STAND 13

“Where the fuck have you been?”
*it’s definitely charming Howard” I look at him, I feel so ashamed.
“I’ve been looking for you for almost an hour! Sam is already at the top! Can’t you follow simple instructions? It was UP! UP!” he yells pointing at the sky. He stops and places his hands on his knees, bending a little to catch his breath.
I bite my lip not to cry.
“Don’t even think about crying you hear me? Cannot stand women crying!”
I sniff
He places the backpack on the ground and takes his hat off. He looks at me scratching his head. I don’t move, rivers of silent tears running down my cheeks. “I was singing” I mumble.
He opens his arms wide “come here” he sighs, and I run and snuggle against him.
“Hold me tight, please, I was so scared, I feared some wild terrible beasts would come and eat me alive”
He wraps his arms around me and whispers “an illiterate wimp, that’s what you are, lions and tigers live a little further south; I wouldn’t worry about them if I were you”
“What about hungry huge bears?”
He laughs his loud laugh “I though you read the National Geographic magazine. It turns out you’re just looking at the pictures”
I shake my head, wiping my tears on his chest.
“Stop crying now” he says gently “I really need to toughen you up”
“You yelled at me”
“You got lost along a trail with no detours”
“You left me all alone into the wilderness”
“I know, but I cannot be too close to you” and kisses the top of my head
“I want you to” and I raise my eyes to meet his. “What happened before in the car… I thought you didn’t like me” and I start rubbing my hands on his chest.
“Stop it” he hisses and takes a step back placing his hands on his pockets. “I’m sorry, it’s all my fault, and Lara’s. I’ll never listen to her again. You said you had a fight with Jason earlier today, is everything fine between the two of you?”
I nod, “come back here Howard, please”
He doesn’t move “Did you make love to Jason today?”
“What does it have to…”
“It has everything to do with this. You’re freezing” he says in cold tone.
“Howard please”
“No, let me see what I can do, you cannot get sick. Jason is going to kick my arse”
“He doesn’t know you’re here”
He swallows and opens the backpack, takes a larger scarf out and wraps it around my neck.
It’s clear whatever it was it’s over now and I’m desperate. “My nose is frozen, my fingers have gone numb, can’t walk, my feet hurts. I think I got blisters”. I’m just behaving like a 5 year old spoiled brat who wants to drive her parents mad.
“Let me see”
I cross my arms “No need to! I said I’m tired and they hurt! Cannot walk, get to your bloody top, show me the shortest way down and I’ll head back to the car”
“No way! With your sense of direction you’d end up in Scotland”
“You said you don’t want to be near me, I’m making your dream come true, merry Christmas!”
He places his hands on my shoulders and pushes me down so I seat on a rock. He squats in front of me and ties my laces more tightly so the boots are not too loose on my feet.
“Give me your hand”
“Are you proposing?” I am being odious and I know.
He stares at me with a very severe look “I guess someone has to play the adult here, are you interested?”
I don’t move.
“Just what I thought”. He sighs and holds my hands taking off my gloves. “Your fingers are white, frozen cold and wet, how did you manage to do it?”
I hide them between my legs “I’ll be fine, I just want to go home”
He grabs my arm and takes one of my hands into his, and starts rubbing it, finger after finger, painfully slowly and gently until they turn pink again. He takes my other hand, I’ve never seen anything sexier than Howard, kneeling in front of me, working his way through my skin. Massaging finger by finger, from their base to the tip. Our breathing is becoming heavier but it’s in sync. Once his done he gently kisses my palms, never looking up at me. I bite my lip. I feel like my whole body is aching. “Howard” I whisper unable to say anything more. He ignores my invitation, sighs and stands up again.
“We better get going”. Puts the backpack on his shoulders again “this time I’m gonna keep an eye on you. All you have to do is follow me. Do you think you can do it?”
“You have no idea what I can do” am so humiliated and mad. “Do you enjoy playing stupid games with me? You pathetic, sad, old wanker!” I hit his chest with my fist “Do you think I’m your cute guinea pig, do you have any more tricks to play on me moron? I hate you!”
He looks at me, “You have a point. Let’s go”
I stay there, staring at him. He takes a few steps and turn around “are you sure you want to stay here? I’m not coming back for you”
“Tosser” I hiss.
“Keep using that dirty language and I'll wash your mouth out with soap!”
“Bollocks to you” I mouth.
And we walk, in a single line along the trail, which gradually becomes steeper. I’m so mad at him I feel I could kill him
“Are we there yet?”
“The whole point of hiking is enjoying silence and nature”
“Like a give a shit. I’m tired, are we there yet?”
…
“ARE WE THERE YET?”
…
He doesn’t bother to answer, simply glancing over his shoulder to check if I am keeping his pace.
“If Jason was here he would take care of me. You don’t give a shit, now I remember why I felt for him and not you. He’s sweet and caring and you are a pathetic moron”
…
I keep walking behind him, until we get to the top of one rise and he waves at his sister. I look around me and catch my breath. It’s like we’re on top of the world. A breathtaking view of the valley opens in front of me. The mountain side drops several hundred feet into the dense, tree-covered slope and I can see a shimmering stream in the floor of the valley below. White clouds are drifting in the easterly direction while the wind is picking up slightly.
Sam is looking our direction, taking pictures of us as we walk. Howard takes off his backpack and sits on the grass, looking into the distance.
I walk to the water spring.
“What happened?” Sam asks me
“Are you interested in the part in which I got lost because your beloved brother left me all alone or the one in which he humiliated me treating me like I’m disposable meat? Maybe he thinks I’m not up to his standards. I have a fucking brain!” I answer her but looking at him, making sure he can hear me.
“Better go take some more pictures on the other side, far away from the two of you”
“No need to, we’re done”. I fill up my bottle and sit down.


I bury my face in the scarf Howard gave me waiting for the time to pass so we can go back into civilization and Jason. We’re staring at each other from a distance, not moving a muscle.
*stupid, stupid man, I hate you. Where’s your sardonic smile now? I want to go home* Like he can read my mind stands up and says “we better head back, it’s getting late”
*It was about time* he walks by me and holds out his hand “come on, let’s go”
I get up avoiding touching him. He stands there, with his had still in the air.
Walking down he chats with Sam, while I stroll behind them cursing the moment I answered my bloody mobile.
We get to the car and I start untying my boot laces. Put my shoes back on and I open the trunk. I’m holding Sam’s hiking boots trying to locate their bag.
“Give them to me, I can do it”
I don’t even bother to turn but hold on to the boots, shaking my shoulders as to scare him away.
“This car is a mess, really, let me…”
I bend further into the trunk so to avoid being touched by him.
“Don’t be a baby, I said I can do it” and his body leans against mine, his arms on my sides, taking my breath away.
“Fuck, talk to me” he hisses into my ear “please”
I bite my lip tasting the blood in my mouth. I throw the boots in the trunk and push him away. I keep my head down and get into the car fastening my seat belt.
He slams the door closed and yells “Sam! I’m tired of waiting! Let’s go or I swear you can hitchhike your way back!”

The drive back is silent. I just stare outside the window. Howard pulls over at the end of street, the same place where I found him few hours before and I jump off the car. Sam does the same to say goodbye.
“Do you have plans for tomorrow? We could get together” Sam asks
“Thanks” I keep my voice loud, I know he can hear me even though he pretends not to “I’d love to but Jason and I are catching the first flight out of this dump tomorrow morning. No offence”
“Non taken” she laughs, “but Howard told me you were spending the holidays here”
I look at her puzzled “…That was the original plane, before hurricane Jenny hit my coasts and I had to organize an emergency evacuation plan. Hell if she thinks I’ll let her mess with my relationship with Jay. I can’t wait to be alone with him” *can you hear me idiot?*
I hug her “It was good meeting you Sam, if you come to London call me, we could go out and get drunk together”
“Sounds like a plan” I start moving when she grabs my arm “Titti, aren’t you going to say goodbye to How?”
“If I get too close I might not resist the temptation of killing him. You do it for me”
Before going I turn back one last time to see him shooting me a murderous look.

I walk to the house and knock on the door. Jason opens it with the biggest smile on his face “welcome homeeee!”
I jump into his arms and smooch all his face “I missed you so much! I can’t wait to be just the two of us”
“I can tell” he says laughing “but don’t forget Markie and Maddi”
“Them I can manage”
“Speaking of which, my mother’s really upset we’re leaving”
“No puppy eyes mister! We have a deal and she’s upset her precious boy’s leaving. Me? She would love to see me disappear in a cloud of sulphur. I bet every time she sees me she can hear ‘Sympathy for the Devil’ by the Rolling Stones playing in the background”
He holds me tighter “you are a horrible person”
I smirk “you have no idea baby” and we both giggle.

Lara is sitting on a chair by the ocean, watching Gary playing with the kids when her mobile rings.
“Dougie! I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon! So?”
….
“Howard?”
“A fucking, utter, complete, total, absolute disaster La. No! I’m not being fair. If you look up disaster in the dictionary, you see my picture, the one with my butt naked. Damn it… I told you it wasn’t going to happen.”
She sounds concerned “that’s not possible, I saw the way she was looking at you at my house. My lovdar is never wrong. You are perfect together”
“I couldn’t…you should have seen the babbling version of me getting her all confused. Now she hates me. I thought her feelings for Jay were the memories of her teen-age crush. I was so wrong. I had to stay there and hear her talking about him. A problem solved now, since she doesn’t speak to me anymore”
“Howard I’m so sorry”
“Me too”
“I can’t wait for you to get here. We’re going to cheer you up and talk some more, I saw her, and I know you. Howard it’s going to happen”
“No! I don’t want to talk about it anymore. It’s over. What am I talking about? It’s never started. I shouldn’t have said a word in the first place. Fuck! This is so pathetic it’s not even funny. It’s simply not gonna happen. Don’t worry about me. You don’t die of heartbreak. I’ll be fine, and I’m not coming”
“Please…”
“I must be really messed up; Sam offered to take me to the highlands. We’re going up there for few days. Just the two of us. I have to stop thinking about her. I better go now I’m getting all sappy and I have to make sure Sam doesn’t kill Camilla before dinner. Give a kiss to the children and don’t tell Gaz. You pitying me it’s already more than I can bear”
“Love you Doug”
“… La, before I go, one last thing”
“Tell me”
“Her, not speaking to me, you need to fix it”

The next morning Jason is placing our bags in the trunk while I say my goodbyes. Well, sort of, they seem pretty disappointed at me but I need to be spend time with Jason alone. He walks to me, leaning his chest on my back and his chin on my head. “So people, I’ll call you when we get there. And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do while I’m away”. His arm circles my waist as screaming ‘we are a team’.
I close my eyes for a second and smile at him “we better get going honey; we don’t want to miss our flight, do we?”