STAND 2

We seat on the sofa in front of the CCTV. Jason’s seat is still empty while Gary, Mark and Howard are already sitting at the table. I get a glimpse of Maddi’s face all flushing and staring at Mark so hard I fear she might jump into the monitor and disappear into a million pixels.
I see Jason walking into the room, they all seem pretty nervous. He gets closer to Mark and whispers something into his ear. He smiles surprised and turn toward the CCTV camera waving. Maddi almost has a heart attack and waves back at him.
“I cannot believe it! You just said hallo to an electronic device” I mock her “he cannot see you! Oh my god! You filthy liar! All this time telling me how you were over him! Liar liar pants on fire!”
She stares at me like I’m mental, which is probably true at the moment “I am a lady and I therefore have manners, something that you, being raised by wolves, know nothing about. Besides, I’m not the one who plotted all this while having a nice …”
“Don’t say it!” I point my index finger at her “You’re blushing”
“You froze”
“Call it even?”
“Better. Now” she sighs “you didn’t bother to tell me I was going to meet the love of my life after a10 year gap. I am therefore wearing clothes a nun would give to Oxfam. So I am going shopping.”
“What?”
“You heard me. There’s no way in hell Mark is going to see me like this. I’ll be right back. You keep an eye on them. If they’re done before I come back you text me and I’ll join you”
“You serious? You cannot leave me here alone! How am I supposed to be funny and sexy if you’re not here to support me? You cannot leave, I forbid you to leave. You know what happens when I get excited. I talk to much. I’ll make a fool of myself. CANNOT LEAVE! MADDI! I MEAN IT!”
She winks “watch me” and closes the door behind her.

After 40 minutes the door opens and Jason enters. “I feel like I just climbed the K2” and sighs “There’s a car waiting for us outside. Where’s Maddi?”
“Long sad story”
“Is she ok?” he looks worried
“She’s fine, I guess her bank account is experiencing some serious losses though”
He places his hand on my back and we walk heads down, out of the hotel using the back door “like in the old days” I tell him
“Much better I would say” and opens the car door for me.
We seat in the back of a Mercedes “I got rid of Nigel”
I squeeze his hand “I’m proud of you, you did the right thing”
“I could not let him into my life again; you have no idea what those 10 years have meant for me. It took me so long to pull myself together. I was so close to be anonymous again, and now we’re back. Do you think I took the right decision?”
“I do. You’ll be just fine, you’re stronger now” and I rest my head against his shoulder
He hugs me “Titti you know what it was like. My personal hell. I was so scared you would walk out on me. I knew it was a lot to ask of you. You must had been sick and tired of my constant moaning. You were supposed to live your dream and you found a boring bloke always complaining about the way he was treated.” He kisses the top of my head “I still have the picture we took in Milan. You were always smiling. My little wise Jiminy Cricket”
I close my eyes *mental note to self. Need to erase all Pinocchio crap from his memory. I am fabulous and I am sexy. I am not a damn talking cricket*
I purr “If I have to be a cartoon character I want to be Jessica Rabbit”
He burst into a fit of laughter “of course you can, as I’ve always told you, you can be anything you want”
*bullocks, this is so not working*
We reach a nice little bar in South Kensington, before getting off the car I ask him “how do I look? Do you think they’ll like me?”
He laughs “what do you care?”

Once we get inside the bar I immediately see Mark who’s walking toward me with his arms spread “Titti, Titti, Titti, so good to see you!” he’s standing in front of me, no intention of hugging me “you haven’t grown taller”
“Neither have you”
“So, where’s Maddi?”
“You’re going to hell Mr. Owen, don’t I deserve a hug?”
“Where’s the throwing up lady?”
“She’s on her way. She had a little emergency”
So I walk past him and see Gary sitting at the table with a blond lady “come here kid”
“I’m not a kid anymore” and I spin around “I’m all grown up, I have breasts now and an education”
His laugh hasn’t changed a bit “did you just say breasts?”
“I fear so… it must be you, all of you. My brain’s not working, doing a scan for potential viruses but no threats have been detected so far. I’m talking too much. It’s all Maddi’s fault. Stop! Can you please forget about it? So!” I breathe deep “Hi! I’m Titti, so good to see you again Gary”
He kisses my cheek; “this is my wife, Lara”. We shake hands. “Honey” he tells her “this is the ultimate TT fan, or at least she used to be. She showed up at the opening concert of the Nobody Else tour, front row seat. And again and again and again, always the same seat. I remember after the fourth concert Doug thought he was subject to hallucinations. After three weeks she sneaked into our hotel. Started talking to Jason and that was the beginning of the end. She showed up everywhere. Mark started to fear Jason and her were belated conjoined twins”
“The most annoying woman ever! She would not shut up if her life depended on it. I once offered her 100 quids so I could enjoy a 5 minutes break from her constant babbling. She did not take it!”
I turn around and cross my arms “Sideshow Bob!” I wrinkle my nose “Time to come up with another nickname though. You cut your horrible dreadlocks. I’m so glad you finally got the memo reading Manchester is not in Jamaica”
“Still snorting Miss Piggy?”
“I have a PhD now”
He raises his eyebrow “Dr. Piggy then”


Jason joins us with Maddi. I look at her *is she wonder freaking woman? An hour ago she was a nun on the loose and now she’s Claudia Shiffer…”
Mark is just mesmerized; he doesn’t even give her the time to greet anybody and drags her to another table while waving at us “yes, that’s Maddi” he makes little different voices “so good to see you! ~ You haven’t changed a bit! ~ No you have changed so much ~ Yadayadayadayada. We have a decade to catch up. See you later” *what? She appears for two seconds, she would not be here if it wasn’t for me and she gets a bloody one-on-one session with Mark while I’m stuck with the crowd? Is it a German vibe? Do I smell bad?*
I turn towards Jason who’s talking to someone who reminds of Miss World…*this is just my lucky day*.
“Titti come here, this is Camilla”
I smile politely while by brain is pissing its pants off *in Italy you are a bloody snack, made of preservatives and carrots* “Nice to meet you”
She smiles at me checking me out and dismissing me in a millisecond. I feel the urge of kicking her perfect shin when she is saved by Howard saying “I made reservation for the restaurant next door. Coming with us sugarplum?” and kisses her neck
I look around the room checking the people at the different tables and I feel like I’m in a Nintendo game and I just killed my worst enemy winning a million points a very much single Jason.
“No Diddilydougie”
“Don’t call me that”
“But Diddilydougie…”
“Honestly, I hate it, stop it”
She pouts “yes daddy…but you know I am not allowed to eat anything but apples before my photo shoot on Thursday. And I need my beauty sleep. Can you walk me to the car?”
I walk behind him and I whisper mocking her tone “yes Diddilydougie, walk her, she could get lost, the door is sooooo farrrrr and the rooooaddd so dangerousssssss”
“Stop it, risky path Dr Piggy”
“I love every minute of it Diddilydougie”
“Cut-the-crap” he hisses
“We’ll see, now go, her attention span is about to expire. See? Her eyes are going blank”
“Brat”
But I’m already talking to Jason “don’t tell me it’s curry, you know I’m not a big fan and Maddi tends to drink a lot after it…”
Gary looks at her “right, the toilet serenade”
“That one. Pretend you forgot about it though. She’s gonna kill me if she dreams what we’re talking about”
“In your honor, we’re having Italian!” Jason says
*great, more carbs going right on my hips* “You had a great idea!” I reply with an overenthusiastic tone.
I did my reading and I know what to do, I am not taking any risk this time. I’m done with my pathetic love life. This is a fresh start. The ‘rules’ are clear, I’ve already screwed up the ‘pause in between sentences’ section. I’ve been babbling on out of nervousness like there’s no tomorrow but I’m in control now. So I smile lighting up the room *check*, my sense of confidence and radiance permeates my being from head to toe *check*, I listen attentively *check*, I’m not going to order dessert *we’ll see about that*.
“I’ll just need to check my make-up before we go” I tell him.
Jason looks at me amused “you’re wearing make-up…oh boy”
*you’re pissing me off Mr. Jason* I walk toward Maddi and grab her arm forcing her to stand. “I’m having a conversation here!” she objects
“Tough luck. I need to talk to you”
“So do I” Mark adds
“Get in the queue” and I drag her into the restroom.
“How do I walk?”
She stares at me “you lost it. It was going to happen sooner or later. Is it the arteriosclerosis kicking in isn’t it?”
“Not funny! It’s not working! The forum on the internet said it’s a foolproof bloody method”
“What are you talking about?”
“Maybe I should keep my shoulder back, like that” and I stand up straight in front of the mirror
“What have you been reading? Let me see your handbag”
“No!” and I smack her hand
“You don’t stand a chance, I’m stronger, let me see” and takes it.
“Maddi please…”
And she starts laughing her pants off “more mature, in control…I almost bought it. And you’re reading” she tries to have a professional tone but she’s just having the time of her life “The Rules – Time tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right”
I take the book from her hand and put it back into my bag “stop it! I know, I know. I just didn’t want to make any mistakes. I have a pathetic track record in dating men. I thought this could help but it’s not bloody working. He looks at me and all he sees is a 15 years old me. I’ll take the book back and get ‘He’s just not that into you’ instead, together with a tank of chocolate ice-cream”
“You’re so not a Rules Girl! Just be yourself. He likes you! You don’t need that crap, that’s what you need” and unbutton my shirt to bra level. “Let him get a glimpse of your obviously very expensive lingerie and I bet he would not care the way you walk”.
“Jason is not like that!” I object
“He’s a man. They all come with the same instruction manual believe me”
“You think? That would be too easy. So,” I smirk “I get the hint Mark sort of remembers you?”
“A little” and she smiles “I should have kept in touch. I cannot believe I lost all this time”
“You’re so cute together. Because you are beautiful and he’s passable so in average you’re cute”
“He’s the most handsome man on heart”
“Sure, in Lilliput maybe”
She turns on the water and splashes some of it against me. “Stop it! We’re not having a wet t-shirt competition tonight!”
“Too bad, can I join?” and Lara is standing on the door looking at us
“The more the merrier! Come on in Mrs. Barlow. I cannot believe I have a real TT wife in flesh and blood right in front of me.” I say
“You are the living proof there’s hope for all of us! It means they’re real and they can commit” Maddi adds
Lara laughs “Some of them at least. I would not count on Diddilydougie settling down anytime soon. I’m so glad you came out from their past. I was so worried about the upcoming tour. The idea of spending all those months with Camilla’s as my only company was driving me insane. I have already started stocking up antidepressant. But you’re here and I hope you’ll join me in the madness”
I bow “we would very much love to do it”
“that was a yes” Maddi says
“Have you seen Camilla?” I ask her “What is she 10’? And she wears a -2. Is she for real?”
“She’s hard core too. Wait until you see her not eating, and the way she looks at you if you order something edible…when I got pregnant the last time she dragged me to gym classes so I could keep my butt spreading under control”
“What?”
“That’s what she said”
“Every woman has the right to get fat when pregnant!” Maddi says with a very determined tone “It’s like having a fake identity in the internet. Calories eaten during pregnancy do not count!”
“So what do you do in your free time? I mean, besides fancying Mark and Jay. Maybe we could get together sometimes. Do you work out?” she asks us
We look at each other in eyes “If you consider flipping the channels using a remote and go handbag shopping once a week working out, yes we do”.
“I guess we have a membership at the same gym then!”