I FELL IN LOVE WITH THE DJ 4

I park my black Audi TT in front of Jason and Jo’s house. It’s only 7 but I’m sure Jay’s up.
I slowly walk up to the door and gently knock. After a few minutes it opens up, Jason is standing in front of me wearing an old t-shirt and sweatpants. “I thought I heard something! What are you doing here so early? Don’t tell we you had one of your fights with Doug hence you come here and he’ll run after you and I’ll end up making breakfast for everyone”
I stand there, biting my lip. He sees my bag.
“Fuck” he hisses and gives me a bear hug “he’s an idiot”.
“Jay I might need a place to stay for a few days”.
“Few days? You’re going nowhere Titti, we have plenty of room”.
“No, really…”
“Shut up!” and kisses my forehead, “let me take you bag, we go inside. I’ll make you a proper breakfast and we’ll talk”

He’s busy putting together the most bizarre combination of ingredients I’ve ever seen “there you go. You taste it and tell me if it isn’t the most delicious thing you’ve ever had”
“No offence, but it looks like vomit Jay”
“Not taken. I’m still working on the presentation, but you know, beauty is only skin deep” and laughs
“I haven’t been able to keep anything down, so if I run to the restroom don’t take it personally”
“It’s going to be fine. I did my homework. This is perfect for morning sickness”
I look at him and he smiles at me, I jump into his arms “congratulations! Oh my god! This is such a great news!”
“We found out yesterday. I practically forced her to do the test and it was positive. Since I have to cook for one pregnant woman I can just cook for two”
“I’m not your responsibility”
“Don’t be silly, and it’s only for a few days. He’ll come back to his senses”
“He cheated on me”
“That’s not true, I guarantee you; I would stake my life on it. Howard sleeping around is part of his past. I’ve spent so much time with him; I know how much he loves you. He has never cheated on you. He wouldn’t do it”
He seems really sure of what he’s saying “if you say so, maybe he’s right, maybe I turned into scary spice…” and I sigh. That’s the moment Jo opens the door to the kitchen and finds us still hugging.
“Nice picture…isn’t a TT member enough? Do you plan to shag your way through all the boy band of the 90s?” she asks me.
I smile “that would be the plan, I just don’t seem to find the blond guy from Westlife, do you know what is he up to now?”
“Weren’t they all blond?”
“No clue” and I laugh “so Jason told me…you should have called me! I had to hear it from him!” and I place my hand on my hips.
“I know, unforgivable” she says
“I am the father!” he pouts
Jo realizes it’s early, it’s Sunday morning and I’m staying in her kitchen “what did he do?” she asks me concerned.
“It’s over” I whisper.
“That half witted moron! You need a license to drive a car but any asshole thinks he can be a father!”
“I guess that’s the whole point, he doesn’t want to be one. We both knew it was going to happen…”

Howard is making some coffee when his mobile rings. “Open the door Doug. I got something for you”
He does it and finds himself standing in front a very much smiling Mark.
“You’re wearing the same clothes you wore last night” Howard says raising his eyebrow.
He gives him a sneaky smile “Amanda and Rachel say hello”.
“Right”.
“Rach found your watch on the restroom floor after you left the club”.
“Who’s Rach?”
“Rachel the blond hot girl you shagged last nigh” and hands him Rolex. “I thought I’d bring it to you before Titti wakes up. That’s also why I didn’t ring the bell. No need to thank me mate”
“I won’t. So I really did it” he says scratching his head “I was really hoping I just imagined it”
“Oh, come on Doug! It was nothing, and Titti doesn’t need to know”
“She’s gone”
“What?”
“Want to come in? Even though I bet the neighbors would just enjoy have a detailed report I’d rather talk to you in private”
They walk into the kitchen “want some coffee Mark?”
“Sure! I’m knackered…those two ladies have some stamina!”
Howard looks at him “did you hear what I just said? She left me”
“And surprisingly the earth still moves and you’re still have alive”
“I love her”
“No, let me correct you, you loved her before the maternal madness possessed her” and pats his shoulder “you’ve been together for a year, now you want different things. It happens. Women are like buses, if you miss one there’s another one coming your direction every few minutes”
“Fuck Mark, you’re one cunning philosopher, no surprise you’re single and miserable”
“I used to be miserable, now, because of you my tall and hot friend I’m so back in the business”
Howard lowers his eyes to look at him “what do you mean?”
“We’re both single now and we’re going to rock the town! Watch out women, the magic duo is back!”
“I don’t want to think about dating; maybe I should just run after her”
“Big mistake, you need to forget about her. She made up her mind. You asked her to wait and she decided to have the baby in spite of what you wanted”
Howard seems to be thinking about it “maybe you’re right…”
“I am mate! It’s time for you to get out from this house! We’ll be on tour in a few months, think of all the fun we can have. We could learn a new sport! Something like wave jumping or ice climbing, or skydiving! The whole world is at our feet Howard!”
“I need to get some sleep first” he answers him rubbing his eyes “and I miss her”
“It’s all in your head. Go take a shower, I’ll wait here ad we go out and have a real breakfast somewhere. For no reason you are to remain here alone to sulk into memories…That’s why I’m here. It all happens for a reason! We’re going to have fun! Maybe we should get a tattoo to celebrate”
He sighs “I’m too old for that, let me call Jason to see if she made it there alright”
“I’ll do it, you go get ready”

Half an hour later they’re ready to go out when Mark picks something up from a corner by the door. He stares at my panties “a heck of a goodbye eh mate?”
Howard takes them from his hand giving him a cold look “none of your business Mark”.



The door to my office opens a little and Jo sticks her head inside “ciao! Going for a tea break, want to come?”
I place some essays on my desk “don’t have time, I need to grade this, procrastination is evil”
“Can I get you something then?”
“No, I’m good”
She walks in “Have you heard from Howard yet?”
“Jo, I told you already, stop asking me that. He hasn’t called and he won’t call. I know him. And I appreciate the fact you want to protect me but I have to accept the fact Mark and him are going from club to club shagging every woman who shows some interest. I took my decision. Don’t worry about me”
“I don’t think he’s doing it. I bet he spends every night home alone thinking of you and he’ll be so sorry when he realizes what he lost”
“To tell you the truth I don’t think it’s going to happen. And he does look happy”
“What do you mean? Have you seen him?”
I take the Sun out of a drawer and show it to her “does he looks like he’s drowning his sorrow to you?” and she stares at a picture taken probably with a mobile. Howard drinking and laughing with a girl sitting on his lap.
Jo takes the newspaper in his hands “I didn’t know…I’m so sorry…”
“Don’t be, I knew it would happen. Now go get your tea, and if they have brownies, I guess I could use some chocolate at the moment” I tell her smiling as I push her out. I close the door leaning my head against it “you said you loved me, and it took you 10 miserable days to replace me”. I bite my lip not to cry when my phone rings. I try to pull myself together.
“Hello?” I sigh
“Titti, it’s Sam”
“Samantha…I’m sorry I should have called you but I thought…”
“What the fuck is going on?”
I smile to myself. She so doesn’t like to get straight to the point. “Excuse me?”
“I’m at the airport, waiting for James’ plane to land. I was killing time flipping through garbage press and I see a picture of my brother with another woman. I called him and he babbled something about you moving out 10 days ago. You know him, I guess he just woke up, so I couldn’t make any sense out of what he said. Useless pathetic sod. So I’m asking you, what the fuck is going on?”
“Sam I thought he called you”
“He didn’t. He called no-one. My mother is going to have a heart attack. What happened?”
“To make a long story short, I left him. He doesn’t want the baby, I cannot force him. I’m staying at Jason’s”
“…You move back in and I’ll make sure he collects his shit and lives you alone. You deserve to have the house. You’re expecting his child for heaven’s sake”
“I don’t want his money, I can do this on my own”
“No you can’t, let me tell you. Hold on” and I hear her yelling her daughter’s name “sorry, Caitlin is having a sugar rush. She ate so much junk food this morning. She’s so excited about seeing her father, you should see her”
“How’s James?”
“He’s fine but he’s been traveling so much to promote Atonement we’ve hardly seen him over the past two months. I drove down to London to pick him up. We’re taking Caitlin to Euro Disney for a few days”
“She’s going to love it and give a big hug to both of them”
“Come with us”
“No, I’m not in the mood”
“We would cheer you up and you need my brother, he’s a cheap shit but let me tell you, having a child is not a walk in the park”
“I’m strong, independent and as the cheap shit said, I used to be funny and smart. I can do it on my own, it’s so trendy to be a single mother” and I lightly bang my head on my desk.
“Listen, I let James and Caitlin go ahead, and I’ll stop in London for a couple of days so we can talk”
“No need to, really, Jo and Jason are truly supportive…”
“How can one man be so endlessly disappointing?”
“You know him, that’s his charm”. None of us is laughing though. “I’ll just have to decide where to have this baby”.
“What you mean? We’re sticking to the original plan. You’re coming to Manchester” she says alarmed.
“Plan changed. I’ve applied for a teaching position at Columbia, they have a large Italian studies dept and they need a new history professor. I know almost everyone there and the chair told me the job is 99% mine. I know the three other people who were short-listed; they don’t stand a chance against me. I’m just waiting for the official letter from the dean. I’ll have a two year contract as off next year. And I’ll be on sabbatical in 2 months, I was supposed to follow Howard…shit” and I bite my lip trying to fight the tears.
“The cheap shit you mean” she interrupts me
“I guess… So I have nothing keeping me here, and no-one waiting for me in Italy. Cannot go to New York yet, my health insurance won’t cover my pregnancy related expenses… I feel displaced, pregnant and displaced, no even better, alone, pregnant and displaced”
“You are not alone and New York is on the other side of the ocean. I’m planning to be an auntie. You’re my only hope, my brothers will never settle down”. I guess she’s just realized what she said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean …”
“Don’t worry Sam, I’ll be fine, and you can come visit anytime you want. I’m sure Caitlin will love the big apple”
“My mother will be so disappointed, please just think about it. We love you. Running won’t help you”
“I’m not running, I’m looking for a brand new start, and judging from the picture you saw I have a lot to catch up with. Listen, you need to talk to you mom, tell her I’ll call her as soon as I feel strong enough to face her. Give a hug to my almost niece and… well you know what to do with James”. And I hang up. I switch on the radio, a funny DJ is playing ‘I Try’ by Macy Gray
‘Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But we’re not I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep it cool but I'm fiendin.
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near’
I bury my face into my hands when I hear a knock on the door. I wipe the tears from my face, “I’m busy, please call back later” I manage to say
“Babe open up, it’s me…”
I almost run to the door and I open it “what are you doing here?”

He’s standing right in front of me, we’re staring at each other, over the past 12 months we had never been apart for more than 24 hours, and now it’s been 10 long days. We’re both embarrassed, which would be funny if I wasn’t hurting so much.
“I’m so glad I found you” he manages to say.
“Well Sherlock Holmes, I’ve been working here, Tuesdays to Thursdays for the past year.” I hiss.
“I’m sorry” he mumbles.
I grab his shirt and pull him inside my office closing the door, I cannot make a scene in front of my colleagues and students.
“What exactly you’re sorry about?” I ask him.
He gets a glimpse of my copy of the Sun still on the desk “the picture, it wasn’t meant to be published…”
I rub my forehead “do you really think I care? I’ve known all along you were cheating on me”
“I never cheated on you!” he’s struggling to keep his voice down.
“Of course! You should talk to Jay though. He’s going to be heartbroken. You should have heard him defending you, saying you loved me…it all started that night after our fight right?”
He lowers his eyes and I sit down resting my forehead on my palm.
“Sam called me. Why didn’t you tell your family?”
“I don’t know, I hoped we would get back together” and squats in front of me.
He’s way too close, “back together? Hum, I’m pregnant with a baby you don’t want, and you…” I grab the newspaper and read the caption “…popstar Howard Donald, 39, in a famous London club with actress…” I look at him raising my eyebrow “actress? Since when working in porn is considered art? Anyway” and I keep reading “actress Amber Amis 22, the two were …”
He takes the Sun out of my hand and tosses it on the floor “I’m not dating her, I don’t care about her and to tell you the truth you don’t look pregnant to me” and rubs his fingers over my belly.
I push my chair back “don’t touch me”
“You don’t look pregnant, I mean…”
I’m fighting the urge to slap him “it will show soon, it’s just a matter of weeks now. Were you hoping it was just a bad dream? That one day I’d wake up to find out a test, two doctors, and two ultrasounds got it all wrong? You need to call the newspaper How, tell them you’re 12, not 39”
“I miss you” he whispers
“I can tell. But as I said, you can do anything you want, I don’t care. But you need to talk to your family. You owe it to me. Do you have any idea how I’ve felt not hearing from them after what happened? I thought they were blaming me, just like you do.”
He rests his head on my laps, I push him away “enough How, I want you to leave now”
“There’s a house for sale down the street from mine. I put an offer on it. It would be perfect for you and we would be neighbors”
“Perfect for me and the baby you mean?”
He nods.
“Do you see a sign over my head that says ‘for sale’? I don’t want your money and I don’t need you help. Sod off now, I mean it”
“Why don’t we go out for lunch, we could talk”
“I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to see you, I want you to leave me alone now, I mean it”.
He stands up “Jason told me you’ve been able to eat a little more lately”.
“Stop pretending you care”.
“I do care, about you”.
I open the door “I want you out of here, I might start screaming anytime, you better go”.
He walks out of my office and I slam the door behind him.
“Shit!” I yell pushing all the essays on the floor.

When Jo comes back I’m on all fours trying to pick them up from the floor.
“What happened?” she asks looking at the sea of papers covering my carpet.
“Hurricane Howard”
“He came here?” she asks me concerned
“What happened?” another male voice almost echoes Jo’s. I look up and I almost scream “Russell!”
Jo knows it’s not the moment to talk about my pathetic love life and says “I found him wandering along the corridors looking for his office, I told him we keep visiting professors from the colonies in a closet by the restrooms”.
He looks at her “Jo, two words for you, tea and party! Besides I have tenure at Berkley, I don’t do closets, I do large, sunny offices” he pouts.
“So you’re in the wrong building and the wrong city” she tells him.
He rolls his eyes “Titti, why are you looking at me like I’m a ghost? I sent you an e-mail telling you I was coming today”
I bite my lip “sorry, I’ve been really busy lately”. Jo looks at me and says “well, I need to go back to work now, the two of you have fun”.
“Not so fast lady!” I tell her
“So close…” she whispers to Russell and smiles
“Is there any chance my brownie is in the brown bag you’re holding?” I ask her
“Maybe…”
“And do you think you can leave it on my desk before leaving?”
“..sure..” and we both laugh. “See you later at home” she says.

Russell sits on my chair spreading his legs and looking around him. “So, you forgot I was coming…this place is a mess…and you’re staying at Jo’s …troubles in paradise?” he mocks me.
“I broke up with Howard”
“Sure, and I’m George W’s guardian angel…” looks at me and understands I’m not joking. “But, why? The two of you..”
“I don’t want to talk about it”.
He notices the newspaper on the floor, “he’s such a British trash!” he hisses.
“And you’re so American my friend”
“It’s a good thing I’m here, tell you what, in between my seminars it will be my pleasure and duty to cheer you up”.
“Good luck with that” I hiss.
He smirks “wanna bet?”
“Try me” and I place my hands on the desk right in front of him.
He opens his shoulder bag and hands me his paper “read it and weep my peculiar Italian friend”.
I do “Prof. Russell Fallon ~ Italian contemporary politics: Mr. Berlusconi’s government or, the rise and fall of the evil midget” and I start laughing, holding my belly.
“Do I take it as a ‘yes you win as always Russ’?” he asks me.
I nod, “you’re not seriously thinking about keeping the title right?”
“No, I guess I’ll have to edit it, what about ‘the evil midget pathetic policies’? Do you think people would like it better?”
I snort “you’re crazy”
“And you needed a good laugh. When did you break up with Howard?”
“Few days ago”
“Right, I tell you what, I’ll keep following my Marauder’s Map to my office, drop my laptop there and we’ll go to lunch”
“I need to grade papers”
“I’ll help you with them later”
“You know nothing about Renaissance history”
“If you’re still the same pathetic professor” and he smacks his head “you’re not a professor yet, no tenure, who has tenure here? Me!” and points a finger to himself.
“Smartass” and I roll my eyes.
“I was saying, I might know nothing about ancient history but neither do your students” and winks “so we’re even. I’ll be back in 20”.