I’m standing in front of the door of Jo’s house. I rang the bell three times already. I’m shifting my weight from one foot to another, holding two large shopping bags.
She finally opens the door and stares at me.
“Hello. Are you moving back in with us?”
“No thanks, I know better than starting a brand new bird food war against your tango man” and I walk in.
“Don’t call him that”
“Fine, Jason…”
“So what’s with all those bags?”
“I need your fashion expertise”
She laughs “I’ll just pretend I believe you” and crosses her arms.
“That’s very good of you. Were you working?”
“Yes. I have a big project due in a couple of days and I’m really behind”
“I hope you’re not talking to me because I’m not getting any hint. I need you”
She rolls her eyes “fine… let’s go to the bedroom”
She sits on a chair while I lean all my outfits on her bed.
We both stare at them. “So Jo, what do you think? Option number 1. My purple and blue dress. Casual but classy, generous cleavage, men love cleavage. Option number 2. Black pants with pearl grey shirt. Armani, an all time classic, maybe too serious. Option number 3. Jeans and light blue cachemire jumper. Casual and fun”
“Fun? Who are you a devil wearing Prada? Clothes cannot be funny”
“Shut up. Last but not least. Option number 4. My lucky skirt with my even luckier shirt. Elegant and…”
“Lucky I guess”
“I said shut up Jo”
She laughs “so why am I here?”
“Beside the fact it’s your own home? I need to know which one I should wear”
“I need to know what sort of message you wish to convey” and drinks some water out of a bottle.
I place my finger on my chin “let me think, how I can I put it in a nice way…I got it. Let’s just pretend you’re Howard”
“I’ll need a lisp then”
“and tons of sex appeal too”
She throws a pillow to me “cow”
“You’re welcome” and I duck
“So… I’m Howard. I’m standing right in front of you and I’m trying to remember why I still put up with you”
“You are so funny”
“What are you trying to tell me love? It must be important, you’re wearing a dedicated outfit – no it doesn’t sound like him, I don’t think he knows what dedicated means”
“Jo!” I pout
“Fine, you win, surprise me”
“What’s the outfit that doesn’t exactly screams ‘hi babe, I’m your passionate Italian lover who’s not trying to trap you into a marriage with an unplanned pregnancy’?”
She stares at me.
“Jo? Are you there?”
“What did you just say?”
“Are you there?”
“Before then, and if you say Jo I’m going to scream”
I bite my lip “I’m pregnant…”
She walks to me and hug me “that’s great news!”
“No it’s not. You know him. You’ve heard him, he doesn’t want to have children. He can go on and on and on about how boring kids and couple with kids are. Let me tell you, he won’t be head over hills when I tell him. And I don’t even know if you should do it”
“He needs to know”
“What for? To hear him say he knew it would happen sooner or later? That I got pregnant to trap him? I don’t think I can bear it, and I’m truly hormonal. I could kill him if he does”
“He would never say that. He loves you, and it’s his child you’re expecting”
“I know you’re right but…and it’s all your fault!”
“Mine?”
“Your wild hen night, the island, the alcohol, the stupid games. I got so drunk … got back to my room and he was sleeping, spreadeagle on the bed stark naked…”
“spare me…”
“So what should I wear? Who am I kidding? I know he’ll be disappointed and I know I’ll have to terminate this pregnancy.”
“maybe not”
I look at her “you don’t need to lie to me…”
“maybe he’ll change his mind”
“maybe hell will freeze”
“Belgian Chocolate?”
“Yes please”
When I get back home it’s almost dinner time, I carefully open the door hoping I’ll be able to tiptoe up to bedroom but the moment I get a foot inside Howard’s head come up from the kitchen.
He looks gorgeous, as usual, and he’s smiling “there you are”
“Ciao Dougielicous”
“Come here, need proper greeting…” he sees my bags “have you been shopping?”
“I wish… just dry-cleaning stuff”
“All afternoon?” and raises his eyebrow
“No, I went to see Jo, needed her advice”
“Anything I couldn’t help you with?”
*think babe think* “I don’t think so…I’m writing a paper on cultural taboos and I’m currently working on the implication of incestuous relationships in medieval society. You know, boring stuff, and I wanted to know Jo’s opinion whether sex between people related by adoption can be considered incest. What do you think?”
“Woody Allen and Soon-Yi style you mean?”
“You are a genius! That’s what I meant”
“Did Jo help you out? ‘Cause maybe you could call my sister…”
“I don’t want to bother her. I think I’m almost done with the bibliography I need…anyway! It smells good, what are you cooking?”
He walks to me and places his hands around my waste “you can taste me”
I smile and I kiss him, while our tongues are playing the only thing I can think of is the ultimate evil *cilantro*. I try to keep my upset stomach under control.
“Guacamole..” I tell him
“We have our winner” and kisses me again. “You’ve been eating very little lately. How much weight have you lost in the past two weeks?”
“None and I eat”
“Ice-cream cannot be considered a real food. So I decided to make you your favorite dishes, we have all sorts of Mexican food tonight.”
*more spices…oh God*
“Now go upstairs, get changed and I’ll be waiting for you in my kingdom” and gently smack my butt.
I smile and head upstairs. I step into the restroom and swallow a couple of vitamin B6 pills hoping they’ll help me to keep the next meal down. I look at myself in the mirror, Howard’s right, I’ve lost weight, probably due to the fact I do nothing but throwing up. “You need to tell him ~ I Know ~ So what are you waiting for?”
“Stop talking to yourself and bring your ass down here!” he yells from downstairs
*Fuck* “What did you hear?” I yell back
He laughs “nothing but I know your routine by heart love”
*asshole, you almost gave me a heart attack*
I walk into the kitchen and he’s standing at the stove just finishing the last preparation for the stir fry. He turns off the burner and welcomes me with his gorgeous smile. “Come here” he whispers
I slide my thumb between his belt and his jeans “I missed you today”
“Me too, would care helping me out?”
I nod and he positions me between him and the counter. His chest leaning on my back, his mouth on my ear.
*can’t have this baby if he doesn’t want me to, just can’t leave without him*
“We’ll need to chop some veggie now, do you think you can do it or you want me to show it to you first?”
I smile to myself, one year together and still he isn’t tired of playing games.
“Please How, can you show me?”
“It’s going to cost you” he whispers with his husky voice
“I have money”
“There’re things money can’t buy” and his body is melting with mine, I can feel his erection pressing against my leg
“I guess we can arrange that” and I rock back against him.
He takes my hand into his as we hold a knife “so, you pick the sweet pepper and you cut it like that”. As soon as he’s finished cutting it I can smell it and I know very well there’s no fighting nature. I push Howard back and run to the restroom covering my mouth with my hand. I hardly make it to the toilet. I flush and Howard is staring at me, standing by the doorframe “enough. We’re seeing a doctor, now”
I brush my teeth and wipe my mouth “no need to, I’m not sick”
“How do you call what just happened?”
“Pregnancy”. There, I said it and I can almost see the letters floating into the air reaching his ears. His face drops *Howard please*.
“Are you sure?” he asks
“My period is 12 days late”
He doesn’t move “is there any chance you had it and forgot about it?”
I storm out of the restroom “you’re an idiot” I hiss
“Wait, please, it’s just… maybe you’re not pregnant, we should do one of those tests. I’ll run to the pharmacy” he’s already grabbing his car key when I stop him. “I took the test, it agrees with me, WE’re pregnant”
He’s not ready to give up, I know him so well “they can be wrong, let’s go see a doctor, have an ultrasound. We cannot be sure unless we do that too” and smiles faintly.
I sighs, it’s going just as I pictured it would, I reach inside my handbag and hand him a picture “there you go, the gyno at the Hospital off Euston Road sends his congratulation to the happy father” I tell him with a pissed voice.
He stares at it, his hand slightly trembling.
“I know, there’s not much to see. We’re almost 6 weeks pregnant. Sorry to break the news but it’s time you update your denial file. I’m no longer hungry; I’ll be in our bedroom if you need to talk”.
I lie on the bed, all lights are off. I stare at the ceiling for almost half an hour thinking what to do next when the door opens. Howard walks in carrying a plate.
I turn on my side, to face the window “Go away, I don’t want to talk you right now and I’m not hungry”
“You need to eat love. It’s just rice, you should be able to keep it down”
“I don’t want to fight”
“Me neither, there’s no reason to” he places the plate on my bedside table and sit on the bed caressing my hair “did it happen on Necker Island?”
“Yes, and I’m already blaming Jo and Jason for it” I tell him trying to smile “if they had an ordinary wedding like common people do, in a quite charming church in the English countryside none of this would have happened”
“I remember I asked you if you had taken the pill, and you answered yes. You were so drunk…”
“DO YOU THINK I DID IT ON PURPOSE?”
He leans and kisses me “I didn’t say that, and you know better than accusing me of something like that”
I cover my eyes with my hands “shit!”
“Don’t worry. We’re in this together and we’re going to solve the problem together”
I close my eyes *I knew it* “You don’t want it?”
He looks at me like I’ve just asked him to shag Gaz.
He’s still caressing my hair “next week is our anniversary. I made reservation in a 5 star resort in Zanzibar. 10 days. Just me and you and nobody else. That’s how I like it”
“Honey..”
He shuts me up with another slow, loving kiss “don’t you like what we have? Because I’m crazy about it. I don’t like changes”. He tenderly pushes me on my back so to rest his head between my breasts “a baby would ruin everything”
I close my eyes and lock my fingers into his hair. He starts rubbing my side as moves both his legs on the bed to lie on top of me, his knees gently opening my legs. He rests on his elbows brushing his nose against mine.
“Why change what’s perfect? The two of us is perfect. We talk, and we laugh, and the sex is great and I love you…a baby would just mess up what we have. I don’t want to worry about nappies and bottles and I don’t want you to worry about it neither. I want to be free to take you to Paris if I want to, or have sex in the kitchen and hear you screaming without having to bother about a kid who might hear us.”
“It’s our baby, it’s me and you Howard”
“Not now, that’s all I’m asking, we’ll have children eventually but not now. I’m planning on being your number one priority for a little longer” and kisses me.
“Listen to me, we could hire a nanny, an old, toothless and possibly lesbian nanny”
He laughs “one day love, I promise, just not now”
I sigh, “fine, I’ll try to get an appointment to terminate the pregnancy as soon as possible”
“I’m sorry love, I know you’re upset…”
“I was upset when you accidentally erased my hard disk, I was upset when you missed my parents wedding anniversary. This is not upsetting! This is major turning point in our relation Howard, do you understand it?”
“I love you”
“I know, I love you too, maybe you’re right” I try to fight the tears and he sees me, so hugs me tight whispering soft words into my ear. I break from his embrace “I’ll have something to eat now”.
“Good, and I promise we’re going to be so happy in Zanzibar” he does his puppy eyes “and you can focus on me”
The following morning I’m staring at the phone in my office, next to it lays a yellow post it. It reads Friday, 10.00 o’clock, 13th floor. All information I need to terminate my pregnancy.
I call Jo “hello colleague, how are you?”
“I thought you would call me last night. Did you tell him?”
“Yes”
“And?”
“He couldn’t be happier, he’s already thinking about names”
“I told you”
I bang my head on the table “I’m kidding! Are you losing your touch? He was so disappointed. He said not now, eventually but not now”
“Shit, what are you going to do?”
“I’ve an appointment for Friday”
“So you just going to get rid of the baby”
“What do you suggest?”
“What if this is your chance to be a mom? What if you give up on your baby and you break up with Howard in a year or two?”
“You’re my ray of sunshine Jo”
“You just need to understand what you want”
“I was thinking, if I keep the baby I will have to give up on Howard, do you think I can keep the Audi?”
“Why not” she’s not amused
“And I’ll need a place to live…”
She laughs bitterly “You need to make your own decision. This is about you and you only. Fuck! I should have listened to Jay I should have never invited you over for dinner that night”
“But it was fun…” and I smile remembering Jo and Jason discussing about dinner right in front of me.
*Flashback* Jo met Jason while he was taking few classes at uni and ended up being one of her students. They had been dating for a year when I moved to England. Few weeks later we were all at Jason’s house.
‘They need to meet Jason’
‘You don’t know Doug. It’ll be a disaster Jo’
‘He’s single, she’s single and they’re our best friends’
‘He’s not single, he’s a commitment phobic and she’s single because no man would put up with her, it qualifies her as a spinster’
‘She can be charming’
‘Don’t mind me’ I said while sitting on the couch right in front of them, but they ignored me.
‘Maybe…’ he said checking me out ‘and Howard has one twisted mind’
‘There you go’ Jo said ‘dinner will be, tomorrow night’
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