STAND 15

I nod
“I knew it! I knew there was some sort of hot vibe between the two of you!”
“There was never a hot vibe between us! You and Lara need to cut on your medications. He’s never looked at me before yesterday!”
She smacks my forehead, my head tilts back for her blow “Ouch, that hurt!” I complain.
She places her hands on her hips “if you think that hurt you’re in deep shit because I’m not even started with you! Verdammte scheisse”
“Don’t speak German to me, I don’t understand it and it’s the only clear sign I’m in trouble… did you throw the S word in there too?”
“ärger! Napoleon at Waterloo was in trouble; George W. Bush is in trouble! Mistmistmist! You are the bloody Titanic! And you are going down!”
“You scare me when you act like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. Ouch, you’re one strong lady” and I rub my forehead “It hurts you know? It’s not my fault. He called me and we went hiking”
“You went hiking, as in an outdoor activity?”
“Yes, it’s a long story, I wanted to get out of that house…”
“Off bloody topic”
“Anyway, all of the sudden he’s hugging me, and my body melt. You have no idea. My legs…and his voice…and my stomach”
She steps closer, I sort of duck to avoid another blow but she smiles and hugs me. “Maddi… what’s wrong with you? Mood swings… are you pregnant or bi-polar?”
She keeps smiling “I’m not pregnant, it’s you, welcome to the land of the BING BANG BUM”
I look at her puzzled “Sureeee…The tickets are my treat, let’s go inside, Al can help us out”
So we’re standing in front of Albrecht Durer’s self-portrait, arms crossed, looking at it “you’re in the BING BANG BUM cloud, it was about time” she repeats.
“I know it’s not German, but still I don’t understand”.
“Our Al here is one fine hunk, don’t you think?”
I nod.
“You’re in love”.
“Of course I am, with Jay”.
“No, you think you’re in love, you want to be in love with Jay. Have you thought that maybe, and I say maybe, what you feel for him is not real?”
“Are you saying I’m experiencing a 6’ tall hallucination?”
She pokes my arm “You know what I mean. You’ve been telling yourself he’s the love of your life since the day I met you. Actually the very first thing you said to me was, ‘Hi I’m Titti and I’m gonna marry Jason’. I’m just saying that maybe, you’ve changed. Maybe life is taking over, you cannot control those things”
“Don’t say it! That’s not possible. I’ve been in love with him all my life, if we don’t count the brief Harrison Ford as Han Solo downtime”
“And your marriage”
“That too”
“Have you ever felt for Jason the way you felt for Howard yesterday?”
“…it’s different”
“So how was it?”
“Horrible, and painful, and wonderful, and depressing, and breathtaking, and frustrating and a moment a wanted to kill him and the next shag him. But he kept sending me ambiguous signals. So we ended up with a huge fight, I called him names and I’m resolved not to talk to him anymore”
She smiles, “Not talking to him, ever again”
“Most certainly”
“And you don’t miss him, or think of him every waken moment”
“Nope”
“And you’re with Jay”
“Very much so”
“Did you have rough sex with him in the wilderness?”
“We did not do it! I told you. We mostly argued and yelled at each other. Well I did all the yelling to be fair”
“How disappointing. Is he a good kisser?”
“I guess” I turn around to stare at an old man standing right behind us to look at the painting. “Excuse me?” I tell him “we’re having a private conversation here! Can’t you see?”
He looks at us surprised and walks away.
“Bloody tourist!” Maddi shakes her head and asks “You guess? What do you mean you guess?”
“We almost kissed but this girl came for an autograph and spoiled the moment”
“Look at you! You’re all worked up and he didn’t even kiss you”
“He rubbed my fingers though”
“That in Italian is a metaphor for which sexual act exactly?”
“None, he rubbed my fingers, in the literally sense. Period”
She looks at me and burst into a fit of laughter, one of the guards tells us to keep our voices down. She pats my shoulder “he only held your hand. And you’re all messed up. You know there are only 2 realistic explanations for it. Want to hear them?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Not really. Number one, you’re Elizabeth Bennet and you don’t know it yet. Number two, sex with Mr. Orange must be the most boring thing like EVAHHHHH!”
“It is not”
“Is he still with Miss Bohnenstange?
“German is a fascinating yet incomprehensible language”
“Miss beanpole”
I laugh “Sam calls her the princess and the pea”
“Who’s Sam?”
“His sister”
“Meeting the family already? So it must be serious” she mocks me. “So, you’re not talking to him. What’s your next move?”
“I have no next move. We’re done”
“Of course. What about Jason?”
I tuck my hair behind my ears “he doesn’t have to know. Nothing happened. Nothing is going to happen”
“If you say so”
“Enough about me! What about you and the shortest man alive?”
“I told you already, leave him alone. We could be talking about my future husband here”
“What?”
“He hasn’t proposed or anything but my mother has a great vibe about him. They spent all Christmas day talking about me. You have no idea of the amount of extremely embarrassing information about me they exchanged in such a short time. I’m meeting his parents when we go back to England”
“Fantastic! Do you want my precious advice on how to deal with his mother?”
“No thanks, I’d like to keep him”


Maddi and I get back to our hotel in St. Anton. She takes off her hat shaking it. A drizzle of tiny snow crystals spread all over the wooden floor. She collapses in one of the sofas in the lobby, “I am officially knackered! Didn’t we agree to take it easy?”
I take off my jacket placing my ski pass in my pocket “I think we had a chat about it, have no recollection of casting my vote though. Maybe it’s the daily alcohol intake or my short attention span. What do you reckon?”
“It’s cold outside, we need to do all we can to survive in the wilderness, since there are no handsome hikers to rub our” and she does the brackets gesture with her hands “fingers” and laughs at me.
I throw my jacket at her “you need to stop it Maddi! What if Jason…”
“Jason what?” and he kisses my cheek. “What are you saying about me? Is there something I’m not supposed to know?”
“Jay you cannot materialize like that! What if I was with my hot lover?” I try to sound convincing.
“We have no secrets for you Jay, it was just girl talk. I don’t think you would be interested. What do you think Titti, would Jason be interested in our little chit-chat?” and smirks
“Maddi…” I warn her
She’s having the time of her life. “To tell you the truth we were talking about hiking. Do you like hiking Jay?” she asks him.
“Maddi…” I hiss.
Saved by Mark who says “This is boring ladies. You’re out all day skiing and we’re stuck in here”
“Here, it’s a 5 star hotel. You have a spa, a swimming pool, a gym. And moreover, you have a tour to do, you cannot hurt yourself honey” Maddi tells him stroking his hair “and the hot tub is fun, isn’t it?”
“I guess…”
Jason looks at us puzzled “what the hell are you wearing?” and points at our matching shirts.
“Oh, this one?” and I stretch mine so he can read it properly “it’s just a thing we bought in Vail”
Mark looks at it and reads it “if it pours I drink it, if it slopes I ski it, if he whines I date it”
“Present company excluded” Maddi adds, they are not happy, and they’re even more pissed when three French guys walk by and talk to us.
“Who are they?” Jason asks
“Our ski mates! We met them on the lift this morning. They’re from Paris” I say
“Do I look like a give a shit where they’re from?”
“You’re jealous? Come on Jay! Look what we’re wearing. Would you fancy a large, fluffy, sweaty lady?”
“I do” and brushes his lips on mine “do you think you could try to teach me how to ski tomorrow morning? I bet it’s gonna be quiet”
I circle my arms around his waist “what if you get hurt? Slopes around here are what we call Darwinian. The survival of the fittest. I tell you what. I won’t go skiing tomorrow and we can enjoy the swimming pool and the sauna together. Does it sound like a plan?”
“Indeed”
“I saw I nice t-shirt in town, I wanted to buy it but she wouldn’t let me” Maddi complaints…I know her tone and I don’t like it. I try to shush her with a killer look but she ignores me.
“How’s that love?” Mark asks her
“I don’t know, maybe we should ask her…”and smirks at me “it reads, St. Anton on the front and ‘Hey Mr. DJ, fancy a shag?’ on the back”
*you don’t need enemies with friends like her, really*
Mark laughs “Very classy! We need to buy one for Doug, I bet he would love it”
“Doug!” Maddi smacks her forehead “I wonder why we didn’t think of him when we saw it. What do you reckon Titti, should we get one for him?”
“I reckon we should get ready. We have a New Year’s Eve to celebrate tonight!” and I shoot her a begging look.
She steps closer to me “this is so much fun, are you having fun Titti?”
“A blast. Watch your back, I’m gonna kill you soon”.

I step into the shower while Jason is on the sofa playing his guitar “So, what did you do today honey?” I yell
“I had a nice walk, you know how hard it is to walk on snow?” he yells back
“Yeah! I do! That’s why I ski” still yelling
“Smart lady! And our neighbors are gonna love us! We’re so quiet all the time!”
I laugh and some shampoo drips into my mouth *Bleah!*“I missed you today!”
“Stop yelling, I’m right here”
I try to open my shampoo covered eyes “hello stranger”
He starts taking off his shirt.
“Don’t even think about it. I don’t do kinky stuff in the shower” and I rinse my face.
“How’s that?” he’s almost naked.
“Because it’s uncomfortable and I always end up with bruises on my back. Stupid water taps.”
“Always?” and he opens the door to the shower
“Yes! I’m serious. Hand me my bathrobe and we can do all the kinky stuff you want on the carpet in front of the fireplace”
He smiles and helps me wear it. He’s standing behind me, and circling his arms around my waist he ties my belt. “There you go, all nice and clean” and gently kisses my neck.
“What would I do without you?” I purr
“Have less fun?”
I turn around and hug him “why don’t you go into the bedroom and wait for me by the fireplace? I’ll join you in a sec”
“I’d like that very much”