STAND 22

I take a quick shower, tie my hair in a loose bun and wear an old t-shirt, jeans and sneakers. *It’s only Lara and McDonald’s, no need to dress up*
The bell rings and run to open the door. “It was about time! I’m starv” and I freeze on the spot. The only thing I can think of is *I didn’t even brush my hair*
Howard is standing in front of me, smiling and handing out a McDonald’s bag. “Peace offer Piggy” he says
*Breath in, breath out* “Thanks” I mumble, “come in”. *what the heck is he doing here? Lara. Lara. Lara. Mental note to self. Tell her to stop playing Cupid. No, undo, thank her but ask her to warn you next time. You look like Cinderella having a bad day*
We walk silently to the kitchen. I need to find something to say. So I guess I can buy some time opening the bag and maybe crack some easy joke. But once I do it my face drops. I look at him with fake hatred “where’s my junk food?”
He smiles and shrugs his shoulders “I meant well. But I got stuck into traffic and it smelt so good, and we’ve been in a strict diet for the past 10 days…”
“You ATE my food?”
“But I left you the toy”
“Do you want to know what you should do with it?”
He pretends to back off, throwing up his hands in mock surrender “Please don’t hurt me…I’m really sorry…” and laughs
“No doubt about that Mister!” and I literally jump at him grabbing his earlobe.
Since I’m shorter than he his he has to bend so his ear won’t fall off. “Ouch, it hurts, ouch. Really! Let go!”
I drag him to the cupboard and I open it “I’m gonna tell you what really hurts. Look in there! I said look!”
“I…am…looking…”
“Organic food, boxes organized in alphabetical order. Fat free, Sugar free, preservatives free, taste free. The stuff in that bag” and I point at the McDonald’s one “was my last hope! And you ate it! You selfish man!”
“Let…me…go. I…have…an…idea”
“You better not mess up with me. I’m hungry and angrier!”
He rubs his ear “You’re one strong lady! It really hurts!”
“You said you had an idea” and I get closer to him trying to grab his ear again.
He jumps back “don’t even think about it! Let’s go out! I’ll buy you lunch. Nothing fancy. Pure, authentic, original British junk food. What do you reckon?”
*I have no idea where this is going but I like it. You forgot about Jason smartass. DO-H!*
I sigh “Jay’s in his study working on some Apache thing. He doesn’t want me to go out. He has something planned for the afternoon and I don’t have the energy to argue with him again”
He looks at me, not even thinking about giving up. “He doesn’t need to know. We’ll be back before he realizes you’re gone” and having said that takes a banana from the fruit bowl and holds it like it’s a gun. “I’ll cover you! Move, move, move! To the door!” and flattens against the wall.
I stare at him, hands on my hips. “What is that Howard?”
“My name’s Bond, James Bond”
“Oh God. Let me rephrase it. What is that Jimbo?” and I point my finger at the fruit he’s holding.
“This is a ripe Chiquita PPK, 7.65 millimeters. Only three men in the world know how to use such a gun. I believe I've killed two of them.”“Lucky me” and I roll my eyes.
He’s deadly serious, places his hand on his ear, like he’s listening to imaginary instructions coming from a hidden device. “M, we might have a problem. The package is hostile” and looks at me. I giggle and shake my head. He smirks “maybe not so much after all, she’s talking to me ”. I grab my handbag and put my coat on. He pushes me outside of the house. He looks around him as he’s expecting to be attacked by evil aliens “move, move, move”. We’re running to the car like two kids skipping school when I stop dead in my tracks and smack my head.
“What?” he asks me
“The MacDonald’s bag, we left it in the kitchen”.
Holds up the banana again, in an almost perfect 007-tuxedo gun pose, and looks around him. “I’m at her majesty’s service. I’ll do it. Dangerous is my middle name. I want you to go into the car and lock yourself in. If you get hungry there are a couple of Altoids somewhere. I’ll be back” he says in a dramatic tone.
I shake my head and I look at him running back to the house. I count “1, 2, 3, 4…” and he’s back.
“What’s up James?” I ask him smirking
He holds his hand out.
“Need those James?” and I place my keys on his palm.
“Yeah!” he shrugs his shoulders, “don’t really have time to blow up the front door”.
I’m waiting for him in the car and smile to myself *this is the Howard I love. Don’t keep your hopes up. He’s a multi-personality dickhead. One word for you, Rebecca*
The door opens and he throws the bag into the back sit “piece of cake” and looks at me.
“Am I going to have a problem with you, Mr. Bond?” I ask
“No, don't worry, you're not my type.”
“Smart?”
“Gabby”
*this is so much fun* I don’t want to stay there risking Jason might see us “I’m starving, let’s go”
He starts the car. “You’re going to experience a gastronomic encounter of the third kind. The best fish and chips of the London area”


We get to a small village near Wimbledon. We park the car alongside the Wandle River and Howard takes my hand walking to the pub. I turn to look at him but he pretends to be paying attention to a little kid playing with his dog. *touching but not talking about it, I can do that* I breathe deep *do not let your brain take over, it’s nothing. Just two friends having lunch. I said stop thinking too much about it. I mean it. Aren’t you forgetting someone? Rebecca*
“Shouldn’t you at least be wearing sunglasses? Aren’t you afraid someone might recognize you?” I ask him
“Here? Nah! It’s mostly very old people and few tourists. That’s why I like it. We have a chat, eat and drink. I don’t think they know Take That even exist.”
We walk inside the pub, he says hello to few customers and to the owner, an old, chubby and smiling lady who seems to be very much in love with him, at least judging by the way she’s smooching him “it has been so long! Let me look at you! You lost weight!”
“I’m working Gladys…”
“Nonsense! I’ll take good care of you now. And who is she?” she asks him looking at me like I’m some piece of meat she’s about to grill.
“She’s Titti, a friend of mine”
“A friend of his” she mocks him smiling at her friends sitting at one of the tables
He squeezes my hand, “do you think we can sit outside?”
“Of course! I’ll have the guys move so you can have our best table”
It turns out the ‘guys’ are two very old men playing chess. We step out into a wooden terrace overlooking the river. We can see a couple of kids fishing and some people walking their dog. I feel like we’re light-years away from London.
“You sit here and wait for me. I’ll go get food and drinks. I should be right back, if Gladys doesn’t make a pass at me. In that case…who knows” and smirks
I smile back, I think I’m the happiest I’ll ever be.
He locks his eyes into mine and places a soft, light kiss over my lips. I was wrong, now is the happiest I will ever be.
“I’ll be right back” he whispers.

He comes back with a large plate of fish and chips. I smell it and I realize how hungry I am. I squirt half a bottle of ketchup on the side and start eating.
Howard stares at me, elbows on the table, his face resting on his hands “don’t mind me” he says
I swallow a chip and wipe my mouth with a paper napkin “sorry” I mumble “I was starving”
“I can tell” and winks at me
*Freddie Mercury starts singing into my head ‘play the game, play the game’*
“So how’s Sam?”
“She’s pissed, with both of us now” and laughs. “I talked to her this morning and we had a big argument, again”. I know the fact his sister is mad bothers him.
“About what?” and pick another bite
“Let’s just say she doesn’t approve some of the choices I’ve made later”, and thinks about the extremely short phone call with his sister * "You did what?" Sam screamed down the phone ~ "I took a whore to La's dinner party." ~ "What the fuck were thinking, How?" she asked and hung up indisgust*
“Where is she now?”
“Are you scared Piggy?”
“You said I need to watch my back. And you’ve already pointed out I’m a wimp. I decided if I’m ever to cross her path I’ll just run for my life”
“No need to, she’s in China, taking pictures of the Great Wall”
“Sounds fantastic!” I almost choke on a chip
He laughs “that’s what I told her when she got the job! Isn’t that fantastic? So there will be two things we can see from space, the Great Wall and your Big Butt. She didn’t find it so funny though.”
“Shame on you Doug!” and I laugh with him
“You should have seen her in Scotland. She was furious. Stuck with me in the middle of nowhere. And I wasn’t helping. I kept reminding her she was wasting precious time. She’s still single and her biological clock is ticking like there’s no tomorrow”
“You didn’t tell her that, tell me you didn’t”
He winks at me “It was just too easy. I also dragged her along to buy presents for Gary’s kids. It took us forever to find a doll for Sophie”
“The Bitch Barbie?” and I cover my mouth realizing what I’ve just said.
"You totally devilish...!" he snorts in a mockingly mean tone, and then blood runs from his face “what did Lara tell you this morning?”
“Lara? Are we changing subject?”
He breathes deep “No, I was just….nothing really. So we’re in the shop and she would not stop bragging about her Star Wars crap”
*stop picturing him as Ian Solo inside the Millenium Falcon, stop it right now*
“Where are you? Are you listening to me?” he says waving his hand in front of my eyes
“I’m sorry, I was in a galaxy far far away…”
“Not you too! Piece of advice lady, as I told my spinster sister, Yoda talk is a major turn off”
“Sure you are? Hum, believe you cannot”
He shakes his head, “the two of you are so similar is almost scary”
“Are you saying I have a big butt and terrible temper?” I mock him
“Busted!” he laughs
“I cannot believe what it must be like having brothers. She has all my sympathy”
He looks into my eyes, moves one of his hands to gently cover mine, rubbing it with his fingertips. “What about me? Can I hope for some sympathy too?”