.
It takes them the longest time to fall asleep; I have to read them 4 different bedtime stories. Daniel is gone by the second one but Emily cannot calm down so I climb on the bed with her and sing her an Italian lullaby. She closes her eyes so I carefully try to get up when I feel her little hand grabbing my arm “don’t gooooo” she mumbles. So I take her back into my arms and stroke her blond her until her breathing becomes regular and I know she’s fast asleep. And so am I. After a while I open my eyes and I realize where I am, I check my watch *crap! It’s almost one o’clock!*
I check my dress – still ok – check my hair – still on my head.
I hurry down the stairs, most of the guests are still up, chatting and drinking *Howard where are you?* I need to be careful, invisible, the Dark Lord is probably on duty tonight.
I take a detour and cross the veranda, Emma and Mark are sitting on a sofa laughing and talking “Good to see you! Why don’t you sit here with us Bea?” Mark asks, I don’t even slow down “There’s something I need to do first, I’ll be right back”
“Can’t you find your bracelet Bea?” Emma asks, I look at her and check my wrist, it’s right there. “Last time I saw it was in the music room, third door on your right honey”
I am almost speechless “thanks, thanks ….thanks” are the only words I can come up with
“I’m glad I could help” she smiles
I open the door and I see Howard playing the piano. He is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. He raises his head and smiles at me still playing.
I get closer. My fingers play with his curls while I rest my head over his. He places a hand around my waist, like it’s the most natural thing to do. I’ve never been so happy in my life. I kiss his head, he rubs my back and our eyes lock “Is there anything I can play for you my fair lady?”
I tuck a curl behind his ear “surprise me” I whisper
He smirks and sits straight on the stool “this song has been in my head since I saw you coming down the stairs before, and I fear I might have hummed the tune more than once after dinner. I guess the influence you have over me is stronger than I thought”
I walk around the piano to rest my elbows on it so I can look at him in the eyes and he starts playing. I recognize the song from the first notes “I love it” I tell him.
And he sings
“Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight.
You're so lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.”
I walk back to him, and I sit by him, our bodies touching
“With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fears apart
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
Touches my foolish heart.
Yes you're lovely, never, ever change
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it?
'Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight.”
I rub his arm and I just cannot wait anymore. I gently take his hands off the piano and straddle him. He moans. My mouth is already slightly open when he gets closer. Instead of a kiss, he first lightly licks my lips until my tongue slips out on its own. He sucks that too and then pushes it back into my mouth with his tongue. As our lips touch for the first time, I feel something new; I feel his caring and his need to protect me. I force my arms up through his to hug around his neck and hold his wonderful lips to mine I suck hard and he groans into my mouth forcing some of his breath into my lungs. I shiver and break his kiss. Howard’s eyes lock on mine. They sparkle and dance. They’re filled with lust. I smile and kiss him again. His full lips completely cover mine and I can feel his facial hair tickling my mouth and chin. His warm tongue moves into my mouth and his teeth catch my bottom lip, just gently, and let it go again, his lips never leaving mine. I feel his hand come up to my face and slide behind my head, his fingers entangled in my hair, pulling me closer still and kissing me harder, more urgently. I can feel every cell in his body struggling for control. *let it all go baby, I beg of you* The heat of his lips and tongue drive every thought of hesitation completely from my head; now I know all I want to do every minute of the rest of my life is to be kissed by him.I break our kiss one more time, he groans disappointed. “Let’s go up to your room” I whisper.
He looks into my eyes “there’s nothing more I want in the world, but we need to take it slow”
I look into his eyes “you’re not funny”
“Yes I am” he says with his sexy voice and tries to kiss me again but I place my hand over his mouth. He smiles and caresses my hair “Are we crossed Mary Poppins?” and kisses the tip of my nose “I want you so bad, but there are way too many people still walking around the house. It’s ours and nobody else’s. Tomorrow night love, they’ll all be busy with the party. We are in no rush”
“Speak for yourself” at this point he simply laughs and I laugh back.
“It has been a long day. Should we go get some rest?” he proposes while still rubbing my back
I sigh “I guess” and I start playing with the buttons of his shirt. He takes my hands into his “no teasing lady, I’m not that good”
“I hate you”
“No you don’t” and kisses my jaw
“I should have fallen for Jason; he would be making mind blowing sex with me by now”
“Of course he would”.
I take his hand into mine, playing with his fingers. “l’ll go then”. I stand up, fix my dress and walk to the door. I know he’s looking at me; and I can hear his footsteps behind me, the tension is taking my breath away. I place my hand on the handle when he turns me and pushes me against the wall. “Good night kiss Bea” and his mouth explores my cheeks, my ears, and then my neck again until he kisses me deeply. Lips parting, tongues sliding together. His hands moving from my shoulders to my neck. Tangling in my hair again. I moan when he breaks away from me “You can go now” he teases me.
“I hope you have horrible nightmares and wake up screaming my name Mr. Donald”.
domenica 15 luglio 2007
SPARKS 20
The label rented a huge villa in the middle of a park by the seaside. I take the kids to their room and unpack.
They’re both frantic “let’s go swimming”
“Please”
“Yes, please, please, please”
“I want to be a mermaid”
“I want to be a jaw”
“I want to be alone”
They look at me “I’m kidding. Let’s see, if we hurry up we could be able to swim before dinner time. Would you please grant me 3 minutes to wear a swimsuit?”
Daniel looks at his Swatch “go!”
“I said 3 minutes just to give you …”
“2 minutes and 30 seconds”
“The level of sense of humor in this room is way below standard”
“2 minutes”
“I’ll go! What’s your middle name, Adolf?”
“Who’s Adolf?”
“Be right back”
We walk to the beach; it’s just the three of us at the moment. The sand is almost white, the water is crystal clear and we can see little fishes swimming by the shore.
“First things first, sunscreen lotion”
“I hate that sticky stuff”
“Well no sticky stuff no swimming. What do you say?”
And are both standing right in front of me, keeping their eyes and mouth shut like I am about to spray them with napalm.
“Enough lotion Bea! Let’s go” begs Daniel
“You said you would teach me how to swim”
“I know, but I have a better idea” and I take both my hands and I walk until the water is hips deep, before swimming we need to be able to dance in the water and I start singing
“Look at this stuffIsn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?”
The both start circling around me, Daniel is laughing so hard I fear he might drink the entire Mediterranean sea while Emily is holding on to my neck.“Come on kids, let’s sing together!
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!But who cares?
No big deal…”And I hear Gaz unmistakable voice adding at the top of his lungs “I want more…….”
And jumps into the water reaching us“I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see them dancin'
Walking around on those - what do you call 'em?”
Daniel and Emily go “Oh - feet!”
And we all start laughing so hard my stomach aches. I see Dawn recording with her video camera so we wave at her from the water. My eyes move from her to the person standing on her right. There I see him: The updated and improved version of a Greek good. And he is looking at me. *A retarded version of me by the way. Why am I singing the bloody mermaid song? She needs feet me need a bloody brain*. He waves at me and gives me a smirk. Tells Dawn something I cannot hear and start clapping his hands. “Bravo! Encore! For the record, do you perform at weddings too? You could make a fortune”
*drown, now. It’s an order. Can you see someone blushing from such a distance? Of course you can. Darn. Let’s just get out of here and get over with it* Daniel and Emily keep singing and swimming with their father. I walk by him. He stops me gently placing a hand on my belly. His touch sends a shiver coursing through me that only intensified at the feel of his lips brushing against my ear “you look good in red” he whispers.
I blush even more “liar, nobody does, I was supposed to be mysterious. Fuck”
“And you have a filthy mouth too, I’ll have to do something about it”, he looks around him, too many people and nowhere to go. His hand is on my waist now, his thumb rubbing gently around my bikini.
“Howard…”
“I guess you’re detention will have to be postponed. I need to get into the water now. Is it cold?”
“Yes”
“Good”
Dawn sees us and yells “Bea we need to take the children back to the house, they need to be showered and ready for dinner. We’ll eat all together tonight.”
“She is starting to piss me off, I don’t like the way she talks to you, I’ll have a word with her”
“Please don’t, I’m fine, really, don’t worry about me”
“Too late honey”
“Just promise me you’ll wait”
“Can't promise”
"Please ... I'll see you at dinner"
He squeezes my hip and lets me go with a smile.
They’re both frantic “let’s go swimming”
“Please”
“Yes, please, please, please”
“I want to be a mermaid”
“I want to be a jaw”
“I want to be alone”
They look at me “I’m kidding. Let’s see, if we hurry up we could be able to swim before dinner time. Would you please grant me 3 minutes to wear a swimsuit?”
Daniel looks at his Swatch “go!”
“I said 3 minutes just to give you …”
“2 minutes and 30 seconds”
“The level of sense of humor in this room is way below standard”
“2 minutes”
“I’ll go! What’s your middle name, Adolf?”
“Who’s Adolf?”
“Be right back”
We walk to the beach; it’s just the three of us at the moment. The sand is almost white, the water is crystal clear and we can see little fishes swimming by the shore.
“First things first, sunscreen lotion”
“I hate that sticky stuff”
“Well no sticky stuff no swimming. What do you say?”
And are both standing right in front of me, keeping their eyes and mouth shut like I am about to spray them with napalm.
“Enough lotion Bea! Let’s go” begs Daniel
“You said you would teach me how to swim”
“I know, but I have a better idea” and I take both my hands and I walk until the water is hips deep, before swimming we need to be able to dance in the water and I start singing
“Look at this stuffIsn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?”
The both start circling around me, Daniel is laughing so hard I fear he might drink the entire Mediterranean sea while Emily is holding on to my neck.“Come on kids, let’s sing together!
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!But who cares?
No big deal…”And I hear Gaz unmistakable voice adding at the top of his lungs “I want more…….”
And jumps into the water reaching us“I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see them dancin'
Walking around on those - what do you call 'em?”
Daniel and Emily go “Oh - feet!”
And we all start laughing so hard my stomach aches. I see Dawn recording with her video camera so we wave at her from the water. My eyes move from her to the person standing on her right. There I see him: The updated and improved version of a Greek good. And he is looking at me. *A retarded version of me by the way. Why am I singing the bloody mermaid song? She needs feet me need a bloody brain*. He waves at me and gives me a smirk. Tells Dawn something I cannot hear and start clapping his hands. “Bravo! Encore! For the record, do you perform at weddings too? You could make a fortune”
*drown, now. It’s an order. Can you see someone blushing from such a distance? Of course you can. Darn. Let’s just get out of here and get over with it* Daniel and Emily keep singing and swimming with their father. I walk by him. He stops me gently placing a hand on my belly. His touch sends a shiver coursing through me that only intensified at the feel of his lips brushing against my ear “you look good in red” he whispers.
I blush even more “liar, nobody does, I was supposed to be mysterious. Fuck”
“And you have a filthy mouth too, I’ll have to do something about it”, he looks around him, too many people and nowhere to go. His hand is on my waist now, his thumb rubbing gently around my bikini.
“Howard…”
“I guess you’re detention will have to be postponed. I need to get into the water now. Is it cold?”
“Yes”
“Good”
Dawn sees us and yells “Bea we need to take the children back to the house, they need to be showered and ready for dinner. We’ll eat all together tonight.”
“She is starting to piss me off, I don’t like the way she talks to you, I’ll have a word with her”
“Please don’t, I’m fine, really, don’t worry about me”
“Too late honey”
“Just promise me you’ll wait”
“Can't promise”
"Please ... I'll see you at dinner"
He squeezes my hip and lets me go with a smile.
SPARKS 19
We are ready to board the private plane that will take us to Palermo. I’m holding Emily’s hand while Daniel is walking by his father. Dawn is marching ahead of us talking on her mobile.
“And we will swim?”
“Yes Emily, we will”
“Like the little mermaid?”
“Better than the little mermaid”
“I’m not so good at swimming … will you help me?”
“No, I won’t help you baby, I will teach you and by the end of the week-end you will be a little happy fish”
“Promise?”
“Promise”
I take her into my arms to carry her up the stairs. A nice stewardess welcomes us. I can see Howard, Mark and Emma are already there. Mark is struggling to put a bag on the overhead compartment, so Howard stands up, takes the bag from his hands, and places it above them. “There you go midget. Maybe next time we should ask the label for a Barbie plane. That should be just about your size”
“Doug you are so charming, and so homeless. I would start looking for a good hotel if I were you. You’ll come back to my house the day Gaz gives up doughnuts”
“I was only trying to help. I cannot image what it must feel like being a Lilliputian in a world of giants”
“I cannot imagine what it must be like having a 72 IQ score and not living in a zoo”
Jason has just walked in and asks “Is it described as dullness Markie?”
“You wish mate, I think borderline deficiency is what they call it” Mark answers. Looks at Jason and high-fives him.
“The two of you are a couple of freaks. You just cannot accept the fact this body treasures a mind too…” while he says it he raises his eyes and sees me, standing in the middle of the isle, Emily still in my arms. He smiles at me and takes a few steps toward us “welcome on board ladies!” kisses Emily’s cheek and his hair brush my nose, tickling me. “You can seat right here, 9 and 10, while uncle Markie and me are sitting 11-12”. He takes Emily from my arms and has her sitting by the window. In order for me to get to my seat I have to walk right in front of him. The isle is narrow and our bodies touch. We both close our eyes for a split second. *do not blush*, I hear him breathe deep. Then I turn to Emily to make sure her seat belt is fastened and I give her a coloring book. I take my seat and only the isle is standing between Howard and me. We keep on winking at each other while the rest of the passengers slowly get on board and we are ready to take off.
Mark feels like chatting and turns to Howard. Looks at him and literally freaks out “you have a book? What the heck Doug! You know the rule! No freaking changes in the routine when we fly! It’s bad luck! Mark hates to fly! Enough! DOUG IS READING … A BOOK! And ….” he checks it “has no pictures in it! BAD OMEN! Let’s cancel the trip! It’s a déjà vu, like in the movie, the one about the kid and the dream”
Howard doesn’t stop reading and speaks in a very calm voice “you’re hyperventilating. Would you like me to knock you down? I would be happy to do it for you mate”
“VIOLENCE IS NEVER THE ANSWER! Reading! Shame on you Doug! You really are messed up. It’s worst than I thought!”
“Screw you Markie”
“It’s gonna be a great week-end. I feel it! Doug is reading, I’m gonna wake up tomorrow morning and I’ll be 6’ tall and Jason will cut his meditation crap! We’re in the Twilight Zone peopleeeeeee! Someone help me!”
Howard turns to Gary “can you please take care of him? I feel the sudden urge of smashing his little head against the window”
Gary smiles “Of course I will, my little Markie…” and sits on his laps leaning against him “Gaz .. can’t .. breath … Doug … you can knock… me down now … it will be less painful..”
We all laugh but I’m curious now. I try to get a glimpse of what he’s reading. I can see him snigger and wink at me. I give him a puzzled look and he raises the cover enough for me to read the title.
I rest my head on the chair *Divine Comedy, the Paradise, he’s reading about me*
“Why are you smiling Bea?” Emily asks.
We land in Palermo and from there we have a helicopter that will take us to Salina. It’s almost 40 of us so we will have to take turns. We decide kids and nannies first, so we will have time to get settled and the guys with Dawn and Emma last. I’m walking to the helicopter taking the kids by their hands when I feel two hands wrapping my waist. I almost jump. “Hold on a second” Howard is smiling at me “I just want to know one thing”.
“What is it uncle Howard?” I answer
“Julie is not here right?”
“No she’s not”
“And she is not planning on coming, right?”
“Yes”
Biggest smile ever on his face “you can go now, I know no one can stop me from kissing you later” he whispers and sigh “I wish I could come with you but they decided to start the celebrations for Jason’s birthday”. And he’s just standing there, looking at me when we hear Dawn calling him “Doug! Come here! We’re waiting for you! Now! I mean it”
He smiles at me “Lord Sauron is calling for me; better go before she turns Salina into Mount Doom”.
He squeezes my hand, bows and reaches the guys. I’m looking at him walking away *if there was an award for sexiest butt he would world champion*. But my train of thoughts is interrupted by my mobile.
“Ciao Caro, we just landed”
“I’m back in town. It is so unfair! Stupid honeymoon! I cannot believe I missed the costume session! If I was there you would have taken the sexy nurse one. Believe me!”
I laugh “should I assume Felix is not by you?”
“He’s already out hunting for food! He has a meeting with the Chinese people”
“All of them? He must have a heck of a conference room”
“Ah Ah Ah. You owe me a shag don’t forget it”
“I thought we were well over the bet issue”
“Yeah right. Have you kissed him?”
“No”
“What are you waiting for? Should I come down and hold him so you can do it?”
“I think I’m good thanks”
“Watch out for Dawn”
“How do know it? You were not here, you haven’t even met her. Who are you really?”
“I have a bad feeling”
“It’s under control, don’t worry”
“I do worry, if I was her you would be eating through a straw by now. She’s too quite. How come she hasn’t kicked your bitchy ass yet? She must be thinking about something”
“That is really interesting and let me tell you I’m glad you’re on my side but I have to go now, I’m about to get on a helicopter with the kids”
I hear her laughing hard, “are you in the first group?”
“Yes I am”
“Can I tell your uncle you’re traveling with the servants? Please?”
“There’s nothing wrong or undermining with being a nanny”
“I know that! Let’s tell him! You give me a minute and I’ll organize a conference call. What do you think, should I call the paramedics first?”
“I’d love to chat with you, duty calls”
“Don’t forget to be mysterious”
“Eh?”
“MYSTERIOUS, men love it”
“I’ll see what I can do”
“And we will swim?”
“Yes Emily, we will”
“Like the little mermaid?”
“Better than the little mermaid”
“I’m not so good at swimming … will you help me?”
“No, I won’t help you baby, I will teach you and by the end of the week-end you will be a little happy fish”
“Promise?”
“Promise”
I take her into my arms to carry her up the stairs. A nice stewardess welcomes us. I can see Howard, Mark and Emma are already there. Mark is struggling to put a bag on the overhead compartment, so Howard stands up, takes the bag from his hands, and places it above them. “There you go midget. Maybe next time we should ask the label for a Barbie plane. That should be just about your size”
“Doug you are so charming, and so homeless. I would start looking for a good hotel if I were you. You’ll come back to my house the day Gaz gives up doughnuts”
“I was only trying to help. I cannot image what it must feel like being a Lilliputian in a world of giants”
“I cannot imagine what it must be like having a 72 IQ score and not living in a zoo”
Jason has just walked in and asks “Is it described as dullness Markie?”
“You wish mate, I think borderline deficiency is what they call it” Mark answers. Looks at Jason and high-fives him.
“The two of you are a couple of freaks. You just cannot accept the fact this body treasures a mind too…” while he says it he raises his eyes and sees me, standing in the middle of the isle, Emily still in my arms. He smiles at me and takes a few steps toward us “welcome on board ladies!” kisses Emily’s cheek and his hair brush my nose, tickling me. “You can seat right here, 9 and 10, while uncle Markie and me are sitting 11-12”. He takes Emily from my arms and has her sitting by the window. In order for me to get to my seat I have to walk right in front of him. The isle is narrow and our bodies touch. We both close our eyes for a split second. *do not blush*, I hear him breathe deep. Then I turn to Emily to make sure her seat belt is fastened and I give her a coloring book. I take my seat and only the isle is standing between Howard and me. We keep on winking at each other while the rest of the passengers slowly get on board and we are ready to take off.
Mark feels like chatting and turns to Howard. Looks at him and literally freaks out “you have a book? What the heck Doug! You know the rule! No freaking changes in the routine when we fly! It’s bad luck! Mark hates to fly! Enough! DOUG IS READING … A BOOK! And ….” he checks it “has no pictures in it! BAD OMEN! Let’s cancel the trip! It’s a déjà vu, like in the movie, the one about the kid and the dream”
Howard doesn’t stop reading and speaks in a very calm voice “you’re hyperventilating. Would you like me to knock you down? I would be happy to do it for you mate”
“VIOLENCE IS NEVER THE ANSWER! Reading! Shame on you Doug! You really are messed up. It’s worst than I thought!”
“Screw you Markie”
“It’s gonna be a great week-end. I feel it! Doug is reading, I’m gonna wake up tomorrow morning and I’ll be 6’ tall and Jason will cut his meditation crap! We’re in the Twilight Zone peopleeeeeee! Someone help me!”
Howard turns to Gary “can you please take care of him? I feel the sudden urge of smashing his little head against the window”
Gary smiles “Of course I will, my little Markie…” and sits on his laps leaning against him “Gaz .. can’t .. breath … Doug … you can knock… me down now … it will be less painful..”
We all laugh but I’m curious now. I try to get a glimpse of what he’s reading. I can see him snigger and wink at me. I give him a puzzled look and he raises the cover enough for me to read the title.
I rest my head on the chair *Divine Comedy, the Paradise, he’s reading about me*
“Why are you smiling Bea?” Emily asks.
We land in Palermo and from there we have a helicopter that will take us to Salina. It’s almost 40 of us so we will have to take turns. We decide kids and nannies first, so we will have time to get settled and the guys with Dawn and Emma last. I’m walking to the helicopter taking the kids by their hands when I feel two hands wrapping my waist. I almost jump. “Hold on a second” Howard is smiling at me “I just want to know one thing”.
“What is it uncle Howard?” I answer
“Julie is not here right?”
“No she’s not”
“And she is not planning on coming, right?”
“Yes”
Biggest smile ever on his face “you can go now, I know no one can stop me from kissing you later” he whispers and sigh “I wish I could come with you but they decided to start the celebrations for Jason’s birthday”. And he’s just standing there, looking at me when we hear Dawn calling him “Doug! Come here! We’re waiting for you! Now! I mean it”
He smiles at me “Lord Sauron is calling for me; better go before she turns Salina into Mount Doom”.
He squeezes my hand, bows and reaches the guys. I’m looking at him walking away *if there was an award for sexiest butt he would world champion*. But my train of thoughts is interrupted by my mobile.
“Ciao Caro, we just landed”
“I’m back in town. It is so unfair! Stupid honeymoon! I cannot believe I missed the costume session! If I was there you would have taken the sexy nurse one. Believe me!”
I laugh “should I assume Felix is not by you?”
“He’s already out hunting for food! He has a meeting with the Chinese people”
“All of them? He must have a heck of a conference room”
“Ah Ah Ah. You owe me a shag don’t forget it”
“I thought we were well over the bet issue”
“Yeah right. Have you kissed him?”
“No”
“What are you waiting for? Should I come down and hold him so you can do it?”
“I think I’m good thanks”
“Watch out for Dawn”
“How do know it? You were not here, you haven’t even met her. Who are you really?”
“I have a bad feeling”
“It’s under control, don’t worry”
“I do worry, if I was her you would be eating through a straw by now. She’s too quite. How come she hasn’t kicked your bitchy ass yet? She must be thinking about something”
“That is really interesting and let me tell you I’m glad you’re on my side but I have to go now, I’m about to get on a helicopter with the kids”
I hear her laughing hard, “are you in the first group?”
“Yes I am”
“Can I tell your uncle you’re traveling with the servants? Please?”
“There’s nothing wrong or undermining with being a nanny”
“I know that! Let’s tell him! You give me a minute and I’ll organize a conference call. What do you think, should I call the paramedics first?”
“I’d love to chat with you, duty calls”
“Don’t forget to be mysterious”
“Eh?”
“MYSTERIOUS, men love it”
“I’ll see what I can do”
SPARKS 18
“No need to come to the studio. See you at home. Dawn”
*Damn it. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand this is not good*
We get back around 6 and I see Howard sitting by the porch. His bag by his feet. The kids run toward him “uncle Howard!” Emily jumps on his lap “we had so much fun! But Zach is gross. He found a warm and wanted me to eat it. I started screaming and Bea came and saved me. I don’t like him. Maybe to make sure he doesn’t do it again you should come too. He’s scared of giants. Are you coming with us tomorrow? Please?”
He caresses her hair but looks at me “I can’t honey. I’m going to stay with uncle Mark for a few days. But I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon I guess”
*Supermagiccrap*
“Daniel take your sister inside please, I need to have a word with Howard”. They disappear behind the door. I’m standing by him now, he hasn’t moved. It is sort of funny the way I’m towering over him. He brushes his palm against mine, electricity passes between his body and mine. “She threw me out. She warned me but I couldn’t help it” and smiles faintly.
I look into his eyes and sigh “it’s not your fault. I guess we’re all going to the mattresses”
?
“It’s the Godfather honey”
“You called me honey”
“I better go inside, don’t want to piss her off more than she is already”
“If you need help I’ll come and get you”
“I’ll be fine”
“Will I see you tomorrow?”
“I doubt it. But we’ll be in Salina in 36 hours”
“I’ll miss you”
I kiss his cheek “this is such a mess” and step inside following the kids.
Dawn is waiting for me in the corridor. We exchange a very weak smile. I look at her; she nods and follows me to my room. I sit on the bed, she takes the chair.
“I have nothing against you”
“I know, and I’m sorry, for everything. This is going to become a real mess. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen’
“You can still avoid it”
“No I can’t”
“He has a family”
“I want one”
“You know what it means right?”
“Yes I do”
“You’re coming along just because I don’t want to fight with my husband. We could have been friends”
“Yes we could have”
She stands up and walks to the door “I’ll come up with a good explanation for the kids”
“Thanks”
The next day I leave Daniel at football practice and take Emily along to find a costume for the masquerade. Julie and Tricia are already there, waiting for us. I find her a little mermaid dress to try on and she starts singing ‘Under the Sea’ and dancing around the room. I smile looking at her “isn’t she precious?”
“Whatever” Julie answers me. “Oh Oh, I think I found what we’re looking for” and she shows me a sexy nurse outfit.
“How did you know? That’s a dream coming true, but unfortunately it has to be the character of a movie” and I laugh
“Are you telling me you’ve never heard of the blockbuster ‘Nurse Betty and the naughty patient’?”
“Shush! There’s a child in here!”
“She’s too busy with her Disney fantasy to pay attention to us”
Tricia comes from behind a pile of clothing “What about Mary Poppins? He would know you thought of him”
“SupercalifragilisticexpialidociousNO”
Julie sits on a chair “we need to think. Brainstorming time ladies. We need something that says I want you, but you want me more. I’m hot but innocent…wild but modest…. dark but funny”
“Someone with multiple personalities?”
“Shush! I’m trying to think”
“Bea what would you like to wear?”
“I don’t know, I hate these things. Everything’s fine as long as it doesn’t come from Eastern Europe”
“I got it! Chewbacca! You wouldn’t have to worry about shaving ever again! Brilliant!”
I hit my head against the wall while they’re in a roll
“Angel”
“No, wrong message”
“Vampire”
“Oh nooooo…she would not leave up to the expectations” and winks.
I look at them with my hands on my hips “For you information I can …”
“What? You can what? Please spell it out for us”
I throw my arms up in the air “I hate you, both of you!”
They laugh at me when Emily gets closer and says “Tinkerbelle”
Julie looks at her like she’s witnessing a miracle “What did you just say?”
“Tinkerbelle” and she smiles.
She takes her into her arms and starts spinning; Emily laughs “You are a genius Mrs. Barlow. It’s perfect!”
“Yes it is” Tricia adds “let’s face it, she is vindictive – and we all know what you did to Paolo, the way you shared his bedtime activities with every single citizen of Florence – she is desperately in love with Peter” coughs “Howard. But she tries to hide her romantic feelings for him.”
“I’ve heard nothing romantic related coming from her filthy mouth lately” Julie says.
“Shush! But he’s too busy with his Lost Boys and let’s not forget about stupid Wendy. Lack of attention that pushes our poor fairy on the verge of a nervous breakdown.” And she just points at me, the way stewardess show passengers the emergency exits before take off “And last but not least, she can hold only one feeling at a time. That is you my friend”
“I don’t think it is such a great idea” I try to say in a very low voice but I guess a decision has already been made.
“What are the odds he’ll show up as Peter Pan?”
“Tight green pants…”
“The two of you can stop right there, no way he can be Peter Pan. He said he’s going for something big” I look at Tricia, I know the wicked light in her eyes, I see Emily who’s paying attention to every word we say and I almost yell “don’t even think about saying it missy!”
“Yes ma’m!’ and laughs “Since we won’t see you before you leave we bought you a little farewell present” and she hands me a bag.
“For me? Me love surprises!” I open it and I see the most beautiful light blue dress I’ve ever seen.
I’m stunned “isn’t it the one I wanted to buy …”
“Yes it is. We told you. We are going to the mattresses!”
“Thank you girls!”
“And it’s not over, there’s something else, keep looking”
I do and I take a piece of white lycra out “a fabric sample?” I ask them.
“What do we have to do with you? What! It’s a bikini”
“For Barbie?”
“It’s for you”
“I cannot wear it”
“Yes, you can and you will and you will be grateful!”
“Freaks”
*Damn it. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand this is not good*
We get back around 6 and I see Howard sitting by the porch. His bag by his feet. The kids run toward him “uncle Howard!” Emily jumps on his lap “we had so much fun! But Zach is gross. He found a warm and wanted me to eat it. I started screaming and Bea came and saved me. I don’t like him. Maybe to make sure he doesn’t do it again you should come too. He’s scared of giants. Are you coming with us tomorrow? Please?”
He caresses her hair but looks at me “I can’t honey. I’m going to stay with uncle Mark for a few days. But I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon I guess”
*Supermagiccrap*
“Daniel take your sister inside please, I need to have a word with Howard”. They disappear behind the door. I’m standing by him now, he hasn’t moved. It is sort of funny the way I’m towering over him. He brushes his palm against mine, electricity passes between his body and mine. “She threw me out. She warned me but I couldn’t help it” and smiles faintly.
I look into his eyes and sigh “it’s not your fault. I guess we’re all going to the mattresses”
?
“It’s the Godfather honey”
“You called me honey”
“I better go inside, don’t want to piss her off more than she is already”
“If you need help I’ll come and get you”
“I’ll be fine”
“Will I see you tomorrow?”
“I doubt it. But we’ll be in Salina in 36 hours”
“I’ll miss you”
I kiss his cheek “this is such a mess” and step inside following the kids.
Dawn is waiting for me in the corridor. We exchange a very weak smile. I look at her; she nods and follows me to my room. I sit on the bed, she takes the chair.
“I have nothing against you”
“I know, and I’m sorry, for everything. This is going to become a real mess. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen’
“You can still avoid it”
“No I can’t”
“He has a family”
“I want one”
“You know what it means right?”
“Yes I do”
“You’re coming along just because I don’t want to fight with my husband. We could have been friends”
“Yes we could have”
She stands up and walks to the door “I’ll come up with a good explanation for the kids”
“Thanks”
The next day I leave Daniel at football practice and take Emily along to find a costume for the masquerade. Julie and Tricia are already there, waiting for us. I find her a little mermaid dress to try on and she starts singing ‘Under the Sea’ and dancing around the room. I smile looking at her “isn’t she precious?”
“Whatever” Julie answers me. “Oh Oh, I think I found what we’re looking for” and she shows me a sexy nurse outfit.
“How did you know? That’s a dream coming true, but unfortunately it has to be the character of a movie” and I laugh
“Are you telling me you’ve never heard of the blockbuster ‘Nurse Betty and the naughty patient’?”
“Shush! There’s a child in here!”
“She’s too busy with her Disney fantasy to pay attention to us”
Tricia comes from behind a pile of clothing “What about Mary Poppins? He would know you thought of him”
“SupercalifragilisticexpialidociousNO”
Julie sits on a chair “we need to think. Brainstorming time ladies. We need something that says I want you, but you want me more. I’m hot but innocent…wild but modest…. dark but funny”
“Someone with multiple personalities?”
“Shush! I’m trying to think”
“Bea what would you like to wear?”
“I don’t know, I hate these things. Everything’s fine as long as it doesn’t come from Eastern Europe”
“I got it! Chewbacca! You wouldn’t have to worry about shaving ever again! Brilliant!”
I hit my head against the wall while they’re in a roll
“Angel”
“No, wrong message”
“Vampire”
“Oh nooooo…she would not leave up to the expectations” and winks.
I look at them with my hands on my hips “For you information I can …”
“What? You can what? Please spell it out for us”
I throw my arms up in the air “I hate you, both of you!”
They laugh at me when Emily gets closer and says “Tinkerbelle”
Julie looks at her like she’s witnessing a miracle “What did you just say?”
“Tinkerbelle” and she smiles.
She takes her into her arms and starts spinning; Emily laughs “You are a genius Mrs. Barlow. It’s perfect!”
“Yes it is” Tricia adds “let’s face it, she is vindictive – and we all know what you did to Paolo, the way you shared his bedtime activities with every single citizen of Florence – she is desperately in love with Peter” coughs “Howard. But she tries to hide her romantic feelings for him.”
“I’ve heard nothing romantic related coming from her filthy mouth lately” Julie says.
“Shush! But he’s too busy with his Lost Boys and let’s not forget about stupid Wendy. Lack of attention that pushes our poor fairy on the verge of a nervous breakdown.” And she just points at me, the way stewardess show passengers the emergency exits before take off “And last but not least, she can hold only one feeling at a time. That is you my friend”
“I don’t think it is such a great idea” I try to say in a very low voice but I guess a decision has already been made.
“What are the odds he’ll show up as Peter Pan?”
“Tight green pants…”
“The two of you can stop right there, no way he can be Peter Pan. He said he’s going for something big” I look at Tricia, I know the wicked light in her eyes, I see Emily who’s paying attention to every word we say and I almost yell “don’t even think about saying it missy!”
“Yes ma’m!’ and laughs “Since we won’t see you before you leave we bought you a little farewell present” and she hands me a bag.
“For me? Me love surprises!” I open it and I see the most beautiful light blue dress I’ve ever seen.
I’m stunned “isn’t it the one I wanted to buy …”
“Yes it is. We told you. We are going to the mattresses!”
“Thank you girls!”
“And it’s not over, there’s something else, keep looking”
I do and I take a piece of white lycra out “a fabric sample?” I ask them.
“What do we have to do with you? What! It’s a bikini”
“For Barbie?”
“It’s for you”
“I cannot wear it”
“Yes, you can and you will and you will be grateful!”
“Freaks”
SPARKS 18
“No need to come to the studio. See you at home. Dawn”
*Damn it. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand this is not good*
We get back around 6 and I see Howard sitting by the porch. His bag by his feet. The kids run toward him “uncle Howard!” Emily jumps on his lap “we had so much fun! But Zach is gross. He found a warm and wanted me to eat it. I started screaming and Bea came and saved me. I don’t like him. Maybe to make sure he doesn’t do it again you should come too. He’s scared of giants. Are you coming with us tomorrow? Please?”
He caresses her hair but looks at me “I can’t honey. I’m going to stay with uncle Mark for a few days. But I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon I guess”
*Supermagiccrap*
“Daniel take your sister inside please, I need to have a word with Howard”. They disappear behind the door. I’m standing by him now, he hasn’t moved. It is sort of funny the way I’m towering over him. He brushes his palm against mine, electricity passes between his body and mine. “She threw me out. She warned me but I couldn’t help it” and smiles faintly.
I look into his eyes and sigh “it’s not your fault. I guess we’re all going to the mattresses”
?
“It’s the Godfather honey”
“You called me honey”
“I better go inside, don’t want to piss her off more than she is already”
“If you need help I’ll come and get you”
“I’ll be fine”
“Will I see you tomorrow?”
“I doubt it. But we’ll be in Salina in 36 hours”
“I’ll miss you”
I kiss his cheek “this is such a mess” and step inside following the kids.
Dawn is waiting for me in the corridor. We exchange a very weak smile. I look at her; she nods and follows me to my room. I sit on the bed, she takes the chair.
“I have nothing against you”
“I know, and I’m sorry, for everything. This is going to become a real mess. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen’
“You can still avoid it”
“No I can’t”
“He has a family”
“I want one”
“You know what it means right?”
“Yes I do”
“You’re coming along just because I don’t want to fight with my husband. We could have been friends”
“Yes we could have”
She stands up and walks to the door “I’ll come up with a good explanation for the kids”
“Thanks”
The next day I leave Daniel at football practice and take Emily along to find a costume for the masquerade. Julie and Tricia are already there, waiting for us. I find her a little mermaid dress to try on and she starts singing ‘Under the Sea’ and dancing around the room. I smile looking at her “isn’t she precious?”
“Whatever” Julie answers me. “Oh Oh, I think I found what we’re looking for” and she shows me a sexy nurse outfit.
“How did you know? That’s a dream coming true, but unfortunately it has to be the character of a movie” and I laugh
“Are you telling me you’ve never heard of the blockbuster ‘Nurse Betty and the naughty patient’?”
“Shush! There’s a child in here!”
“She’s too busy with her Disney fantasy to pay attention to us”
Tricia comes from behind a pile of clothing “What about Mary Poppins? He would know you thought of him”
“SupercalifragilisticexpialidociousNO”
Julie sits on a chair “we need to think. Brainstorming time ladies. We need something that says I want you, but you want me more. I’m hot but innocent…wild but modest…. dark but funny”
“Someone with multiple personalities?”
“Shush! I’m trying to think”
“Bea what would you like to wear?”
“I don’t know, I hate these things. Everything’s fine as long as it doesn’t come from Eastern Europe”
“I got it! Chewbacca! You wouldn’t have to worry about shaving ever again! Brilliant!”
I hit my head against the wall while they’re in a roll
“Angel”
“No, wrong message”
“Vampire”
“Oh nooooo…she would not leave up to the expectations” and winks.
I look at them with my hands on my hips “For you information I can …”
“What? You can what? Please spell it out for us”
I throw my arms up in the air “I hate you, both of you!”
They laugh at me when Emily gets closer and says “Tinkerbelle”
Julie looks at her like she’s witnessing a miracle “What did you just say?”
“Tinkerbelle” and she smiles.
She takes her into her arms and starts spinning; Emily laughs “You are a genius Mrs. Barlow. It’s perfect!”
“Yes it is” Tricia adds “let’s face it, she is vindictive – and we all know what you did to Paolo, the way you shared his bedtime activities with every single citizen of Florence – she is desperately in love with Peter” coughs “Howard. But she tries to hide her romantic feelings for him.”
“I’ve heard nothing romantic related coming from her filthy mouth lately” Julie says.
“Shush! But he’s too busy with his Lost Boys and let’s not forget about stupid Wendy. Lack of attention that pushes our poor fairy on the verge of a nervous breakdown.” And she just points at me, the way stewardess show passengers the emergency exits before take off “And last but not least, she can hold only one feeling at a time. That is you my friend”
“I don’t think it is such a great idea” I try to say in a very low voice but I guess a decision has already been made.
“What are the odds he’ll show up as Peter Pan?”
“Tight green pants…”
“The two of you can stop right there, no way he can be Peter Pan. He said he’s going for something big” I look at Tricia, I know the wicked light in her eyes, I see Emily who’s paying attention to every word we say and I almost yell “don’t even think about saying it missy!”
“Yes ma’m!’ and laughs “Since we won’t see you before you leave we bought you a little farewell present” and she hands me a bag.
“For me? Me love surprises!” I open it and I see the most beautiful light blue dress I’ve ever seen.
I’m stunned “isn’t it the one I wanted to buy …”
“Yes it is. We told you. We are going to the mattresses!”
“Thank you girls!”
“And it’s not over, there’s something else, keep looking”
I do and I take a piece of white lycra out “a fabric sample?” I ask them.
“What do we have to do with you? What! It’s a bikini”
“For Barbie?”
“It’s for you”
“I cannot wear it”
“Yes, you can and you will and you will be grateful!”
“Freaks”
*Damn it. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand this is not good*
We get back around 6 and I see Howard sitting by the porch. His bag by his feet. The kids run toward him “uncle Howard!” Emily jumps on his lap “we had so much fun! But Zach is gross. He found a warm and wanted me to eat it. I started screaming and Bea came and saved me. I don’t like him. Maybe to make sure he doesn’t do it again you should come too. He’s scared of giants. Are you coming with us tomorrow? Please?”
He caresses her hair but looks at me “I can’t honey. I’m going to stay with uncle Mark for a few days. But I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon I guess”
*Supermagiccrap*
“Daniel take your sister inside please, I need to have a word with Howard”. They disappear behind the door. I’m standing by him now, he hasn’t moved. It is sort of funny the way I’m towering over him. He brushes his palm against mine, electricity passes between his body and mine. “She threw me out. She warned me but I couldn’t help it” and smiles faintly.
I look into his eyes and sigh “it’s not your fault. I guess we’re all going to the mattresses”
?
“It’s the Godfather honey”
“You called me honey”
“I better go inside, don’t want to piss her off more than she is already”
“If you need help I’ll come and get you”
“I’ll be fine”
“Will I see you tomorrow?”
“I doubt it. But we’ll be in Salina in 36 hours”
“I’ll miss you”
I kiss his cheek “this is such a mess” and step inside following the kids.
Dawn is waiting for me in the corridor. We exchange a very weak smile. I look at her; she nods and follows me to my room. I sit on the bed, she takes the chair.
“I have nothing against you”
“I know, and I’m sorry, for everything. This is going to become a real mess. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen’
“You can still avoid it”
“No I can’t”
“He has a family”
“I want one”
“You know what it means right?”
“Yes I do”
“You’re coming along just because I don’t want to fight with my husband. We could have been friends”
“Yes we could have”
She stands up and walks to the door “I’ll come up with a good explanation for the kids”
“Thanks”
The next day I leave Daniel at football practice and take Emily along to find a costume for the masquerade. Julie and Tricia are already there, waiting for us. I find her a little mermaid dress to try on and she starts singing ‘Under the Sea’ and dancing around the room. I smile looking at her “isn’t she precious?”
“Whatever” Julie answers me. “Oh Oh, I think I found what we’re looking for” and she shows me a sexy nurse outfit.
“How did you know? That’s a dream coming true, but unfortunately it has to be the character of a movie” and I laugh
“Are you telling me you’ve never heard of the blockbuster ‘Nurse Betty and the naughty patient’?”
“Shush! There’s a child in here!”
“She’s too busy with her Disney fantasy to pay attention to us”
Tricia comes from behind a pile of clothing “What about Mary Poppins? He would know you thought of him”
“SupercalifragilisticexpialidociousNO”
Julie sits on a chair “we need to think. Brainstorming time ladies. We need something that says I want you, but you want me more. I’m hot but innocent…wild but modest…. dark but funny”
“Someone with multiple personalities?”
“Shush! I’m trying to think”
“Bea what would you like to wear?”
“I don’t know, I hate these things. Everything’s fine as long as it doesn’t come from Eastern Europe”
“I got it! Chewbacca! You wouldn’t have to worry about shaving ever again! Brilliant!”
I hit my head against the wall while they’re in a roll
“Angel”
“No, wrong message”
“Vampire”
“Oh nooooo…she would not leave up to the expectations” and winks.
I look at them with my hands on my hips “For you information I can …”
“What? You can what? Please spell it out for us”
I throw my arms up in the air “I hate you, both of you!”
They laugh at me when Emily gets closer and says “Tinkerbelle”
Julie looks at her like she’s witnessing a miracle “What did you just say?”
“Tinkerbelle” and she smiles.
She takes her into her arms and starts spinning; Emily laughs “You are a genius Mrs. Barlow. It’s perfect!”
“Yes it is” Tricia adds “let’s face it, she is vindictive – and we all know what you did to Paolo, the way you shared his bedtime activities with every single citizen of Florence – she is desperately in love with Peter” coughs “Howard. But she tries to hide her romantic feelings for him.”
“I’ve heard nothing romantic related coming from her filthy mouth lately” Julie says.
“Shush! But he’s too busy with his Lost Boys and let’s not forget about stupid Wendy. Lack of attention that pushes our poor fairy on the verge of a nervous breakdown.” And she just points at me, the way stewardess show passengers the emergency exits before take off “And last but not least, she can hold only one feeling at a time. That is you my friend”
“I don’t think it is such a great idea” I try to say in a very low voice but I guess a decision has already been made.
“What are the odds he’ll show up as Peter Pan?”
“Tight green pants…”
“The two of you can stop right there, no way he can be Peter Pan. He said he’s going for something big” I look at Tricia, I know the wicked light in her eyes, I see Emily who’s paying attention to every word we say and I almost yell “don’t even think about saying it missy!”
“Yes ma’m!’ and laughs “Since we won’t see you before you leave we bought you a little farewell present” and she hands me a bag.
“For me? Me love surprises!” I open it and I see the most beautiful light blue dress I’ve ever seen.
I’m stunned “isn’t it the one I wanted to buy …”
“Yes it is. We told you. We are going to the mattresses!”
“Thank you girls!”
“And it’s not over, there’s something else, keep looking”
I do and I take a piece of white lycra out “a fabric sample?” I ask them.
“What do we have to do with you? What! It’s a bikini”
“For Barbie?”
“It’s for you”
“I cannot wear it”
“Yes, you can and you will and you will be grateful!”
“Freaks”
SPARKS 17
I’m sitting on a bench, watching the kids playing and reading “The God Delusion” *why can’t I read Heat magazine? Wonder if they have spotted Jay this week* when Tricia appears at the end of the walking path pushing the pram. The twins are already waving at me.
“Hello stranger”
“You’re late”
“But I’m bringing coffee” and she hands me a Starbucks cup.
“You’re forgiven then. Hello guys! Should I set you free to walk around?” I tell the two little rascals.
“If you unleash Pestilence and War, you are the one following them around before they turn this place upside-down”
“What did you do to mommy to be renamed after the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Or maybe mommy is trying to tell me she’s about to have two more of you …”
“No thanks. I’m waiting for you to complete the band of forces leading to man's destruction”
“It is true; a mother is the sweetest of women!”
“Hilarious. So?”
“So what?”
She looks at me like her all life depends on what I’m going to tell her. I breathe deep. “I don’t know who I am anymore. I went to bed last night and I was Prude Spice. I woke up this morning and I’m bloody Paris Hilton”
“Did you serve time?”
“Nope”
“You’re not blonde …. I get it! …. You’re retarded”
“Funny but nope”
“The video! Is it online already?”
“Stop it! I can’t breathe. I’m in the middle of a psychotic breakdown and you are not helping. I have no control over myself when he’s around. And he moved in with us. I have this feeling ….. hard to explain”
“I can say it’s a typical case of ‘being in love’ hun, welcome to the club”
“Not in a few days. That’s so not me”
“Have you ever heard of love at first sight, or better, it only takes a minute girl” she sings
I look at her “did you get the same package I got?”
“Yep, Ultimate Collection, DVDs + CDs… it seems like Julie and Caro are 17 again”
“Should we worry about them?”
“They’ll be fine”
“I don’t know myself anymore”
“And who are you?”
“Good point”
“You have been so busy pleasing your father and your uncle, trying so hard to be what they wanted you to be I fear you got lost along the way”
“Are you saying I live under the same roof with the sexiest compass ever?”
“Cheers!” and our cups touch
“Dawn knows and she’s not happy. She’s going to be trouble. She’s a friend of her”
“My dear Ringo, I wouldn’t worry about Mrs. Barlow if I were you. John, Paul and George are on your side and we’re determined to destroy the axis of evil”
“You’re spending way too much time with the twins”
“Tell me about it”
Jason looks at Gary, I guess desperation is what best describes his feelings at present.
“Let’s see if I can make it as simple as possible Gaz. It’s 1-2-3 and spin, lift your arm, turn your face and stop!”
Gary tries again but he bursts into a fit of laughter watching Mark making mock of Jason.
“I call for a time-out! Time-out! Time-out!” Howard yells “we need a break and maybe if we let Gary eat something he’ll be able to find enough inner strength to perform a dance routine a mental ape would learn in 7 minutes, break included”
“I hate you! The three of you are just mean! What I need is here” and points at his head “in my mind”
“And in your stomach” Jason adds.
Dawn walks to them and talk to her husband “problem solved. The agency said they can send us a temp for the week-end to take care of the children”, she looks at Howard and smiles satisfied.
“What are you talking about?” he asks
“Talking to my husband really. None of your business as you pointed out last night. Bea asked for free week-ends and she is getting them” she tells him with a defiant tone. Then she turns to Gary, her tone is sweet again “I need to go and try some new costumes on. See you later love”
Howard takes Gary’s arm and walks him to a corner “talk to her”
“About what?” and bites into a doughnut.
“The trip, Bea has to come”
“Don’t worry about us, you heard her, we found a replacement”
“Mate, I love you but sometimes I just wish I could open up your head and see how much free space you have inside. Listen to me carefully. If Bea doesn’t go, I’m not going and I don’t think we want to give the Label too many explanations don’t you think?”
He opens his eyes wide “Bea is the one you were talking about last night? Mate you’re screwed”
“Not if you help me”
“What about …?”
“We had a major fight yesterday. That’s why I came back. I knew Dawn would be all over me so I asked Samantha to cover for me”
“She accepted? That’s so not like her”
“I talked to her. She knows me … Gaz I need you to help me here”
“How are you going to manage the situation? Salina is as big a sand box, two women at the same time … even you are not that good”
“She’s not coming. One of her friends is getting married”
“Doug this is wrong”
“You need to be with me on this, please”
“You hardly ever look at Bea. Is it some kind of a bet? Because if it is I don’t want anything to do with it”
Howard puts his hand over his shoulders “she bites into her inner cheek when she watches TV, and she rubs her earlobe with her index finger and thumb when she tries to concentrate. Before starting to play with your kids she always pulls her hair back in the shortest pony-tail ever and hums silly songs in the middle of conversation. Her eyes are brown, with little green sparkles here and there. She has a little sexy mole on her left wrists, but I guess you’re right, I don’t even look at her”
Gary pats his shoulder “Does she know?”
“We haven’t really talked about it but I guess she has an idea”
“No problem mate, she’s coming to Salina. I’ll deal with Dawn”
“Thanks”
“Lazy gang!” Jason calls them “time to get back to work. And I also have these business cards for you with the directions to get to the place where you can rent your costumes for my party. I figured out it would be easier to all go to the same place so to avoid having two Red Riding Hoods dancing around”
“I’m in for the part of big bad wolf” Howard interrupts him raising his hand.
Everyone laughs.
Jason rolls his eyes while Mark takes the card “and they say you are a control freak. People just don’t know you, do they?”
“Yes Jay” Gaz says “let’s do something wild, what about two spoons of brown sugar in our herbal tea instead of one? Let’s see what wild scenarios could open up in front of us”
Jason breathes deep “inner strength, I’m calm and relaxed; your sarcasm is not touching me”
“But we can” and Mark jumps on his back.
“Hello stranger”
“You’re late”
“But I’m bringing coffee” and she hands me a Starbucks cup.
“You’re forgiven then. Hello guys! Should I set you free to walk around?” I tell the two little rascals.
“If you unleash Pestilence and War, you are the one following them around before they turn this place upside-down”
“What did you do to mommy to be renamed after the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Or maybe mommy is trying to tell me she’s about to have two more of you …”
“No thanks. I’m waiting for you to complete the band of forces leading to man's destruction”
“It is true; a mother is the sweetest of women!”
“Hilarious. So?”
“So what?”
She looks at me like her all life depends on what I’m going to tell her. I breathe deep. “I don’t know who I am anymore. I went to bed last night and I was Prude Spice. I woke up this morning and I’m bloody Paris Hilton”
“Did you serve time?”
“Nope”
“You’re not blonde …. I get it! …. You’re retarded”
“Funny but nope”
“The video! Is it online already?”
“Stop it! I can’t breathe. I’m in the middle of a psychotic breakdown and you are not helping. I have no control over myself when he’s around. And he moved in with us. I have this feeling ….. hard to explain”
“I can say it’s a typical case of ‘being in love’ hun, welcome to the club”
“Not in a few days. That’s so not me”
“Have you ever heard of love at first sight, or better, it only takes a minute girl” she sings
I look at her “did you get the same package I got?”
“Yep, Ultimate Collection, DVDs + CDs… it seems like Julie and Caro are 17 again”
“Should we worry about them?”
“They’ll be fine”
“I don’t know myself anymore”
“And who are you?”
“Good point”
“You have been so busy pleasing your father and your uncle, trying so hard to be what they wanted you to be I fear you got lost along the way”
“Are you saying I live under the same roof with the sexiest compass ever?”
“Cheers!” and our cups touch
“Dawn knows and she’s not happy. She’s going to be trouble. She’s a friend of her”
“My dear Ringo, I wouldn’t worry about Mrs. Barlow if I were you. John, Paul and George are on your side and we’re determined to destroy the axis of evil”
“You’re spending way too much time with the twins”
“Tell me about it”
Jason looks at Gary, I guess desperation is what best describes his feelings at present.
“Let’s see if I can make it as simple as possible Gaz. It’s 1-2-3 and spin, lift your arm, turn your face and stop!”
Gary tries again but he bursts into a fit of laughter watching Mark making mock of Jason.
“I call for a time-out! Time-out! Time-out!” Howard yells “we need a break and maybe if we let Gary eat something he’ll be able to find enough inner strength to perform a dance routine a mental ape would learn in 7 minutes, break included”
“I hate you! The three of you are just mean! What I need is here” and points at his head “in my mind”
“And in your stomach” Jason adds.
Dawn walks to them and talk to her husband “problem solved. The agency said they can send us a temp for the week-end to take care of the children”, she looks at Howard and smiles satisfied.
“What are you talking about?” he asks
“Talking to my husband really. None of your business as you pointed out last night. Bea asked for free week-ends and she is getting them” she tells him with a defiant tone. Then she turns to Gary, her tone is sweet again “I need to go and try some new costumes on. See you later love”
Howard takes Gary’s arm and walks him to a corner “talk to her”
“About what?” and bites into a doughnut.
“The trip, Bea has to come”
“Don’t worry about us, you heard her, we found a replacement”
“Mate, I love you but sometimes I just wish I could open up your head and see how much free space you have inside. Listen to me carefully. If Bea doesn’t go, I’m not going and I don’t think we want to give the Label too many explanations don’t you think?”
He opens his eyes wide “Bea is the one you were talking about last night? Mate you’re screwed”
“Not if you help me”
“What about …?”
“We had a major fight yesterday. That’s why I came back. I knew Dawn would be all over me so I asked Samantha to cover for me”
“She accepted? That’s so not like her”
“I talked to her. She knows me … Gaz I need you to help me here”
“How are you going to manage the situation? Salina is as big a sand box, two women at the same time … even you are not that good”
“She’s not coming. One of her friends is getting married”
“Doug this is wrong”
“You need to be with me on this, please”
“You hardly ever look at Bea. Is it some kind of a bet? Because if it is I don’t want anything to do with it”
Howard puts his hand over his shoulders “she bites into her inner cheek when she watches TV, and she rubs her earlobe with her index finger and thumb when she tries to concentrate. Before starting to play with your kids she always pulls her hair back in the shortest pony-tail ever and hums silly songs in the middle of conversation. Her eyes are brown, with little green sparkles here and there. She has a little sexy mole on her left wrists, but I guess you’re right, I don’t even look at her”
Gary pats his shoulder “Does she know?”
“We haven’t really talked about it but I guess she has an idea”
“No problem mate, she’s coming to Salina. I’ll deal with Dawn”
“Thanks”
“Lazy gang!” Jason calls them “time to get back to work. And I also have these business cards for you with the directions to get to the place where you can rent your costumes for my party. I figured out it would be easier to all go to the same place so to avoid having two Red Riding Hoods dancing around”
“I’m in for the part of big bad wolf” Howard interrupts him raising his hand.
Everyone laughs.
Jason rolls his eyes while Mark takes the card “and they say you are a control freak. People just don’t know you, do they?”
“Yes Jay” Gaz says “let’s do something wild, what about two spoons of brown sugar in our herbal tea instead of one? Let’s see what wild scenarios could open up in front of us”
Jason breathes deep “inner strength, I’m calm and relaxed; your sarcasm is not touching me”
“But we can” and Mark jumps on his back.
SPARKS 16
Howard is standing there, with the biggest smile on his face. I don’t have the nerve to look at him. Dawn is definitely not happy to see him and does nothing to hide it. “What the hell are you doing back here so soon?”
“And it’s good to see you too hun” he answers “I had an emergency. I had to fly back to Manchester, and here I am. Love your neighbor as yourself … who said that? But if you don’t want me I’ll get my stuff and head to a Prêt a Manger and have a sandwich … all alone … like nobody cares for me in the whole wide world …”
Gaz brings another chair “poor Dougie, seat here by me! We will feed you and shelter you”
“No we won’t, he’s staying at Jason’s”
“Jason is in a business meeting and most of his stuff is here” he says patting his shoulder.
Dawn stands up and rolls her eyes “why do men have to be so stupid? Why? Doug, Gary follow me to the kitchen NOW!”
We all look at each other puzzled.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come too? I’m the only man left here… what haven’t I done wrong to deserve such a treatment?”
She doesn’t even bother to answer Mark, opens the door to the kitchen and waits for the two of them to walk by her.
She closes it behind them. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“I really don’t know what you’re talking about. I had to see my mom so I cut the trip short. What’s the problem?” Howard is talking with his hands on his hips
“He’s right honey, why are you so upset?”
“BECAUSE” she takes a deep breath “because I know that look, because I know what’s coming and it cannot be happening”
“You are fucking crazy! Sorry Gaz but I had to tell her. Do you think I’m here for her?”
“Who’s her?” Gary asks trying to step in between them.
“Her! So you know what I’m talking about!”
“I know your twisted mind. I don’t care about her”
“Who’s her?” Gary asks again
“I don’t believe you”
He takes his mobile and hands it her “call my mother and ask her, number under the ‘m’ as in mom”
“I will”
“Would you be so kind to tell me who are you talking about?” Gary begs
But Dawn is already on the phone “Hello, yes …. the kids are fine thanks … I was wondering ….. really …. sure …. I hope you’re feeling better now … goodbye” she looks at him and gives him his mobile back “Fine. I was wrong, I’m sorry. But you cannot stay”
“Jason has company; do you want me to check in a hotel?”
“You don’t need me; I don’t need you, going back to the cake, lunatics!”
They don’t even bother to answer him. “You can stay with Mark”
“My stuff is here”
“No” and she crosses her arms.
He gets closer, pulling funny faces at her and making a sweet, low voice “I’ll be good, I’ll pick up the garbage and mow the lawn... please? I’m homeless and alone and it’s raining outside”
She’s trying not to laugh, “alright then but if I see something fishy going on you’re out in the street in no time”
“Thanks mom. Can I help myself with the leftovers? I had nothing to eat all day”
“Sure, I’ll save you a slice of cake, if there is any left” and she joins us.
“Be right there with you!” he takes his mobile and writes a text “thanks sis, I’ll explain later”
For the rest of the dinner Mark, Howard and Gary ask all sort of questions to Julie, trying to understand what her life was like following them around.
Mark’s phone rings and he picks it up “Hello … of course I didn’t forget to tell them … do you think I’m stupid? … they can’t wait to go … sure … see you … bye”
“Going were Mark?’ Gary asks
“I was supposed to tell you this afternoon but totally forgot about it” smiles and shrugs “the label is taking us to Salina for four days, sun, sea and celebration of Jason’s birthday. We leave on Thursday and come back home to cold London on Sunday. I already told them you’re coming”
“An Italian island, sounds like fun” Dawn says
“And” Mark adds “they’re throwing Jason a masquerade birthday party!”
“Don’t tell me he chose a theme like ‘inner beauty’ or ‘peace on heart’ because I’ll kill him. I’m not wearing any new age crap” Howard says
“No, you can be anything you want as long as it is the character of a movie”
Howard grins “this is going to be so cool”
I drink my wine “hate masquerades, I don’t see why adults should wear stupid costumes and pretend to have fun”
“Who said anything about pretending?” he asks me “Why don’t you like it? What’s wrong with you Mary Pop..”
“Don’t say it!” and I place my hand over his mouth, he’s laughing tickling my palm *my heart is shrinking, can you die for something like that?*
“It’s a long story”
“I love long stories” Mark says “as long as we have cake”
“Come on, share some dirty secret with us” and Howard rests his head on my shoulder, “Please” Gary adds doing the same.
I sigh “I was six and I was invited to my first masquerade. I needed to buy a costume. I told my father on the phone, he was on his way back home from a trip to Eastern Europe and he said not to worry, he would buy me something special. I was so thrilled. Every little girl dreams about being a princess or a ballerina or even a little farm girl – I know, don’t look at me like that, it sounds crazy but it’s really popular in Italy. Anyway, he came back and he bought me Bulgaria national costume, I also had a little tambourine… pathetic”
“Poor Bea” and Gary pat my head
“I’m not done. He took me to the masquerade and every single bloody blond princess was asking me ‘so who are you?’ and I would say ‘I’m Bulgarian’. Do you know how many 6 years old kids know about Eastern European countries? Zero! It was so humiliating… I just wanted to be a ballerina. Worst than me was only little Oreste. His mother bought him a Dominican monk costume. While I was staying in the corner hoping they would all forget about me, he would stand in the middle of the room pretending to dance with the Invisible Woman. I had such a sad, depressing childhood”
Now they are both patting my head.
“Stop it, it’s not fun”
“Yes it is” and Howard kisses my cheek.
“Excuse me I need to make a phone call” and Julie heads toward the back garden. After a good 10 minutes I start to worry about her and I go looking where she is. She’s in the garden, freezing and having an argument with someone “NO FREAKING WAY!”
I walk in front of her mouthing ‘what’s going on?’ and she says to the person she’s talking to “hold on” and to me “she says she wan! And she DID NOT! Cut the crap Caro I can hear you! Yes, she is here. Just a second. She wants to talk to you”
“Ciao Caro”
“What can I say? Let it shine!”
I laugh “I don’t want to have anything to do with your delirious bet. I’m keeping my big mouth shout”
“But you’re smiling”
“Maybe”
“I knew he would come back”
“He went to see his mother”
“Yeah right”
“Not talking about it, it’s not gonna happen. I’ll put Julie back on”
“I’m not buying it! I remember the rules, he had to be here, as in London, by five, you never said anything about England … I don’t give a shit … you lost … she wan for sure. You should be here and see the way he desperately pretends not to look at like she’s a pile of chocolate ice-cream … yes, she agreed on the pictures, maybe I can talk her into the video as well” I punch her arm, she laughs “yes, you call Tricia? Fine. Need to go back inside; we’re so going to the mattresses now!”
“And it’s good to see you too hun” he answers “I had an emergency. I had to fly back to Manchester, and here I am. Love your neighbor as yourself … who said that? But if you don’t want me I’ll get my stuff and head to a Prêt a Manger and have a sandwich … all alone … like nobody cares for me in the whole wide world …”
Gaz brings another chair “poor Dougie, seat here by me! We will feed you and shelter you”
“No we won’t, he’s staying at Jason’s”
“Jason is in a business meeting and most of his stuff is here” he says patting his shoulder.
Dawn stands up and rolls her eyes “why do men have to be so stupid? Why? Doug, Gary follow me to the kitchen NOW!”
We all look at each other puzzled.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come too? I’m the only man left here… what haven’t I done wrong to deserve such a treatment?”
She doesn’t even bother to answer Mark, opens the door to the kitchen and waits for the two of them to walk by her.
She closes it behind them. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“I really don’t know what you’re talking about. I had to see my mom so I cut the trip short. What’s the problem?” Howard is talking with his hands on his hips
“He’s right honey, why are you so upset?”
“BECAUSE” she takes a deep breath “because I know that look, because I know what’s coming and it cannot be happening”
“You are fucking crazy! Sorry Gaz but I had to tell her. Do you think I’m here for her?”
“Who’s her?” Gary asks trying to step in between them.
“Her! So you know what I’m talking about!”
“I know your twisted mind. I don’t care about her”
“Who’s her?” Gary asks again
“I don’t believe you”
He takes his mobile and hands it her “call my mother and ask her, number under the ‘m’ as in mom”
“I will”
“Would you be so kind to tell me who are you talking about?” Gary begs
But Dawn is already on the phone “Hello, yes …. the kids are fine thanks … I was wondering ….. really …. sure …. I hope you’re feeling better now … goodbye” she looks at him and gives him his mobile back “Fine. I was wrong, I’m sorry. But you cannot stay”
“Jason has company; do you want me to check in a hotel?”
“You don’t need me; I don’t need you, going back to the cake, lunatics!”
They don’t even bother to answer him. “You can stay with Mark”
“My stuff is here”
“No” and she crosses her arms.
He gets closer, pulling funny faces at her and making a sweet, low voice “I’ll be good, I’ll pick up the garbage and mow the lawn... please? I’m homeless and alone and it’s raining outside”
She’s trying not to laugh, “alright then but if I see something fishy going on you’re out in the street in no time”
“Thanks mom. Can I help myself with the leftovers? I had nothing to eat all day”
“Sure, I’ll save you a slice of cake, if there is any left” and she joins us.
“Be right there with you!” he takes his mobile and writes a text “thanks sis, I’ll explain later”
For the rest of the dinner Mark, Howard and Gary ask all sort of questions to Julie, trying to understand what her life was like following them around.
Mark’s phone rings and he picks it up “Hello … of course I didn’t forget to tell them … do you think I’m stupid? … they can’t wait to go … sure … see you … bye”
“Going were Mark?’ Gary asks
“I was supposed to tell you this afternoon but totally forgot about it” smiles and shrugs “the label is taking us to Salina for four days, sun, sea and celebration of Jason’s birthday. We leave on Thursday and come back home to cold London on Sunday. I already told them you’re coming”
“An Italian island, sounds like fun” Dawn says
“And” Mark adds “they’re throwing Jason a masquerade birthday party!”
“Don’t tell me he chose a theme like ‘inner beauty’ or ‘peace on heart’ because I’ll kill him. I’m not wearing any new age crap” Howard says
“No, you can be anything you want as long as it is the character of a movie”
Howard grins “this is going to be so cool”
I drink my wine “hate masquerades, I don’t see why adults should wear stupid costumes and pretend to have fun”
“Who said anything about pretending?” he asks me “Why don’t you like it? What’s wrong with you Mary Pop..”
“Don’t say it!” and I place my hand over his mouth, he’s laughing tickling my palm *my heart is shrinking, can you die for something like that?*
“It’s a long story”
“I love long stories” Mark says “as long as we have cake”
“Come on, share some dirty secret with us” and Howard rests his head on my shoulder, “Please” Gary adds doing the same.
I sigh “I was six and I was invited to my first masquerade. I needed to buy a costume. I told my father on the phone, he was on his way back home from a trip to Eastern Europe and he said not to worry, he would buy me something special. I was so thrilled. Every little girl dreams about being a princess or a ballerina or even a little farm girl – I know, don’t look at me like that, it sounds crazy but it’s really popular in Italy. Anyway, he came back and he bought me Bulgaria national costume, I also had a little tambourine… pathetic”
“Poor Bea” and Gary pat my head
“I’m not done. He took me to the masquerade and every single bloody blond princess was asking me ‘so who are you?’ and I would say ‘I’m Bulgarian’. Do you know how many 6 years old kids know about Eastern European countries? Zero! It was so humiliating… I just wanted to be a ballerina. Worst than me was only little Oreste. His mother bought him a Dominican monk costume. While I was staying in the corner hoping they would all forget about me, he would stand in the middle of the room pretending to dance with the Invisible Woman. I had such a sad, depressing childhood”
Now they are both patting my head.
“Stop it, it’s not fun”
“Yes it is” and Howard kisses my cheek.
“Excuse me I need to make a phone call” and Julie heads toward the back garden. After a good 10 minutes I start to worry about her and I go looking where she is. She’s in the garden, freezing and having an argument with someone “NO FREAKING WAY!”
I walk in front of her mouthing ‘what’s going on?’ and she says to the person she’s talking to “hold on” and to me “she says she wan! And she DID NOT! Cut the crap Caro I can hear you! Yes, she is here. Just a second. She wants to talk to you”
“Ciao Caro”
“What can I say? Let it shine!”
I laugh “I don’t want to have anything to do with your delirious bet. I’m keeping my big mouth shout”
“But you’re smiling”
“Maybe”
“I knew he would come back”
“He went to see his mother”
“Yeah right”
“Not talking about it, it’s not gonna happen. I’ll put Julie back on”
“I’m not buying it! I remember the rules, he had to be here, as in London, by five, you never said anything about England … I don’t give a shit … you lost … she wan for sure. You should be here and see the way he desperately pretends not to look at like she’s a pile of chocolate ice-cream … yes, she agreed on the pictures, maybe I can talk her into the video as well” I punch her arm, she laughs “yes, you call Tricia? Fine. Need to go back inside; we’re so going to the mattresses now!”
SPARKS 15
“Your house is gorgeous” Daniel is showing Julie around the mansion followed by Dawn and me. She is ecstatic. “This place is amazing, and I like the works of art you bought. You are an expert”
“No, not me, that is Gary” and Dawn smiles.
“Cut the tour! Gaz I’m starving!” Mark yells downstairs, looks around and counts the number of sittings at the table “Jay’s not coming?”
“No” he answers “he had a meeting with a business associate” and winks at him.
“Jason Orange, a mystery man with a mystery lady. I hope one day we’ll be able to take a sightseeing tour of his mind” Emma adds and laughs.
We sit down and Julie starts telling everyone about her days as a TT fan back in the days “One day, I skipped school and I took a train all the way to your mom’s house. I knew you were staying there, so I camped outside your door and sang ‘Million Love Songs’ for 4 hours straight. Even the dogs run away from me!”
“Oh God ….was it… November? I don’t remember what year… but … it was you?” Gary says surprised “Even Jay sings better than you do! I thought they were skinning a cat down the street! Didn’t I come out and begged you to stop?”
“Indeed! You said, and I’m quoting here ‘if you feel any love for me stop it please. My ears hurt. Why don’t you go home now? It’s cold outside’. That was the sweetest thing anyone ever said to me! And we took a picture together”
“But you didn’t leave”
“Of course not! I kept praying that you would come out and ask me to marry me”
“Believe it or not, after 3 hours of that insane lamentation I took it into consideration, just to have you shut up”
“Yeah me! I was almost married to you”
“Ignore her, as long as she takes her medication she is not dangerous” I tell them.
“Fans were really crazy at the time. We would find girls everywhere. We were told what hotel we were going to stay 10 minutes before getting there and we would find hundreds of fans waiting for us already. How did you know?”
“Well” Julie says “we had an under-cover groupie inside your organization. You have no idea about the intelligence behind our logistics. We were able to track you down anywhere in the world. Boy we were good, I figure some of the hard core ones are working for the MI5 now”
“Hard core is the right description. Oh …” and we can all see his mind wonder back to those days, there’s a satisfied smile on his lips “They were pretty straightforward. Good times!” He then realizes Emma is giving him the killer look so he adds “but there’s no comparison with what we have today, right Gaz? Nothing is better than go back to a home full of love”
“Of course Markie!”
“You are the most pathetic liar ever my love” Emma tells him.
“Me need to come out of this uncomfortable mess, now.” Looks at me “Bea, were you a fan too? Don’t tell me we slept together and I don’t remember it. If that is the case I’ll blame it on Jason, he was supposed to keep scores and write names down”
“No, I’m sorry but I was not allowed to go to concerts or follow pop-stars around. The Nazi principal of the Switzerland boarding school I was serving time in was not too keen in leisure activities”
“Switzerland?” Dawn asks “I though you were Italian”
*shit, why don’t I keep my big mouth shout? From the lying for dummies book, chapter one, page one if you have to tell a lie, make it big*
“I am, but my father had to emigrate. He found a job near Zurich so we moved. He could not take care of me and work at the same time so he decided a boarding school would be the perfect solution”
“I’m sorry, it must have been harsh” she says while Julie is about to choke on her salad.
“It was I hated every minute of it” *and this is not a lie* “so after two years of boot camp I packed my suitcase and basically hitchhiked my way to London to be with my uncle”
“You have family here?”
*What are you, retarded?* “yes I do” *can only take a lie at the time, short attention span I guess*
“It’s dessert time” Dawn sighs and goes into the kitchen. Julie gets closer and whispers into my ear ‘poor little girl, an authoritarian father, a horrible boarding school and a perilous journey across Europe to find happiness. Victor Hugo might sue you for plagiarism. Shame on you!” and laughs.
“Shut up, I fell guilty enough already. I did go to school there and my father is severe and I did leave the school to move in my uncle …”
She looks down on me “double shame on you, he sent his secretary to get you”
“Details” I whisper.
Dawn comes back with a fantastic chocolate and pear tart when the bell rings.
Mark shouts out “That is Jay! Dinner with friends and Dawn’s tart trump hot lady! I knew it! I’ll get it!” turns to Gaz “Don’t even think about getting your dirty hands close to the cake before I am back” He stands up, takes a few steps, the bell keeps on ringing, comes back to the table “I don’t trust you. This baby is coming with me” and takes the plate away and yells “Jay I’m coming, and I’m bringing my tarty friend to greet youuuuuuuuu!”
“Mark, come back here! Have I ever let you down? The cake belongs to the table! I mean it” and runs behind him.
“Julie, I hope you will not tell anyone what you’re witnessing here tonight”
Gaz comes back carrying the cake and smiling, Mark walks behind him “Dawn, I know about your pet policy but he followed me all the way here, can we keep him? I promise I’ll walk him every day before school” and Howard appears on the door, wearing jeans, a leather jacket and holding his bag.
Julie looks at him, spits all her wine on the beautiful linen tablecloth and yells “HOLY FUCK!”
I cover my eyes and whisper “excuse her French”.
“No, not me, that is Gary” and Dawn smiles.
“Cut the tour! Gaz I’m starving!” Mark yells downstairs, looks around and counts the number of sittings at the table “Jay’s not coming?”
“No” he answers “he had a meeting with a business associate” and winks at him.
“Jason Orange, a mystery man with a mystery lady. I hope one day we’ll be able to take a sightseeing tour of his mind” Emma adds and laughs.
We sit down and Julie starts telling everyone about her days as a TT fan back in the days “One day, I skipped school and I took a train all the way to your mom’s house. I knew you were staying there, so I camped outside your door and sang ‘Million Love Songs’ for 4 hours straight. Even the dogs run away from me!”
“Oh God ….was it… November? I don’t remember what year… but … it was you?” Gary says surprised “Even Jay sings better than you do! I thought they were skinning a cat down the street! Didn’t I come out and begged you to stop?”
“Indeed! You said, and I’m quoting here ‘if you feel any love for me stop it please. My ears hurt. Why don’t you go home now? It’s cold outside’. That was the sweetest thing anyone ever said to me! And we took a picture together”
“But you didn’t leave”
“Of course not! I kept praying that you would come out and ask me to marry me”
“Believe it or not, after 3 hours of that insane lamentation I took it into consideration, just to have you shut up”
“Yeah me! I was almost married to you”
“Ignore her, as long as she takes her medication she is not dangerous” I tell them.
“Fans were really crazy at the time. We would find girls everywhere. We were told what hotel we were going to stay 10 minutes before getting there and we would find hundreds of fans waiting for us already. How did you know?”
“Well” Julie says “we had an under-cover groupie inside your organization. You have no idea about the intelligence behind our logistics. We were able to track you down anywhere in the world. Boy we were good, I figure some of the hard core ones are working for the MI5 now”
“Hard core is the right description. Oh …” and we can all see his mind wonder back to those days, there’s a satisfied smile on his lips “They were pretty straightforward. Good times!” He then realizes Emma is giving him the killer look so he adds “but there’s no comparison with what we have today, right Gaz? Nothing is better than go back to a home full of love”
“Of course Markie!”
“You are the most pathetic liar ever my love” Emma tells him.
“Me need to come out of this uncomfortable mess, now.” Looks at me “Bea, were you a fan too? Don’t tell me we slept together and I don’t remember it. If that is the case I’ll blame it on Jason, he was supposed to keep scores and write names down”
“No, I’m sorry but I was not allowed to go to concerts or follow pop-stars around. The Nazi principal of the Switzerland boarding school I was serving time in was not too keen in leisure activities”
“Switzerland?” Dawn asks “I though you were Italian”
*shit, why don’t I keep my big mouth shout? From the lying for dummies book, chapter one, page one if you have to tell a lie, make it big*
“I am, but my father had to emigrate. He found a job near Zurich so we moved. He could not take care of me and work at the same time so he decided a boarding school would be the perfect solution”
“I’m sorry, it must have been harsh” she says while Julie is about to choke on her salad.
“It was I hated every minute of it” *and this is not a lie* “so after two years of boot camp I packed my suitcase and basically hitchhiked my way to London to be with my uncle”
“You have family here?”
*What are you, retarded?* “yes I do” *can only take a lie at the time, short attention span I guess*
“It’s dessert time” Dawn sighs and goes into the kitchen. Julie gets closer and whispers into my ear ‘poor little girl, an authoritarian father, a horrible boarding school and a perilous journey across Europe to find happiness. Victor Hugo might sue you for plagiarism. Shame on you!” and laughs.
“Shut up, I fell guilty enough already. I did go to school there and my father is severe and I did leave the school to move in my uncle …”
She looks down on me “double shame on you, he sent his secretary to get you”
“Details” I whisper.
Dawn comes back with a fantastic chocolate and pear tart when the bell rings.
Mark shouts out “That is Jay! Dinner with friends and Dawn’s tart trump hot lady! I knew it! I’ll get it!” turns to Gaz “Don’t even think about getting your dirty hands close to the cake before I am back” He stands up, takes a few steps, the bell keeps on ringing, comes back to the table “I don’t trust you. This baby is coming with me” and takes the plate away and yells “Jay I’m coming, and I’m bringing my tarty friend to greet youuuuuuuuu!”
“Mark, come back here! Have I ever let you down? The cake belongs to the table! I mean it” and runs behind him.
“Julie, I hope you will not tell anyone what you’re witnessing here tonight”
Gaz comes back carrying the cake and smiling, Mark walks behind him “Dawn, I know about your pet policy but he followed me all the way here, can we keep him? I promise I’ll walk him every day before school” and Howard appears on the door, wearing jeans, a leather jacket and holding his bag.
Julie looks at him, spits all her wine on the beautiful linen tablecloth and yells “HOLY FUCK!”
I cover my eyes and whisper “excuse her French”.
SPARKS 14
I’m getting the kids ready to leave the house and face a gloomy Monday morning.
“We are rehearsing until 5 this afternoon. Maybe you could come by” Dawn suggests.
“I’d love to; I’m taking the kids to an art workshop at the National Gallery at 11.00 so it would just work out perfect for us”
“I like what you’re doing with them. They are very happy to spend time with you, even though Daniel said something about you singing the Hokey-Pokey when he scored a goal” and laughs.
“I know… that was beyond embarrassment, believe me”
“I talked to Gary, the job is yours if you want it”
“Really? That is brilliant news, thanks!”
“You look like a smart woman, but sometimes it’s hard to keep a right perspective on things.” Her expression is suddenly serious, “I saw the way you look at him. To him flirting is like breathing. He’s not leaving her”
*cut the pretending act* “I know, I just need to get used to the idea”
“The sooner the better. I know having him here for the week-end didn’t help, but he’ll be back at Jason’s when he comes back”
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to make the same mistake twice and besides you saw him. He’s not into me”
We get to the rehearsing studio at 4 and Julie is sitting on a chair, totally mesmerized by what she’s seeing. I walk to her “I’ve been trying to call you all day long! Where have you been?”
She doesn’t stop looking at Gary for a second “here, what do you think? McHorny got me a bloody pass, I’m thinking about quitting my job”
“Weren’t you supposed to meet my uncle Will for the two Hopper?”
“Called in sick, I’m busy can’t you see?”
I’m about to answer when her face goes red “hottest-thing-ever!”, her voice is just a hiss, “hot, hot, hot”. And I turn and I see them,
“This is heaven, maybe I should shag McHorny to thank him” and drinks from her bottle. Julie checks her watch “Caro is about to loose her bet. You can have her husband. You wan yourself a date to bring to my wedding. Problem solved! Aren’t you happy? Don’t forget you still need to buy a dress”
“She already lost her bet … wait a minute, how do you know?”
“I knew before you knew. Amateur! She said 24 hours but we decided we should consider time difference between here and Thailand and here and Germany, and Thailand and Germany, so after a few calculations we came up with a 5 p.m. Greenwich Time deadline”
“The two of you are mental”
“You’ll let her shag one of them!”
“Shush!” I take her arm and drag her outside “you should say it a little louder, there’s a nice lady in Paris who didn’t hear you”
“This could be a major event! We felt like we needed to establish some ground rules. Like, he comes back, but with her - we decided we are going to refer to her as her, no names or adjectives, just her – Caro loses and you get drunk. He comes back with child – she wins, you … not so much. He comes back alone – she wins and you get to shag him, take pictures, maybe a video, and show it to us. What do you think?”
“I don’t know. I’m scared I guess. Besides, this is nonsense. He’s not coming back and they’re not MINE” I guess I raised my voice, so I repeat it lowering it “they are not mine. What am I supposed to do? Knock on their door and tell them something like ‘Guys I lost a bet, one of you has to shag my lunatic friend?”
“Good idea, I would skip the lunatic part though. You won’t let her have Gary right? You wouldn’t do it to me? Right?”
I roll my eyes and open my arms “why do I even bother talking to you? And why are you so interested all of the sudden? You were the one banging on the bathroom door only 3 days ago! The lecture on rules, family, remember? Did you hit your head on the way here this morning?”
“Truth is I don’t like him. I don’t think he’s good for you but Caro gave me a new perspective on things”
I’m about to explode “She’s not even here, she’s thousands miles away”
“She had a feeling”
“A feeling”
“Like the one she had when she met Felix and said she was going to marry him in 6 months”
“And it was 4 months ago”
“Right, besides she had me thinking. You had nice, educated and proper men around you all your life and didn’t work out. Paolo, too good too be true, and we eventually learned he was not true … sorry shouldn’t be laughing. So maybe some more … rough action could do you good”
“I cannot believe it. Look at me, I am a freak! You are supposed to be the wise one. I need your help here. I’m already living a life that is not mine. You convinced me it was wrong. ”
“Maybe I was wrong. I promised her I will not interfere. Tricia is visiting her mom with the twins but she asked me to show you her text” she takes her mobile from her handbag and let me read ‘Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne is to become your mantra. We’re going to the mattresses!’
I shake my head. “I want to go home” I whisper “It’s too late, he’s not interested and he’s not leaving her”
“We’ll see. It’s four against one now. But I had some work done too today! Gary is thinking about buying some modern art, he asked me if I can help him”
“Don’t over charge him”
“He might be interested in something important, valuable and Spanish”
“Hum and why should I care?”
“I was thinking Picasso”
“Not many of those in the market nowadays I’m afraid”
“That’s why he asked for my help” She rests her head on my shoulder doing puppy eyes “well… you ….”
“You must be out of your mind.”
“He would be so impressed”
“Not selling it”
“Please”
“He loves his wife”
“I know and I love Gordon, but we could be best mates, just like you and Howard” and laughs
“You think you’re funny. But as” and I check my watch “now you are excluded from my will”
“I don’t care, I’m two years older than you, I’ll probably drop dead first”
“Too bad because you were getting the Picasso”
“I should keep my big mouth shut”
“And not making fun of your friends”
“I agree, what I did was despicable!”
“Still not selling it”
“Damn it!”
“Let’s go back inside my delusional friend. And tell Caro she lost, he’s not coming back”.
Dawn takes a break and comes to talk to us. “Mark and Emma are coming over for dinner, maybe you would like to join us Julie?”
She looks around her to check if there is another Julie she might be talking to and smile “Yes! I would love to”
“And you can bring your fiancée too”
“Thanks but he’s in Rome today, he’ll be so disappointed”. She looks at her watch, it’s 5 o’clock and looks at me “I’m sorry Hun.”
“Don’t worry, I wasn’t expecting him to come through that door, I’ll see you later at home”
“We are rehearsing until 5 this afternoon. Maybe you could come by” Dawn suggests.
“I’d love to; I’m taking the kids to an art workshop at the National Gallery at 11.00 so it would just work out perfect for us”
“I like what you’re doing with them. They are very happy to spend time with you, even though Daniel said something about you singing the Hokey-Pokey when he scored a goal” and laughs.
“I know… that was beyond embarrassment, believe me”
“I talked to Gary, the job is yours if you want it”
“Really? That is brilliant news, thanks!”
“You look like a smart woman, but sometimes it’s hard to keep a right perspective on things.” Her expression is suddenly serious, “I saw the way you look at him. To him flirting is like breathing. He’s not leaving her”
*cut the pretending act* “I know, I just need to get used to the idea”
“The sooner the better. I know having him here for the week-end didn’t help, but he’ll be back at Jason’s when he comes back”
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to make the same mistake twice and besides you saw him. He’s not into me”
We get to the rehearsing studio at 4 and Julie is sitting on a chair, totally mesmerized by what she’s seeing. I walk to her “I’ve been trying to call you all day long! Where have you been?”
She doesn’t stop looking at Gary for a second “here, what do you think? McHorny got me a bloody pass, I’m thinking about quitting my job”
“Weren’t you supposed to meet my uncle Will for the two Hopper?”
“Called in sick, I’m busy can’t you see?”
I’m about to answer when her face goes red “hottest-thing-ever!”, her voice is just a hiss, “hot, hot, hot”. And I turn and I see them,
“This is heaven, maybe I should shag McHorny to thank him” and drinks from her bottle. Julie checks her watch “Caro is about to loose her bet. You can have her husband. You wan yourself a date to bring to my wedding. Problem solved! Aren’t you happy? Don’t forget you still need to buy a dress”
“She already lost her bet … wait a minute, how do you know?”
“I knew before you knew. Amateur! She said 24 hours but we decided we should consider time difference between here and Thailand and here and Germany, and Thailand and Germany, so after a few calculations we came up with a 5 p.m. Greenwich Time deadline”
“The two of you are mental”
“You’ll let her shag one of them!”
“Shush!” I take her arm and drag her outside “you should say it a little louder, there’s a nice lady in Paris who didn’t hear you”
“This could be a major event! We felt like we needed to establish some ground rules. Like, he comes back, but with her - we decided we are going to refer to her as her, no names or adjectives, just her – Caro loses and you get drunk. He comes back with child – she wins, you … not so much. He comes back alone – she wins and you get to shag him, take pictures, maybe a video, and show it to us. What do you think?”
“I don’t know. I’m scared I guess. Besides, this is nonsense. He’s not coming back and they’re not MINE” I guess I raised my voice, so I repeat it lowering it “they are not mine. What am I supposed to do? Knock on their door and tell them something like ‘Guys I lost a bet, one of you has to shag my lunatic friend?”
“Good idea, I would skip the lunatic part though. You won’t let her have Gary right? You wouldn’t do it to me? Right?”
I roll my eyes and open my arms “why do I even bother talking to you? And why are you so interested all of the sudden? You were the one banging on the bathroom door only 3 days ago! The lecture on rules, family, remember? Did you hit your head on the way here this morning?”
“Truth is I don’t like him. I don’t think he’s good for you but Caro gave me a new perspective on things”
I’m about to explode “She’s not even here, she’s thousands miles away”
“She had a feeling”
“A feeling”
“Like the one she had when she met Felix and said she was going to marry him in 6 months”
“And it was 4 months ago”
“Right, besides she had me thinking. You had nice, educated and proper men around you all your life and didn’t work out. Paolo, too good too be true, and we eventually learned he was not true … sorry shouldn’t be laughing. So maybe some more … rough action could do you good”
“I cannot believe it. Look at me, I am a freak! You are supposed to be the wise one. I need your help here. I’m already living a life that is not mine. You convinced me it was wrong. ”
“Maybe I was wrong. I promised her I will not interfere. Tricia is visiting her mom with the twins but she asked me to show you her text” she takes her mobile from her handbag and let me read ‘Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne is to become your mantra. We’re going to the mattresses!’
I shake my head. “I want to go home” I whisper “It’s too late, he’s not interested and he’s not leaving her”
“We’ll see. It’s four against one now. But I had some work done too today! Gary is thinking about buying some modern art, he asked me if I can help him”
“Don’t over charge him”
“He might be interested in something important, valuable and Spanish”
“Hum and why should I care?”
“I was thinking Picasso”
“Not many of those in the market nowadays I’m afraid”
“That’s why he asked for my help” She rests her head on my shoulder doing puppy eyes “well… you ….”
“You must be out of your mind.”
“He would be so impressed”
“Not selling it”
“Please”
“He loves his wife”
“I know and I love Gordon, but we could be best mates, just like you and Howard” and laughs
“You think you’re funny. But as” and I check my watch “now you are excluded from my will”
“I don’t care, I’m two years older than you, I’ll probably drop dead first”
“Too bad because you were getting the Picasso”
“I should keep my big mouth shut”
“And not making fun of your friends”
“I agree, what I did was despicable!”
“Still not selling it”
“Damn it!”
“Let’s go back inside my delusional friend. And tell Caro she lost, he’s not coming back”.
Dawn takes a break and comes to talk to us. “Mark and Emma are coming over for dinner, maybe you would like to join us Julie?”
She looks around her to check if there is another Julie she might be talking to and smile “Yes! I would love to”
“And you can bring your fiancée too”
“Thanks but he’s in Rome today, he’ll be so disappointed”. She looks at her watch, it’s 5 o’clock and looks at me “I’m sorry Hun.”
“Don’t worry, I wasn’t expecting him to come through that door, I’ll see you later at home”
SPARKS 13
It is Sunday and it is raining again, I guess two straight sunny days were more than we could hope for. I open the door to the kitchen and Howard is already sitting at the table, wearing a white t-shirt and shorts. He seems really busy with a magazine in front of him. “Morning Gromit, what are you doing?”
He grunts.
“Right, have I ever told you are a true ray of sunshine?”
…
I’m a fast learner, prepare some coffee and start spreading some marmalade on my toast. I stay there, by the stove, looking at him, trying to find something smart or funny to tell him. *a simple sentence in English would help too you stupid cow* There is a stretch of silence between us which isn't entirely comfortable. Luckily coffee is ready and comes to my rescue. I pour him a cup and I get closer, with very careful steps, I almost tiptoe… “good boy, good boy” I pretend I’m facing a starving lion “here it is, no need to bite, I’m getting closer now, no need to get nervous, good boy” he smirks and takes it.
I get closer to him, “so what is it?”
“I don’t like when people talk to me so early in the morning and I don’t like when people read from behind my back” he says.
“Optimistic and positive, that’s what I like in a man” and I simply kiss his head. I guess not thinking is the real issue here. I realize what I have just done and freeze. He pretends not to notice *thanks*. “Sudoku! I love it”
“Of course you do”
“The four there is in the wrong position” I say pointing to the grid, “you need to move it here, so the five goes in the second row and the last column starts with a one”
“Would you like to complete it?”
“No, it’s yours, you have fun”
He looks at me for the first time “what is that?”
“By the look in your face should I assume you’re not a Miss Piggy fan?”
“Where do you buy your PJs? At the passion killer store down the street?”
I sigh, “You don’t understand, it’s what is under the fabric that counts”
He scratches his head “since when?”
“Since forever. Have you read what it says in the back?”
“Why I fear you’ll show it to me in a second?”
I turn around and he reads “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
He laughs. “See? I’m glad you like it, it was either this one or "Never eat more than you can lift'. I wasn’t too sure I could follow her suggestion, while I can certainly punch people. What do you think?”
“That you talk too much and that you must bizarre yet interesting mating rituals in Italy” I can see he is about to add something but changes his mind, “what did you do last night?”
“We went to a club in Notting Hill, how was the movie?”
“Fun, the kids loved it”.
He put his cup in the sink “I better wake Grace up, we’re spending the day with my sister, I’ll drive her back home in the afternoon and fly to Germany. I’ll be back on Wednesday.”
*Bonk!* that’s my heart falling into the sink by his coffee cup and leftovers of my toast. Try to smile “It’s such a beautiful country, can’t deal with the language though. I tried to study it. I took classes for 2 years but nothing. I guess one of the major issues I have with it is they expect you to say fruhstuck whenever you want breakfast and there’s no way it can be my first word in the morning”
He laughs, “Same here, can speak only few words”
“But for you is different”
“What do you mean?”
“I bet you were the cute boy who only had to count to ten without mistakes and everyone would clap their hands and praise your qualities. My father considered it a major disappointment in my academic career”
“Are you saying I’m dumb?”
“I’m saying you’ve a shrewd mind”
He grins, “Mary Swot Poppins, I have few words for you
You put your right foot in,
You put your right foot out;
You put your right foot in,
And you shake it all about.
You do the Hokey-Pokey,
And you turn yourself around.
That's what it's all about!
There you go, have a nice day” and laughs
“Not the Hokey-Pokey… I’m taking Daniel’s to his football game, what if I start singing it there…it is going to be so embarrassing…you should be ashamed of yourself”
“I’m not, do you know the moves?”
“Of what?”
“The Hokey-Pokey, come here” he takes my hand and guides me to center of the room and starts showing me how to do it. We’re shaking it all about when Gaz opens the door and looks at us.
Rolls his eyes “Kids I’ve told you many times, there’s no playing until you finish your homework. Doug, I don’t care how much you beg; there’s no changing of the concerts song list”. We laugh and he leaves the kitchen.
A little late I’m sitting in front of my laptop, writing and e-mail to Caro, hoping she can read it soon and maybe sending me a good advice
I know you cannot be bothered in your honeymoon. BTW hope uncle Will hasn’t send MI5 agents to look for me yet.
Woke up with this poem by Pablo Neruda on my mind
I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topazor arrow of carnations that propagate fire:I love you as certain dark things are loved,secretly, between the shadow and the soul.I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carrieshidden within itself the light of those flowers,and thanks to your love, darkly in my bodylives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,I love you simply, without problems or pride:I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of lovingbut this, in which there is no I or you,so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.
Went down for breakfast and Howard was there. Started singing ‘For your eyes only’ at the top of my imaginary lungs in my very much disturbed head.
He’s going to Germany for 3 days. Feel like killing myself. Please advice.
B
After few minutes my Google icon blinks and turns blue. I click on it
We got to the sea resort last night. It’s heaven. They have internet connection! Be back in a week.
Suicidal instinct? Save yourself the trouble and tell your father you’re working as a nanny. He’ll kill you himself. LOL
I bet my husband he’ll come back in less than 24 hours. If I win you HAVE to let me shag one of them.
C.
He grunts.
“Right, have I ever told you are a true ray of sunshine?”
…
I’m a fast learner, prepare some coffee and start spreading some marmalade on my toast. I stay there, by the stove, looking at him, trying to find something smart or funny to tell him. *a simple sentence in English would help too you stupid cow* There is a stretch of silence between us which isn't entirely comfortable. Luckily coffee is ready and comes to my rescue. I pour him a cup and I get closer, with very careful steps, I almost tiptoe… “good boy, good boy” I pretend I’m facing a starving lion “here it is, no need to bite, I’m getting closer now, no need to get nervous, good boy” he smirks and takes it.
I get closer to him, “so what is it?”
“I don’t like when people talk to me so early in the morning and I don’t like when people read from behind my back” he says.
“Optimistic and positive, that’s what I like in a man” and I simply kiss his head. I guess not thinking is the real issue here. I realize what I have just done and freeze. He pretends not to notice *thanks*. “Sudoku! I love it”
“Of course you do”
“The four there is in the wrong position” I say pointing to the grid, “you need to move it here, so the five goes in the second row and the last column starts with a one”
“Would you like to complete it?”
“No, it’s yours, you have fun”
He looks at me for the first time “what is that?”
“By the look in your face should I assume you’re not a Miss Piggy fan?”
“Where do you buy your PJs? At the passion killer store down the street?”
I sigh, “You don’t understand, it’s what is under the fabric that counts”
He scratches his head “since when?”
“Since forever. Have you read what it says in the back?”
“Why I fear you’ll show it to me in a second?”
I turn around and he reads “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
He laughs. “See? I’m glad you like it, it was either this one or "Never eat more than you can lift'. I wasn’t too sure I could follow her suggestion, while I can certainly punch people. What do you think?”
“That you talk too much and that you must bizarre yet interesting mating rituals in Italy” I can see he is about to add something but changes his mind, “what did you do last night?”
“We went to a club in Notting Hill, how was the movie?”
“Fun, the kids loved it”.
He put his cup in the sink “I better wake Grace up, we’re spending the day with my sister, I’ll drive her back home in the afternoon and fly to Germany. I’ll be back on Wednesday.”
*Bonk!* that’s my heart falling into the sink by his coffee cup and leftovers of my toast. Try to smile “It’s such a beautiful country, can’t deal with the language though. I tried to study it. I took classes for 2 years but nothing. I guess one of the major issues I have with it is they expect you to say fruhstuck whenever you want breakfast and there’s no way it can be my first word in the morning”
He laughs, “Same here, can speak only few words”
“But for you is different”
“What do you mean?”
“I bet you were the cute boy who only had to count to ten without mistakes and everyone would clap their hands and praise your qualities. My father considered it a major disappointment in my academic career”
“Are you saying I’m dumb?”
“I’m saying you’ve a shrewd mind”
He grins, “Mary Swot Poppins, I have few words for you
You put your right foot in,
You put your right foot out;
You put your right foot in,
And you shake it all about.
You do the Hokey-Pokey,
And you turn yourself around.
That's what it's all about!
There you go, have a nice day” and laughs
“Not the Hokey-Pokey… I’m taking Daniel’s to his football game, what if I start singing it there…it is going to be so embarrassing…you should be ashamed of yourself”
“I’m not, do you know the moves?”
“Of what?”
“The Hokey-Pokey, come here” he takes my hand and guides me to center of the room and starts showing me how to do it. We’re shaking it all about when Gaz opens the door and looks at us.
Rolls his eyes “Kids I’ve told you many times, there’s no playing until you finish your homework. Doug, I don’t care how much you beg; there’s no changing of the concerts song list”. We laugh and he leaves the kitchen.
A little late I’m sitting in front of my laptop, writing and e-mail to Caro, hoping she can read it soon and maybe sending me a good advice
I know you cannot be bothered in your honeymoon. BTW hope uncle Will hasn’t send MI5 agents to look for me yet.
Woke up with this poem by Pablo Neruda on my mind
I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topazor arrow of carnations that propagate fire:I love you as certain dark things are loved,secretly, between the shadow and the soul.I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carrieshidden within itself the light of those flowers,and thanks to your love, darkly in my bodylives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,I love you simply, without problems or pride:I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of lovingbut this, in which there is no I or you,so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.
Went down for breakfast and Howard was there. Started singing ‘For your eyes only’ at the top of my imaginary lungs in my very much disturbed head.
He’s going to Germany for 3 days. Feel like killing myself. Please advice.
B
After few minutes my Google icon blinks and turns blue. I click on it
We got to the sea resort last night. It’s heaven. They have internet connection! Be back in a week.
Suicidal instinct? Save yourself the trouble and tell your father you’re working as a nanny. He’ll kill you himself. LOL
I bet my husband he’ll come back in less than 24 hours. If I win you HAVE to let me shag one of them.
C.
SPARKS 12
I’m at window, looking at them all getting in a car and heading to the London Zoo. I decide to call Julie.
“Hello stranger”
“You sound much better than this morning”
“We’re friends now”
“Friends as Rachel and Joey in the first episodes of the last season or friends as Phoebe and Chandler?”
“I would expect a better metaphor from you.”
“What can I say; it is my favorite TV series. What are doing?”
“I’m free; they’re all going to the Zoo. Coming back in a couple of hours. Want to meet for a coffee?”
“I’m on my way to the hairdresser”
“Friends come before hair”
“You’re saying it because you haven’t seen me yet. I’m heading to King’s Road, what about the Italian café in Duke of York square?”
“Be right there”
We order our coffees.
“This is your first and last working week-end right?”
“Yes Madam!”
“Good because I miss my shopping buddy … Antonio is worried about you”
“Everyone seems to be worried about me. I feel like the village idiot. I’m fine”
“Hi, I don’t think we have met before, I’m Julie and I can read your stupid mind. Howard didn’t leave a good impression on the crew”
“You can spread the word; there is nothing to worry about. He’s ignoring me. Whatever he felt for me he took a magic pill and got rid of it. Hurray”
“Are you sure?”
“He looks at me with the same passion you look at your Brussels sprouts. He calls me Mary Poppins, is there anything less sensual that her?”
“Herpes maybe? By the way Sir William Clifton called me this morning”
“You talked to uncle Will? Why?”
“He’s thinking about donating two Hopper to the gallery and wanted to ask me if we could meet sometime next week”
“He’s giving up two of his children? That is a surprise”
“I suspect it was an excuse to ask me about you, he said you haven’t called him in 4 weeks. He’s really worried”
“He must be. Two Hopper, he must be devastated. What did you tell him?”
“You’re sailing off the coast of Myanmar”
“With Caro”
“And Felix”
“Are we having fun?”
“A blast”
“Do I have all my Aveda hair care product with me? I hate when my hair gets all blonde because of the sun ad the sea”
“You do” looks at me “what are you doing?”
“Taking notes, I have this fantasy world I live in and I need as many details as possible to make it believable”
“We need to work on your mood; I can’t see you like that on my wedding day”
“Why not, I’ll be your something blue. Have you told Caro I’m with her? Uncle Will loves fact-check.”
“Yes, I called her on Felix’s precious satellite mobile”
“Did she pick up? He doesn’t let anyone touching it”
“I sent her a text saying, ‘Gary freaking Barlow sang happy birthday to me’. She called me after 5 seconds sharp! I was telling her about our night at the Colossus when Felix started screaming in the background to cut the phone call short, it is to be used for emergency only and so on and so forth and then he hung up on me”
“How rude”
“I know, I was describing what Howard was wearing, that is an emergency right?”
“I think it is listed as a top priority in all communication protocols”
“So I finished my breakfast and Caro called me back”
“Did she throw Felix overboard?”
“No, she told me she tricked him in some kinky stuff. Had him blindfolded and tied up to the bedpost so she could use the satellite phone”
“Wicked”
“I know. Anyway we are on the same page and she says if you hear of Robbie coming back just call her and she’ll jump on the first flight to London”
“Isn’t she on her honeymoon?”
“Take That first”
“Do I have any normal girlfriend?”
“I fear not, and this Howard thing is for the best”
“I was supposed to be the first one to get married this year. She’s on her honeymoon, you’ll be soon. Tricia is the proud mother of two twins and I am stuck here, in no man’s land. Have you realized I am your last single girlfriend? I turn around and there’s no one behind me. I’m the last one in queue. By the time I get to the counter all the good ones will be taken. So tell me, how this Howard thing is for the best?” and I cross my arms.
She smiles. “Easy. During lunch I was trying to picture in my mind him meeting your family”
“Shut up”
“I knew it! I should have brought finger puppets. It would have been funnier, anyway.” And she moves her two index fingers pretending they’re real people “First stop, the mansion in Belgravia to meet your uncle, Lord our-genealogy-goes-back-to-William-the-Conqueror-dear Clifton. Just picture the moment Howard opens his mouth and a horrified expression appears on you uncle’s face. I bet once the butler hears the thick Mancunian accent he would show him the servants’ rooms”
“He would not”
“Yeah, right! Or even better! He could ask Howard about his personal life and he would say I have 2 daughters and your uncle would add so you were married and he would answer no and he would reply how providential we don’t use the word bastard anymore”
She’s still moving her fingers, doing funny voices and I laugh totally picturing the scene.
“Second stop on Howard’s horror tour would be … father” and she starts humming ‘The Ride of the Valkyries’ music. “You drive up to your renaissance villa, the cypress along the road, the vineyard and the sunflowers. All your precious ancestors hanging on the walls. Father would tell him few anecdotes on how your family shaped Italian history and would encourage him to talk about his. This is my favorite part! Howard would say my dad taught Latin-American dancing and my mum used to be a singer. At this point father could probably choke but we know he doesn’t easily give up and would say something sensitive and understanding like there’s nothing wrong about being self-made man, where did you study? And Howard again, school wasn’t really my thing. I only passed three subjects: English, maths and geography. I was more into break-dancing. Here father is looking at you, trying to figure out how many electroshocks will be needed to get your back to your senses. But Howard would not shut up and add something like I used to paint cars before I showed my naked bottom on stage singing Relight my Fire. And that is the very moment when father has the aneurism.”
And I spit my coffee on the table laughing.
“Stop calling him ‘father’! I’m the only one allowed to do it! And the amount of information you have on Howard’s life is disturbing”
“Can we do the tour anyway? I bet if you write him a check he would forget about the Brussels sprouts appeal and accept to meet them. It could be my wedding present. Please? Pretty please?”
My mobile rings, it’s a text from Dawn “taking the kids to the movies. You’re free.”
“Hurray!”
“Hello stranger”
“You sound much better than this morning”
“We’re friends now”
“Friends as Rachel and Joey in the first episodes of the last season or friends as Phoebe and Chandler?”
“I would expect a better metaphor from you.”
“What can I say; it is my favorite TV series. What are doing?”
“I’m free; they’re all going to the Zoo. Coming back in a couple of hours. Want to meet for a coffee?”
“I’m on my way to the hairdresser”
“Friends come before hair”
“You’re saying it because you haven’t seen me yet. I’m heading to King’s Road, what about the Italian café in Duke of York square?”
“Be right there”
We order our coffees.
“This is your first and last working week-end right?”
“Yes Madam!”
“Good because I miss my shopping buddy … Antonio is worried about you”
“Everyone seems to be worried about me. I feel like the village idiot. I’m fine”
“Hi, I don’t think we have met before, I’m Julie and I can read your stupid mind. Howard didn’t leave a good impression on the crew”
“You can spread the word; there is nothing to worry about. He’s ignoring me. Whatever he felt for me he took a magic pill and got rid of it. Hurray”
“Are you sure?”
“He looks at me with the same passion you look at your Brussels sprouts. He calls me Mary Poppins, is there anything less sensual that her?”
“Herpes maybe? By the way Sir William Clifton called me this morning”
“You talked to uncle Will? Why?”
“He’s thinking about donating two Hopper to the gallery and wanted to ask me if we could meet sometime next week”
“He’s giving up two of his children? That is a surprise”
“I suspect it was an excuse to ask me about you, he said you haven’t called him in 4 weeks. He’s really worried”
“He must be. Two Hopper, he must be devastated. What did you tell him?”
“You’re sailing off the coast of Myanmar”
“With Caro”
“And Felix”
“Are we having fun?”
“A blast”
“Do I have all my Aveda hair care product with me? I hate when my hair gets all blonde because of the sun ad the sea”
“You do” looks at me “what are you doing?”
“Taking notes, I have this fantasy world I live in and I need as many details as possible to make it believable”
“We need to work on your mood; I can’t see you like that on my wedding day”
“Why not, I’ll be your something blue. Have you told Caro I’m with her? Uncle Will loves fact-check.”
“Yes, I called her on Felix’s precious satellite mobile”
“Did she pick up? He doesn’t let anyone touching it”
“I sent her a text saying, ‘Gary freaking Barlow sang happy birthday to me’. She called me after 5 seconds sharp! I was telling her about our night at the Colossus when Felix started screaming in the background to cut the phone call short, it is to be used for emergency only and so on and so forth and then he hung up on me”
“How rude”
“I know, I was describing what Howard was wearing, that is an emergency right?”
“I think it is listed as a top priority in all communication protocols”
“So I finished my breakfast and Caro called me back”
“Did she throw Felix overboard?”
“No, she told me she tricked him in some kinky stuff. Had him blindfolded and tied up to the bedpost so she could use the satellite phone”
“Wicked”
“I know. Anyway we are on the same page and she says if you hear of Robbie coming back just call her and she’ll jump on the first flight to London”
“Isn’t she on her honeymoon?”
“Take That first”
“Do I have any normal girlfriend?”
“I fear not, and this Howard thing is for the best”
“I was supposed to be the first one to get married this year. She’s on her honeymoon, you’ll be soon. Tricia is the proud mother of two twins and I am stuck here, in no man’s land. Have you realized I am your last single girlfriend? I turn around and there’s no one behind me. I’m the last one in queue. By the time I get to the counter all the good ones will be taken. So tell me, how this Howard thing is for the best?” and I cross my arms.
She smiles. “Easy. During lunch I was trying to picture in my mind him meeting your family”
“Shut up”
“I knew it! I should have brought finger puppets. It would have been funnier, anyway.” And she moves her two index fingers pretending they’re real people “First stop, the mansion in Belgravia to meet your uncle, Lord our-genealogy-goes-back-to-William-the-Conqueror-dear Clifton. Just picture the moment Howard opens his mouth and a horrified expression appears on you uncle’s face. I bet once the butler hears the thick Mancunian accent he would show him the servants’ rooms”
“He would not”
“Yeah, right! Or even better! He could ask Howard about his personal life and he would say I have 2 daughters and your uncle would add so you were married and he would answer no and he would reply how providential we don’t use the word bastard anymore”
She’s still moving her fingers, doing funny voices and I laugh totally picturing the scene.
“Second stop on Howard’s horror tour would be … father” and she starts humming ‘The Ride of the Valkyries’ music. “You drive up to your renaissance villa, the cypress along the road, the vineyard and the sunflowers. All your precious ancestors hanging on the walls. Father would tell him few anecdotes on how your family shaped Italian history and would encourage him to talk about his. This is my favorite part! Howard would say my dad taught Latin-American dancing and my mum used to be a singer. At this point father could probably choke but we know he doesn’t easily give up and would say something sensitive and understanding like there’s nothing wrong about being self-made man, where did you study? And Howard again, school wasn’t really my thing. I only passed three subjects: English, maths and geography. I was more into break-dancing. Here father is looking at you, trying to figure out how many electroshocks will be needed to get your back to your senses. But Howard would not shut up and add something like I used to paint cars before I showed my naked bottom on stage singing Relight my Fire. And that is the very moment when father has the aneurism.”
And I spit my coffee on the table laughing.
“Stop calling him ‘father’! I’m the only one allowed to do it! And the amount of information you have on Howard’s life is disturbing”
“Can we do the tour anyway? I bet if you write him a check he would forget about the Brussels sprouts appeal and accept to meet them. It could be my wedding present. Please? Pretty please?”
My mobile rings, it’s a text from Dawn “taking the kids to the movies. You’re free.”
“Hurray!”
SPARKS 11
Howard enters the kitchen, Dawn is slicing some vegetables.
“I was cheated out of the game”
“I heard, you were all screaming so loud I thought you were declaring war on our neighbor” he gets closer and pick a piece of cheese from the plate.
She playfully slaps his hand “go wash your hands first”, he smiles back.
“What happened last night?”
He’s taken by surprise “why? What have you heard?”
“So something did happen. What is it?”
“Nothing” and his eyes fix the floor.
“Not looking into my eyes. So your either extremely fascinated by my Italian tiles or your are extremely fascinated by my Italian nanny ”
“Promise you won’t get mad at me”
“What did you do?”
“I almost kissed her”
She puts down the knife “what do I have to do to put same sense in that brain of yours?”
“Nothing, Julie did it for you. She lectured me like there’s no tomorrow. I’ll be a good boy and behave. I’m blaming it on the mess my life is. You know. 2 houses, 2 countries, 2 children, the tour. I was looking at her before, she’s not even that hot.”
“You’re such a gentleman. Promise to stay away from her?”
“Cross my heart. We had a little chat this morning and we agreed on being just friends. I saw you lurking before. You saw us, no sexual tension whatsoever” and kisses on her cheek .
“I want to believe you but I’m watching you.”
“I am allowed to do some innocent flirting though? That is fun!”.
“As long as it is totally and utterly platonic”
He looks at her “plawhat?”
She throws a wet sponge at him “you know what I mean. Call your partners in crime, lunch is ready.”
The kids decide to have a picnic lunch in the garden so the four of us are sitting at the table.
“We need to get him something he’ll remember” Gaz says
“It’s so hard to shop for Jason, can’t do clothing because he likes to try stuff on over and over, can’t do watches or books or anything sporty.. Doug do you have any idea? His birthday is in a few days” Dawn asks “why are you looking at me? the fact we have been roomy for the past 2 weeks doesn’t mean I know him any better than you do.”
“there must be something he said he wants” Dawn is not ready to give up.
“maybe … but I can’t say. I am sworn to secrecy”
Gaz gets up and in a split second he’s holding him by the ear
“Gary that hurts, let me go”, he pulls his ear more “confess! If you don’t I’ll let Dawn take my place and it will be trouble!”
I look at them and smile, trying to remember how old are they.
“I can’t, I won’t, I’m stronger than the two of you evil married couple. The only thing you’ll get from me is my name and mobile number”
“I warned you wicked DJ! Dawn, you know what to do” and she starts tickling him. he cannot move and after few minutes starts yelling “alright, enough, enough! He needs a good divorce lawyer”
“Jason’s married?” I ask’
They all look at me like I’m insane. “Not him, her” and Howard winks “she is married”
“That’s why he would not introduce her to us. That’s a relief, I thought he didn’t like us enough” Gary says.
Dawn shakes her head “it’s such a good thing you can write music love, because let’s face it, you’re not the brightest of men”
“Or the cutest” Howard adds. “But enough talking about Jay and his wicked love life”. Turns to me “so Bea, who are you?”
“Me? Italian, female, fairly educated, nanny. Why?
“I’m telling you, you look nothing like Mary Poppins”
“If I hear this Mary Poppins crap once more I’m going to strangle you Howard”
“Mary … Poppins” and smile at me. *Good, so that’s what is going to be from now on, innocent flirting. I hate you*
“Don’t kill him, it is way too late to replace him” Gary pretends to beg.
“I guess I can postpone his execution, it would not look good in my resume. Can give first aid but killed a man”
“You know nothing about first aid, you’re making it up” he adds mocking me.
“I know everything there is to know about first aid.”
He crosses his arms “let’s hear it”
“When you are in front of someone who was seriously injured in a car crash, ambulance is on the way, what are you supposed to do?”
“Not to touch him until the paramedics arrive” he answers, we could just be alone in here, Gary and Dawn are totally excluded from our conversation.
“Precisely! That’s what I do, stay there and not move. Even if they beg me, I do nothing. I might even kick them if they attempt to move. Nobody messes up with my first aid job”
He looks at me and burst into laughter “Mary Mental Poppins”
“Gromit”
“I’m not a dog”
“He talks more than you do!” Dawn add.
He ignores her. “Are you eating your fries?” asks me
“No” and he starts eating off my plate *twilight zone, that’s where I am*
“I was cheated out of the game”
“I heard, you were all screaming so loud I thought you were declaring war on our neighbor” he gets closer and pick a piece of cheese from the plate.
She playfully slaps his hand “go wash your hands first”, he smiles back.
“What happened last night?”
He’s taken by surprise “why? What have you heard?”
“So something did happen. What is it?”
“Nothing” and his eyes fix the floor.
“Not looking into my eyes. So your either extremely fascinated by my Italian tiles or your are extremely fascinated by my Italian nanny ”
“Promise you won’t get mad at me”
“What did you do?”
“I almost kissed her”
She puts down the knife “what do I have to do to put same sense in that brain of yours?”
“Nothing, Julie did it for you. She lectured me like there’s no tomorrow. I’ll be a good boy and behave. I’m blaming it on the mess my life is. You know. 2 houses, 2 countries, 2 children, the tour. I was looking at her before, she’s not even that hot.”
“You’re such a gentleman. Promise to stay away from her?”
“Cross my heart. We had a little chat this morning and we agreed on being just friends. I saw you lurking before. You saw us, no sexual tension whatsoever” and kisses on her cheek .
“I want to believe you but I’m watching you.”
“I am allowed to do some innocent flirting though? That is fun!”.
“As long as it is totally and utterly platonic”
He looks at her “plawhat?”
She throws a wet sponge at him “you know what I mean. Call your partners in crime, lunch is ready.”
The kids decide to have a picnic lunch in the garden so the four of us are sitting at the table.
“We need to get him something he’ll remember” Gaz says
“It’s so hard to shop for Jason, can’t do clothing because he likes to try stuff on over and over, can’t do watches or books or anything sporty.. Doug do you have any idea? His birthday is in a few days” Dawn asks “why are you looking at me? the fact we have been roomy for the past 2 weeks doesn’t mean I know him any better than you do.”
“there must be something he said he wants” Dawn is not ready to give up.
“maybe … but I can’t say. I am sworn to secrecy”
Gaz gets up and in a split second he’s holding him by the ear
“Gary that hurts, let me go”, he pulls his ear more “confess! If you don’t I’ll let Dawn take my place and it will be trouble!”
I look at them and smile, trying to remember how old are they.
“I can’t, I won’t, I’m stronger than the two of you evil married couple. The only thing you’ll get from me is my name and mobile number”
“I warned you wicked DJ! Dawn, you know what to do” and she starts tickling him. he cannot move and after few minutes starts yelling “alright, enough, enough! He needs a good divorce lawyer”
“Jason’s married?” I ask’
They all look at me like I’m insane. “Not him, her” and Howard winks “she is married”
“That’s why he would not introduce her to us. That’s a relief, I thought he didn’t like us enough” Gary says.
Dawn shakes her head “it’s such a good thing you can write music love, because let’s face it, you’re not the brightest of men”
“Or the cutest” Howard adds. “But enough talking about Jay and his wicked love life”. Turns to me “so Bea, who are you?”
“Me? Italian, female, fairly educated, nanny. Why?
“I’m telling you, you look nothing like Mary Poppins”
“If I hear this Mary Poppins crap once more I’m going to strangle you Howard”
“Mary … Poppins” and smile at me. *Good, so that’s what is going to be from now on, innocent flirting. I hate you*
“Don’t kill him, it is way too late to replace him” Gary pretends to beg.
“I guess I can postpone his execution, it would not look good in my resume. Can give first aid but killed a man”
“You know nothing about first aid, you’re making it up” he adds mocking me.
“I know everything there is to know about first aid.”
He crosses his arms “let’s hear it”
“When you are in front of someone who was seriously injured in a car crash, ambulance is on the way, what are you supposed to do?”
“Not to touch him until the paramedics arrive” he answers, we could just be alone in here, Gary and Dawn are totally excluded from our conversation.
“Precisely! That’s what I do, stay there and not move. Even if they beg me, I do nothing. I might even kick them if they attempt to move. Nobody messes up with my first aid job”
He looks at me and burst into laughter “Mary Mental Poppins”
“Gromit”
“I’m not a dog”
“He talks more than you do!” Dawn add.
He ignores her. “Are you eating your fries?” asks me
“No” and he starts eating off my plate *twilight zone, that’s where I am*
SPARKS 10
Annoying ‘beep beep” coming from my mobile. I open my eye and check my watch. 6.45. Time to go. Julie’s still sleeping. *Shit my Gucci dress. All wrinkled. Double shit. Oh my head hurts.*
I get up, making sure I don’t wake her up. I find a pair of sweatpants and my ‘Renaissance men do it better’ t-shirt. Head to the bathroom to find Gordon asleep on the floor. *How much did we drink?*
Leave the bathroom and I go splashing my face on the kitchen sink. I place my black dress on a chair and close the door behind me.
I call a cab and I finally get home, they are all still sleeping, *first stop the kitchen, coffee and aspirin, I’ll be as good as new*
“Sort of hoping you’d be back before I left”
I jump, letting my favorite mug fall on the floor where it smashes into million peaces “Howard what the heck! It’s the second time in less than 12 hours you scare the hell out of me! Don’t you have a house?” *I did not even brush my teeth*
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. Let me clean it” he’s kneeling in front of me, trying to pick up all the peaces. My hand moves to touch his hair but I take it back just in time before he turns to look at me “In fact I don’t have a house. I’m redoing the floors in my apartment. It’s taking it forever though. I’m staying with Jason but he had company last night. I didn’t want to be on the way. I spent the night here. I’m so sorry”
“No need to”
He stands up again, throws what was my mug in the garbage and places his hands on my shoulders “I mean it, I’m sorry about last night”
“Apology accepted, let’s not talk about it” *feel like crying*
“It’s not a good period for me, the other day, the phone call, it was my ex” *his ex, not the current one, why don’t I just shoot myself, he’s not even a Type H, he’s just a natural born cheater* “I was supposed to spend the week-end with my daughter; her mother changed her mind at the last minute. We had a long chat last night after I left the restaurant and I’m going to pick my baby up now. We’ll be back by lunch time”
“I’m happy for you”
“I would have never followed you in that restroom if I was in a right state of mind”
*of course, why would you?* My brain is just screaming, *pathetic and delusional* over and over.
“I like you very much, I guess you know it, but the restroom! It’s just so ‘Unfaithful’ don’t you think? Are we ok? We are going to spend a lot of time together, we need to get along”
“Of course we are”
“Great, I’ll go now, see you later”, places a chaste kiss on my forehead and leaves.
The kitchen is empty; I look around me and run to my room. Get into the shower and cry myself to oblivion.
Julie’s mobile rings for a time that is like forever “you better have a good excuse”
“Julie it’s me”
“Why are you crying? What happened?”
“He said he’s sorry”
I can see her struggling to come up with rational sentences “You saw him? Stop crying, I don’t understand what you’re trying to say”
“He said he’s sorry. Have you ever heard of anything more humiliating than that? He regrets following me to the restroom”
“Honey maybe it’s not what he meant”
“I do speak English! I’m a moron, a shipwrecked, lonely, man-proof moron. I went to bed last night thinking he wanted me, you said he wanted me, and this morning, poof, I’m a white pair of jeans in September. Speaking of which, you can keep the dress; I won’t wear it ever again, it’s cursed”
“I’m coming over”
“No, it’s time I wake up the kids”
“You don’t need the bloody job! Come back home and we can talk”
“I need the job, the kids are keeping me together. He kissed my forehead! Do you understand? My bloody forehead! That is the ultimate kiss of death! He should have just shot me! A simple gesture and he downgraded me among the non-datable women. Pathetic!”
“The fact he doesn’t…”
“Don’t say it, because let’s face it, lately no one wants me! They even have sex with men so they won’t have to deal with me. I’m to men what kryptonite is to Superman”
……
“If the world’s fattest twins are married then there is hope for all of us”
I stay there, with my mobile in my hand, while my mind is trying to comprehend her last sentence and tears turn into laughter
*that’s why I called her* “Thanks”“You’re welcome, I’ll call you later”
I wash my face and wake the kids up. We’re all in the kitchen, Emily and Daniel are having their cereal and Dawn is sipping her coffee.
“How was the party last night?”
“The place is plain horrible but the food is unbelievable! Julie was so happy, but I guess we overdid the beverages”
“It was a party! So while you we having a blast the glamorous Barlow couple was watching ‘The little mermaid’ with the offspring. I think it was really sweet of Howard to ask Gary to sing her happy birthday”
“I guess”
“He’s very charming, you don’t know him but he’s as good as gold”
“I guess”
“He had a guilty face when he came back last night”
“I don’t want to talk about it”
“If there was something wrong you would tell me right?”
“Of course I would”
I look outside and open my arms “Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this sun of York! It’s a magnificent morning, let’s go out and play ‘1, 2, 3 stella’!”
“What is it?” Emily asks
“Let’s learn how to say it first, oo-noh, doo-eh, treh, stella!”
“How do we play it?”
“Well Daniel, I am going to stay at the end of the garden, with my back at you and I’ll count oo-noh, doo-eh, treh, stella. When I say stella I turn and you have to freeze, if you move you’re out”
“It’s green light read light” says Daniel
“But in Italian is funnier, especially because we can make up our own rules!”
We start playing and Gary decides to join us. We’re in the middle of the game when Howard comes into the garden with his daughter.
We all great them and Daniel introduces me to Gracie.
“I don’t know what you’re doing but we’re going to join you!” says Howard.
“I don’t know … we’re picky when it comes to Italian games, let me consult with my mates here” we move to the center of the garden and vote.
“It’s your lucky day Doug!” laughs Gary.
I start counting again, and again, Howard and Daniel are getting dangerously close. I go ‘oo-noh, doo-eh, treh, stella!” and I turn, my nose is 2 inches away from Howard’s, he smiles at me *less than 12 hours ago you were ready to bury your tongue into my throat, now you’re staying in front of me like we’re best buddies. I should have learned my lesson by now*, I smile back *ice queen, that’s what I am*. Daniel is basically standing on my feet. I take my time “so you’ve almost wan” walking between them, like I’m a general inspecting imaginary troops “you need to be really still, very, tremendously and extremely still to win this game” Howard doesn’t move but says “cut the crap, you’re doomed, kneel in front of the ruler”
“What about me? I could win too uncle Howard”
“Of course you could Daniel, but I won’t let you, I’m bigger and my legs are longer, you don’t stand a chance shorty”.
I laugh. “If you move you’re out”
“I’m not moving I’m talking” but I look behind his back, my expressions changes “Gracie is everything fine?” Howard put his foot on the ground and turns to see what happened.
“And you’re OOOOUUUUUTTTTTT” I yell jumping. “You’re out, out, oouuuttttt. Let’s go on with the game”
He looks at me, hands on his hips “that’s unfair, you cheated!”“Don’t know what you’re talking about, I just asked Gracie if she was ok. You cannot blame me for being a controlling parent”
He stomps his foot on the ground “Gaz tell her it’s not fair”
“You know the rules. You moved, besides little Barlow is going to win”
“Howard I’m telling you for the last time, go take a seat, you’re out” *or we could just cut the acting and go to my room*
“I’m gonna tell Dawn!”
He’s not paying any attention to me, *where’s last night Howard? The one who wanted me so bad?*
“Daddy let us play”
“You too? Fine, if you don’t want me I don’t want you. I’ll go play inside to a better, funnier game”
“Bye”
“Bye”
“Bye”
“Bye”
“Bye” we all say and wave.
I get up, making sure I don’t wake her up. I find a pair of sweatpants and my ‘Renaissance men do it better’ t-shirt. Head to the bathroom to find Gordon asleep on the floor. *How much did we drink?*
Leave the bathroom and I go splashing my face on the kitchen sink. I place my black dress on a chair and close the door behind me.
I call a cab and I finally get home, they are all still sleeping, *first stop the kitchen, coffee and aspirin, I’ll be as good as new*
“Sort of hoping you’d be back before I left”
I jump, letting my favorite mug fall on the floor where it smashes into million peaces “Howard what the heck! It’s the second time in less than 12 hours you scare the hell out of me! Don’t you have a house?” *I did not even brush my teeth*
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. Let me clean it” he’s kneeling in front of me, trying to pick up all the peaces. My hand moves to touch his hair but I take it back just in time before he turns to look at me “In fact I don’t have a house. I’m redoing the floors in my apartment. It’s taking it forever though. I’m staying with Jason but he had company last night. I didn’t want to be on the way. I spent the night here. I’m so sorry”
“No need to”
He stands up again, throws what was my mug in the garbage and places his hands on my shoulders “I mean it, I’m sorry about last night”
“Apology accepted, let’s not talk about it” *feel like crying*
“It’s not a good period for me, the other day, the phone call, it was my ex” *his ex, not the current one, why don’t I just shoot myself, he’s not even a Type H, he’s just a natural born cheater* “I was supposed to spend the week-end with my daughter; her mother changed her mind at the last minute. We had a long chat last night after I left the restaurant and I’m going to pick my baby up now. We’ll be back by lunch time”
“I’m happy for you”
“I would have never followed you in that restroom if I was in a right state of mind”
*of course, why would you?* My brain is just screaming, *pathetic and delusional* over and over.
“I like you very much, I guess you know it, but the restroom! It’s just so ‘Unfaithful’ don’t you think? Are we ok? We are going to spend a lot of time together, we need to get along”
“Of course we are”
“Great, I’ll go now, see you later”, places a chaste kiss on my forehead and leaves.
The kitchen is empty; I look around me and run to my room. Get into the shower and cry myself to oblivion.
Julie’s mobile rings for a time that is like forever “you better have a good excuse”
“Julie it’s me”
“Why are you crying? What happened?”
“He said he’s sorry”
I can see her struggling to come up with rational sentences “You saw him? Stop crying, I don’t understand what you’re trying to say”
“He said he’s sorry. Have you ever heard of anything more humiliating than that? He regrets following me to the restroom”
“Honey maybe it’s not what he meant”
“I do speak English! I’m a moron, a shipwrecked, lonely, man-proof moron. I went to bed last night thinking he wanted me, you said he wanted me, and this morning, poof, I’m a white pair of jeans in September. Speaking of which, you can keep the dress; I won’t wear it ever again, it’s cursed”
“I’m coming over”
“No, it’s time I wake up the kids”
“You don’t need the bloody job! Come back home and we can talk”
“I need the job, the kids are keeping me together. He kissed my forehead! Do you understand? My bloody forehead! That is the ultimate kiss of death! He should have just shot me! A simple gesture and he downgraded me among the non-datable women. Pathetic!”
“The fact he doesn’t…”
“Don’t say it, because let’s face it, lately no one wants me! They even have sex with men so they won’t have to deal with me. I’m to men what kryptonite is to Superman”
……
“If the world’s fattest twins are married then there is hope for all of us”
I stay there, with my mobile in my hand, while my mind is trying to comprehend her last sentence and tears turn into laughter
*that’s why I called her* “Thanks”“You’re welcome, I’ll call you later”
I wash my face and wake the kids up. We’re all in the kitchen, Emily and Daniel are having their cereal and Dawn is sipping her coffee.
“How was the party last night?”
“The place is plain horrible but the food is unbelievable! Julie was so happy, but I guess we overdid the beverages”
“It was a party! So while you we having a blast the glamorous Barlow couple was watching ‘The little mermaid’ with the offspring. I think it was really sweet of Howard to ask Gary to sing her happy birthday”
“I guess”
“He’s very charming, you don’t know him but he’s as good as gold”
“I guess”
“He had a guilty face when he came back last night”
“I don’t want to talk about it”
“If there was something wrong you would tell me right?”
“Of course I would”
I look outside and open my arms “Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this sun of York! It’s a magnificent morning, let’s go out and play ‘1, 2, 3 stella’!”
“What is it?” Emily asks
“Let’s learn how to say it first, oo-noh, doo-eh, treh, stella!”
“How do we play it?”
“Well Daniel, I am going to stay at the end of the garden, with my back at you and I’ll count oo-noh, doo-eh, treh, stella. When I say stella I turn and you have to freeze, if you move you’re out”
“It’s green light read light” says Daniel
“But in Italian is funnier, especially because we can make up our own rules!”
We start playing and Gary decides to join us. We’re in the middle of the game when Howard comes into the garden with his daughter.
We all great them and Daniel introduces me to Gracie.
“I don’t know what you’re doing but we’re going to join you!” says Howard.
“I don’t know … we’re picky when it comes to Italian games, let me consult with my mates here” we move to the center of the garden and vote.
“It’s your lucky day Doug!” laughs Gary.
I start counting again, and again, Howard and Daniel are getting dangerously close. I go ‘oo-noh, doo-eh, treh, stella!” and I turn, my nose is 2 inches away from Howard’s, he smiles at me *less than 12 hours ago you were ready to bury your tongue into my throat, now you’re staying in front of me like we’re best buddies. I should have learned my lesson by now*, I smile back *ice queen, that’s what I am*. Daniel is basically standing on my feet. I take my time “so you’ve almost wan” walking between them, like I’m a general inspecting imaginary troops “you need to be really still, very, tremendously and extremely still to win this game” Howard doesn’t move but says “cut the crap, you’re doomed, kneel in front of the ruler”
“What about me? I could win too uncle Howard”
“Of course you could Daniel, but I won’t let you, I’m bigger and my legs are longer, you don’t stand a chance shorty”.
I laugh. “If you move you’re out”
“I’m not moving I’m talking” but I look behind his back, my expressions changes “Gracie is everything fine?” Howard put his foot on the ground and turns to see what happened.
“And you’re OOOOUUUUUTTTTTT” I yell jumping. “You’re out, out, oouuuttttt. Let’s go on with the game”
He looks at me, hands on his hips “that’s unfair, you cheated!”“Don’t know what you’re talking about, I just asked Gracie if she was ok. You cannot blame me for being a controlling parent”
He stomps his foot on the ground “Gaz tell her it’s not fair”
“You know the rules. You moved, besides little Barlow is going to win”
“Howard I’m telling you for the last time, go take a seat, you’re out” *or we could just cut the acting and go to my room*
“I’m gonna tell Dawn!”
He’s not paying any attention to me, *where’s last night Howard? The one who wanted me so bad?*
“Daddy let us play”
“You too? Fine, if you don’t want me I don’t want you. I’ll go play inside to a better, funnier game”
“Bye”
“Bye”
“Bye”
“Bye”
“Bye” we all say and wave.
SPARKS 9
No need to ask, the restroom is always at the end of the hall, on the right.
A horrified shiver down my spine *not a fake Colossus of Rhodes framing the loo door, it should be illegal* I smile thinking what father would say. The room is empty; I open the door of one of the restrooms and enter. I’m about to close it behind me when I feel a hand gently pushing me inside and I hear the door lock. I’m about to scream when another hand covers my mouth “It’s me” he whispers in my ear “don’t worry”. I feel his body gently pressing against mine. Even the faintest contact leaves a trail of goose bumps on my skin.
I turn around “you scared me! Get out” – not looking into his eyes
“You don’t really mean it” - killer look
“Why are you doing this?” - trying to keep his hands off my body
"I like watching you," confesses in his deep voice "you drive me crazy. You and your stupid PJ. Do you have any idea what effect you have on me?” He’s blocking the door with his body
I somehow find myself at a loss for words *need to think*
“Let me out” – whisper - *need to have a more commanding tone*
“No” - smiles at me. And I realize I have never seen him smile like that before. This isn't a smile of joy or happiness; it’s the snarl of a hungry beast. He doesn’t say a word, but steps towards me. I back up until I bump into the wall and can go no further. I look up at him and he seems even taller than he really is.
“I mean it … let me go …”
And he suddenly drags me to him, burying his face into my neck and kissing and licking it roughly. I try to struggle against him, and against my emotions, but I’m creating less and less resistance. He is nibble my ear now. My arms are lost in the air. Half of me just want to have rough, mind blowing sex with him in a public restroom, the other half reminds me it’s the worst mistake I could do. His hands are going up my dress, his thumbs caressing my breasts. Looks at me, I feel him breathing over my lips, I open them, inviting him in.
BANG! And we both jump. BANG! again. “Open this damn door now or I swear to God I’m going to scream so loud they’ll hear me all the way to Scotland”
“Shit, Julie” I whisper
His hands still on my breasts, “ignore her, she’ll go away. I want to kiss you now” he whispers in a very sexy voice.
“You don’t know her, she’s not giving up”
BANG! “OPEN the door! NOW”
I move Howard on the side and do as she asks; I keep my eyes down “hi mom.”
She grabs my arm “are you out of your mind? What about our little chat, and all you bloody rules?” she kisses my forehead “you go back to the table, and start drinking, I expect you to be totally drunk by the time I get back. You” and she’s talking at him now “on the other hand stay right here. We need to have a little chat”
“I might need a minute in here” he’s still behind the door
“Don’t worry about me, I’m not easily impressed. Come out”
I go back to the table and have a glass of wine.
Julie is standing in front of him, hands on her hips “what were you thinking? Following her in a public restroom! I bet she was about to fall for you, wasn’t she? If she was her real self she would laugh at you. She’s so out of your league! In a restroom! You’re beyond being basic you know? She’s really vulnerable at the moment and you’re too dangerous and too close to her.” She’s thinking what to do; sighs and continues “I’m going to tell you something very private. If you ever say it to another living soul I will track you down and skin you alive. Nod so I know you understand what I’m telling you”
He does it
“Good. She’s playing cool but the whole Paolo and Josh think is killing her. She feels it’s her fault. She doesn’t understand how she could not see it coming. They were together for two years. She thinks if she had been more feminine, more passionate, more something else they would be married by now. She’s blaming herself and she desperately needs to be desired and you walk her path, blue eyes, body and everything” She presses her index finger to his chest “read my lips, stay away from her. Be a decent man and leave”
Julie comes back to the table like nothing happened and I see Howard heading toward the exit “spoilsport”
“You’ll thank me tomorrow”
“I don’t think so”
Julie, Gordon and I share a cab back to the apartment. She opens the door and put her keys on a little table.
“Coming to bed Julie?”
“I need to have a little chat with Bea and I’ll be right with you”
“No you won’t, I know you”
“You can take a shower and I’ll be in bed by the time you’re done” “Promise?”
“Promise” and blows him a kiss
“Night Bea”
“Sweet dreams Go”
We walk into my bedroom, take off our shoes and stretch out on the bed, sharing the same pillow.
“So”
“So”
“Did you kiss him?”
“I was about to. But you banged the damn door. You should have seen his face. I thought he was going to have a heart attack” and I laugh.
“You were in there for quite sometime, what did you do?”
“I could have kissed him, I haven’t kissed a man in so long. What if I don’t remember how to do it? That would be unfortunate … he kissed my neck, and my ear… he has a nice touch’
“Maybe is the piano, he plays the piano, he knows how to use his fingers” laughs and tickles me
“NOT helping”
“I did the only responsible thing to do”
“I know, do you think he likes me? A little at least?”
“If it wasn’t for me he would have shagged you in a public restroom. What do you think?”
“That you should mind your own business”
“Never”
“Ever”
“I’m drunk”
“Me too”
“Can I borrow your dress? I have dinner with Gordon’s parents next week”
“It won’t fit; your butt is the size of Ireland”
“It’s not”
“Let me see” and I roll her on her side and back “maybe not, but little Paddy from Dublin says hi”
“Screw you”
“Can I? Really? Do you think it’s too late to call him?”
“Who? McHorny?”
And we burst into a fit of laughter
“Gordon is taking a very long shower”
“Maybe he felt asleep”
“Should we check on him?”
“He can swim”
And we fall asleep.
A horrified shiver down my spine *not a fake Colossus of Rhodes framing the loo door, it should be illegal* I smile thinking what father would say. The room is empty; I open the door of one of the restrooms and enter. I’m about to close it behind me when I feel a hand gently pushing me inside and I hear the door lock. I’m about to scream when another hand covers my mouth “It’s me” he whispers in my ear “don’t worry”. I feel his body gently pressing against mine. Even the faintest contact leaves a trail of goose bumps on my skin.
I turn around “you scared me! Get out” – not looking into his eyes
“You don’t really mean it” - killer look
“Why are you doing this?” - trying to keep his hands off my body
"I like watching you," confesses in his deep voice "you drive me crazy. You and your stupid PJ. Do you have any idea what effect you have on me?” He’s blocking the door with his body
I somehow find myself at a loss for words *need to think*
“Let me out” – whisper - *need to have a more commanding tone*
“No” - smiles at me. And I realize I have never seen him smile like that before. This isn't a smile of joy or happiness; it’s the snarl of a hungry beast. He doesn’t say a word, but steps towards me. I back up until I bump into the wall and can go no further. I look up at him and he seems even taller than he really is.
“I mean it … let me go …”
And he suddenly drags me to him, burying his face into my neck and kissing and licking it roughly. I try to struggle against him, and against my emotions, but I’m creating less and less resistance. He is nibble my ear now. My arms are lost in the air. Half of me just want to have rough, mind blowing sex with him in a public restroom, the other half reminds me it’s the worst mistake I could do. His hands are going up my dress, his thumbs caressing my breasts. Looks at me, I feel him breathing over my lips, I open them, inviting him in.
BANG! And we both jump. BANG! again. “Open this damn door now or I swear to God I’m going to scream so loud they’ll hear me all the way to Scotland”
“Shit, Julie” I whisper
His hands still on my breasts, “ignore her, she’ll go away. I want to kiss you now” he whispers in a very sexy voice.
“You don’t know her, she’s not giving up”
BANG! “OPEN the door! NOW”
I move Howard on the side and do as she asks; I keep my eyes down “hi mom.”
She grabs my arm “are you out of your mind? What about our little chat, and all you bloody rules?” she kisses my forehead “you go back to the table, and start drinking, I expect you to be totally drunk by the time I get back. You” and she’s talking at him now “on the other hand stay right here. We need to have a little chat”
“I might need a minute in here” he’s still behind the door
“Don’t worry about me, I’m not easily impressed. Come out”
I go back to the table and have a glass of wine.
Julie is standing in front of him, hands on her hips “what were you thinking? Following her in a public restroom! I bet she was about to fall for you, wasn’t she? If she was her real self she would laugh at you. She’s so out of your league! In a restroom! You’re beyond being basic you know? She’s really vulnerable at the moment and you’re too dangerous and too close to her.” She’s thinking what to do; sighs and continues “I’m going to tell you something very private. If you ever say it to another living soul I will track you down and skin you alive. Nod so I know you understand what I’m telling you”
He does it
“Good. She’s playing cool but the whole Paolo and Josh think is killing her. She feels it’s her fault. She doesn’t understand how she could not see it coming. They were together for two years. She thinks if she had been more feminine, more passionate, more something else they would be married by now. She’s blaming herself and she desperately needs to be desired and you walk her path, blue eyes, body and everything” She presses her index finger to his chest “read my lips, stay away from her. Be a decent man and leave”
Julie comes back to the table like nothing happened and I see Howard heading toward the exit “spoilsport”
“You’ll thank me tomorrow”
“I don’t think so”
Julie, Gordon and I share a cab back to the apartment. She opens the door and put her keys on a little table.
“Coming to bed Julie?”
“I need to have a little chat with Bea and I’ll be right with you”
“No you won’t, I know you”
“You can take a shower and I’ll be in bed by the time you’re done” “Promise?”
“Promise” and blows him a kiss
“Night Bea”
“Sweet dreams Go”
We walk into my bedroom, take off our shoes and stretch out on the bed, sharing the same pillow.
“So”
“So”
“Did you kiss him?”
“I was about to. But you banged the damn door. You should have seen his face. I thought he was going to have a heart attack” and I laugh.
“You were in there for quite sometime, what did you do?”
“I could have kissed him, I haven’t kissed a man in so long. What if I don’t remember how to do it? That would be unfortunate … he kissed my neck, and my ear… he has a nice touch’
“Maybe is the piano, he plays the piano, he knows how to use his fingers” laughs and tickles me
“NOT helping”
“I did the only responsible thing to do”
“I know, do you think he likes me? A little at least?”
“If it wasn’t for me he would have shagged you in a public restroom. What do you think?”
“That you should mind your own business”
“Never”
“Ever”
“I’m drunk”
“Me too”
“Can I borrow your dress? I have dinner with Gordon’s parents next week”
“It won’t fit; your butt is the size of Ireland”
“It’s not”
“Let me see” and I roll her on her side and back “maybe not, but little Paddy from Dublin says hi”
“Screw you”
“Can I? Really? Do you think it’s too late to call him?”
“Who? McHorny?”
And we burst into a fit of laughter
“Gordon is taking a very long shower”
“Maybe he felt asleep”
“Should we check on him?”
“He can swim”
And we fall asleep.
martedì 10 luglio 2007
SPARKS 8
The waiter brings us the menu and a bottle of very expensive French champagne.
“We didn’t order it” Julie says
“It’s from Mr. Donald, he wishes you happy birthday”
“How sweet… isn’t it the sweetest thing a man can do for you, I mean EVER?” and giggle and waves at him using her fingers only.
“Don’t mind me honey” Gordon says
Tricia laughs, “You don’t even know him, why would he send you a bottle of Taittinger’ looks at the bottle “2000, one of the best years for champagne” checks the wine list “150 pounds! 150 pounds! Oh god! Why would he do it?”
Julie makes a crazy-doctor face “because he saw me walking by his table and felt madly in love with me. I might use him for sex for a while and then just dump him and run away with Gary. Well, I might use him for sex a little longer than a ‘while’. Or ..” and she smirks at me “he’s a smart man and knows I’m on duty. He wants to be nice so I will …”
I kick her leg under the table; she gets it and says “so I will buy more TT records”.
“She’s drunk already, don’t mind her” Gordon add.
“Should we taste this very expensive nectar?” and Julie starts pouring it when she turns pale. “Here he comes” and swallows hard. “I’m about to officially meet one of the fantastic four, the most incredible men on hearth, the finest sons of England”
“Again, don’t mind me” Gordon is just hopeless at this point
“Happy Birthday Julie, I’m Howard”
…..
“Julie?”
“You said my name ….twice”
“Happy birthday, I hope you like French champagne, I didn’t have time to get you a proper present”
“a present … for me?” and giggles
“Julie, enough. Howard thanks for the champagne” I say
“You’re welcome” and looks into my eyes and I’m melting “Bea you look gorgeous”
“Bea va tutto bene? Sembri un po pallida. Vuoi che usciamo a prendere un po’ d’aria?” Antonio asks
“Doesn’t he know we speak English in this country?” he talks about Antonio but keep on looking at me.
“Yes he does, but we always speak Italian to each other”
Howard grunts
“Non posso crederci, esistono ancora uomini cosi? Pensavo si fossero estinti nel mesozoico”
“Anche io”
“What did he say?”
“I said I didn’t know men like you are still around. I really thought you became extinct back in the Mesozoic era. And she agreed with me”
“Really” and he is looking at him now.
“Well, I guess we started off with the wrong foot. So Howard thanks again for the champagne, Julie obviously loved it. I guess your friends are missing you already and we have a party to celebrate”
“Right, maybe it is better. Julie, come to the rehearsing studio, anytime you want. If she doesn’t take you, come by yourself, I’ll have a pass ready for you at the door.”
“..thanks….” can’t stop giggles apparently, she’s all flashed “this is my best birthday ever”
“You’re welcome” takes her hand and kisses it. “You’re the loveliest birthday girl I have ever seen” *He’s a damn pro*
We drink the champagne and order some more wine and food. Conversation goes back to the old days, when I met Julie at a seminar in Paris and we started building our little circle of friends. Still close, after 10 years.
“Do you remember when we decided to go on a road trip to Mexico?” Tricia asks
“Yes! And Julie decided it would be adventurous to ride a public bus to Puerto Escondido and she had to seat close to the old man going to the market selling his chickens!” I add
“Not the chicken story again” moans Julian, “I’ve heard it so many times I feel I should be in your pictures. We need more wine!”
Julie drinks and gives me a playful look “enemy’s approaching, holding a very dangerous weapon, I believe it’s called mobile phone”
Howard walks to her “I’m sorry to bother you again Julie, but there’s someone who would like to wish happy birthday” and hands her the phone. She takes it to her ear and her face changes colors, from red, to purple to green and now it’s zombie white “... thanks .... thanks ... thanks ... sure ...” she gives it back to Howard. “Gary freaking Barlow just wished me happy birthday! I can die happy now, I don’t care. That’s all I ever wanted in life”
“You’re pissing me off love” Gordon says
“You’re my real life love, he’s in my dream world. You have nothing to fear Gordon”. We all laugh and she looks at Howard “thank you so much, it was a lovely thought; I wonder why my best friend didn’t think of it!”
“Because no matter what certain people think of me I’m considerate and really sweet”
“Have a sit, we’re about to make another toast”
I kick her again only she’s drunk too much to keep her big mouth shout “Stop it Bea, I’m wearing a mini-skirt, I’ll be all bruised by the end of the evening.” Howard pretends to not hear. She pours him a glass of white wine and while she hands it to him gets closer and whispers “I’m not stupid, you make a pass at her and I will cut off you little friend down there”
He smiles back “I’m glad you like me”
We make the toast and Howard gets back to his table. She looks at me “See? A sheep in a wolf’s clothing. I can tame any man, no matter how horny they are. My power over them is absolute. I rule!”
After few more drinks I excuse myself and head to the restroom. They are all chatting, Julie is telling Tricia all about her wedding dress and they don’t really mind me.
“It took us forever to find it, by the third shop Bea was ready to jump in front of a bus but when we went into Armani and they showed it to me I knew it was the one” she looks around her “where’s Bea?”
“Pee-stop” Julian says
“Ah ... it’s white, with little flowers on the sleeves …. I’m thinking daisies for the church …you should see the place we booked up in Scotland …” she talks but her mind is wondering on its own and all of the sudden it strikes her. Turns toward Howard’s table, his chair is empty. “Son of a bitch!”
“We didn’t order it” Julie says
“It’s from Mr. Donald, he wishes you happy birthday”
“How sweet… isn’t it the sweetest thing a man can do for you, I mean EVER?” and giggle and waves at him using her fingers only.
“Don’t mind me honey” Gordon says
Tricia laughs, “You don’t even know him, why would he send you a bottle of Taittinger’ looks at the bottle “2000, one of the best years for champagne” checks the wine list “150 pounds! 150 pounds! Oh god! Why would he do it?”
Julie makes a crazy-doctor face “because he saw me walking by his table and felt madly in love with me. I might use him for sex for a while and then just dump him and run away with Gary. Well, I might use him for sex a little longer than a ‘while’. Or ..” and she smirks at me “he’s a smart man and knows I’m on duty. He wants to be nice so I will …”
I kick her leg under the table; she gets it and says “so I will buy more TT records”.
“She’s drunk already, don’t mind her” Gordon add.
“Should we taste this very expensive nectar?” and Julie starts pouring it when she turns pale. “Here he comes” and swallows hard. “I’m about to officially meet one of the fantastic four, the most incredible men on hearth, the finest sons of England”
“Again, don’t mind me” Gordon is just hopeless at this point
“Happy Birthday Julie, I’m Howard”
…..
“Julie?”
“You said my name ….twice”
“Happy birthday, I hope you like French champagne, I didn’t have time to get you a proper present”
“a present … for me?” and giggles
“Julie, enough. Howard thanks for the champagne” I say
“You’re welcome” and looks into my eyes and I’m melting “Bea you look gorgeous”
“Bea va tutto bene? Sembri un po pallida. Vuoi che usciamo a prendere un po’ d’aria?” Antonio asks
“Doesn’t he know we speak English in this country?” he talks about Antonio but keep on looking at me.
“Yes he does, but we always speak Italian to each other”
Howard grunts
“Non posso crederci, esistono ancora uomini cosi? Pensavo si fossero estinti nel mesozoico”
“Anche io”
“What did he say?”
“I said I didn’t know men like you are still around. I really thought you became extinct back in the Mesozoic era. And she agreed with me”
“Really” and he is looking at him now.
“Well, I guess we started off with the wrong foot. So Howard thanks again for the champagne, Julie obviously loved it. I guess your friends are missing you already and we have a party to celebrate”
“Right, maybe it is better. Julie, come to the rehearsing studio, anytime you want. If she doesn’t take you, come by yourself, I’ll have a pass ready for you at the door.”
“..thanks….” can’t stop giggles apparently, she’s all flashed “this is my best birthday ever”
“You’re welcome” takes her hand and kisses it. “You’re the loveliest birthday girl I have ever seen” *He’s a damn pro*
We drink the champagne and order some more wine and food. Conversation goes back to the old days, when I met Julie at a seminar in Paris and we started building our little circle of friends. Still close, after 10 years.
“Do you remember when we decided to go on a road trip to Mexico?” Tricia asks
“Yes! And Julie decided it would be adventurous to ride a public bus to Puerto Escondido and she had to seat close to the old man going to the market selling his chickens!” I add
“Not the chicken story again” moans Julian, “I’ve heard it so many times I feel I should be in your pictures. We need more wine!”
Julie drinks and gives me a playful look “enemy’s approaching, holding a very dangerous weapon, I believe it’s called mobile phone”
Howard walks to her “I’m sorry to bother you again Julie, but there’s someone who would like to wish happy birthday” and hands her the phone. She takes it to her ear and her face changes colors, from red, to purple to green and now it’s zombie white “... thanks .... thanks ... thanks ... sure ...” she gives it back to Howard. “Gary freaking Barlow just wished me happy birthday! I can die happy now, I don’t care. That’s all I ever wanted in life”
“You’re pissing me off love” Gordon says
“You’re my real life love, he’s in my dream world. You have nothing to fear Gordon”. We all laugh and she looks at Howard “thank you so much, it was a lovely thought; I wonder why my best friend didn’t think of it!”
“Because no matter what certain people think of me I’m considerate and really sweet”
“Have a sit, we’re about to make another toast”
I kick her again only she’s drunk too much to keep her big mouth shout “Stop it Bea, I’m wearing a mini-skirt, I’ll be all bruised by the end of the evening.” Howard pretends to not hear. She pours him a glass of white wine and while she hands it to him gets closer and whispers “I’m not stupid, you make a pass at her and I will cut off you little friend down there”
He smiles back “I’m glad you like me”
We make the toast and Howard gets back to his table. She looks at me “See? A sheep in a wolf’s clothing. I can tame any man, no matter how horny they are. My power over them is absolute. I rule!”
After few more drinks I excuse myself and head to the restroom. They are all chatting, Julie is telling Tricia all about her wedding dress and they don’t really mind me.
“It took us forever to find it, by the third shop Bea was ready to jump in front of a bus but when we went into Armani and they showed it to me I knew it was the one” she looks around her “where’s Bea?”
“Pee-stop” Julian says
“Ah ... it’s white, with little flowers on the sleeves …. I’m thinking daisies for the church …you should see the place we booked up in Scotland …” she talks but her mind is wondering on its own and all of the sudden it strikes her. Turns toward Howard’s table, his chair is empty. “Son of a bitch!”
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