NOBODY 20

It’s almost 6 when I can finally get back to my office and grab my handbag. “I’m going, see you tomorrow”
“Emilia wait, I have tons of messages for you”
“They can wait until tomorrow, now it’s play time!”
She goes through the different notes she took following me to the elevator.
“There’s one from Emily, she said it was very important”
“I’ll call her later. Last time it was important she couldn’t decide what to wear on her first date with Mark. I’ll call her on my way to see someone. I have a date!”
“Have fun and see you tomorrow, does he have a brother?” she says while the elevator doors close.

I start walking towards Robbie’s hotel and while window shopping I switch my mobile on. It flashes like a Christmas tree.
*12 missed calls in 2 hours. I’m a popular girl. Emily, Emily, Emily, Emily, Emily, Emily, Emily, Dawn, Dawn, Tricia, Robbie, Robbie – Sorry ladies, Mr. Delicious comes first today*
I dial his number, “Hello Professor Williams I’m on my way, you better be ready to give me a proper welcome”
….
“Robbie?”
“I’m on my way back to the hotel now”
“Robbie I can barely hear you”
“Because I can barely speak”
“What happened?” I’m worried now
“8 stitches on my forehead, four on my left cheek, a split lip, two broken ribs, a black eye, numberless bruises and cuts and a dislocated shoulder, we don’t know what’s wrong with my jaw yet”
I freeze in the middle of the street “Did you have an accident? What happened? Why didn’t you call me?”
“I tried … Howard says hi. Ouch. We had a heck of a reunion, believe me”
“Oh no” my handbag falls from my shoulder and I bring my hand to my head
“It’s not your fault, I told Mark and he told him”
“I’ll be right there”. I jump into a taxi “To the Ritz hotel please”. My mind is blank. I can only think *Howard and Robbie, Robbie and Howard. And me in the middle – not literally* It’s the taxi driver who takes me back to reality “Here we are. It’s 8.50 madam”
…
“Madam? Are you alright?”
“Yes I am…. I’ve changed my mind; I need to go somewhere else before”.
The taxi stops in front of Howard’s house. “Just wait for me here please”
I walk, very slowly towards the door. I ring the bell. A female voice answers from the inside “Who is it?”
I swallow, trying to collect my thoughts “I’m Mrs. Donald, open up”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Donald gave me clear orders. You cannot come in. Antigone is upstairs. She is fine. But you cannot come in.” she repeats, I can tell she’s scared, it must be hard, first day on the job and she finds herself in the middle of a bloody war.
“That’s fine, where is Howard?”
“I don’t know, I’m sorry, he was so mad, so mad”
I run back to the taxi, “where to?”
*must think, must think, where can he be?* I give the taxi driver four different addresses but Howard is nowhere to be found. And I don’t want to call anyone. This is between us.
“Madam, we’ve been going in circles for the past hour, is there anywhere I should take you now? You look like you need to rest”
I’m a wreck. “Home, I need to go home and think”.
Once we get there I see his car parked in front of it.
I rush to the door, it’s wide open. I step in and start yelling “Howard? Howard where are you? It’s me.”
No answer, I hear noises coming from upstairs I go up, one step at the time, holding on to the banister.
The lights in Antigone’s bedroom are on. I open the door. He’s there, with his back at me, busy throwing her stuff inside a large bag.
“Howard”…. He does not acknowledge my presence. “Howard … please … what are you doing?”
He doesn’t turn, “I signed the papers, they’re downstairs, every bloody page but the last one. I’ll fight for custody. There’s no way in hell I’m letting my daughter live with you. You are crazy bitch. So she’s moving out. I’m taking some of her stuff now and the rest tomorrow”. He pushes a last sweater in the bag, her pink one. It has little flowers embroidered on the front. She loves it so much. He closes the bag and throws it over is shoulder. He keeps his head down and marches toward the door. I stop him placing my hand over his chest “Don’t touch me, I warn you. Right now I’m just fighting the urge to hurt you. Physically I mean. I’ve never hated anyone the way I hate you now. Get out of my way”
“No” and I don’t know what else to say, my attention is focusing on my hands. Every single inch of them touches him. I can hear his heart beating fast. And I see his knuckles, all bruised. I try to touch them but he pushes my hand away “Don’t worry about me… Of course you don’t. Who am I kidding? … It was worth every minute. You should have seen his face when he saw me at his door. I bet he thought it was you. That would explain why he was naked. You know, NOBODY expects the Spanish inquisition. My chief weapon was surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise. Especially fear. Useless sod. He managed to call for help when he was lying on the floor and I started kicking him. Too late. By then he was already kissing his upcoming tour goodbye. He’s lucky I didn’t kill him. But I thought the two of you deserve each other. I’ll just wait for the moment you wake up and realize what you did. Welcome to hell.” And he pushes me on the side leaving the room.
“Howard don’t leave like that, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You mean so much to me”
He freezes and let the bag fall on the floor. Turns around, I see no emotion.
“You have no right to talk to me like that. What you did to me has no excuse. You tricked me. You somewhat lost all the love you used to feel for me and you never showed it. You are good. You made love to me only few days ago and now you’re standing in front of me pretending to care, to know what I feel. You have no right! No right! You’ve built that big wall around you, adding new bricks everyday and I am tired of trying to climb it. You made it. Congratulations. I’m letting you go. I will no longer fight for us. Go and live. He’s waiting for you. You’ll be miserable ever after. But there’s no way in hell I will let you take my daughter away from me ever again.”
“She’s my daughter too”
“And where were you when she cried herself to sleep after James died? Calling for her mother. Fearing you would never come back?”
“Don’t say his name”
“He was my son too! He’s not a ghost; he has a name, and had chubby cheeks and brown hair. Do you realize you have never asked me how I feel? Not once? I lost a child too”
“You did not lose him, you killed him” I can’t believe I’ve just said that.
That is the final blow; he’s so pale “you said it. It must have been hard keeping it all inside for so long.” I run to him trying to touch him but he pushes me away “you’re right, I killed him. Someone had to make a choice that night and I did. Because I knew I couldn’t live without you. I sacrificed my son for you and you do that.” Contempt in his voice, contempt in his eyes. “You let Robbie shag you like you’re some groupie on heat. James was mine too”
He slides down the wall and puts his head down on his knees. I seat down next to him, running my fingers through his hair. He scoots away, causing my hand to fall and hit my thigh.