STAND 26

And I run down the corridor, I’m frantically pushing the stupid elevator button. *come on, come on, come on*. A lightly bang on the metal door *open sesame* Nothing. I check my watch… it has been almost 2 minutes, *Howard don’t go… I’m sending you brainwaves… stay, stay*
The doors open I step in. Two scholars from Cambridge recognize me
“Morning Titti, we need to talk to you about an exhibit we would like to organize in our department”
I stare at the little plate telling me what number call in case of emergency. They don’t stop talking *I don’t give a shit about your idea. Can’t you see I’m panicking here?*
I smile politely and nod. *slowest ride ever!* the doors finally open. Ground floor. I jump outside the elevator and freeze. Take a deep breath, straighten up my back and walk like I’m going to buy a sandwich. *he doesn’t need to know you’re that desperate. Don’t be nervous, use the trick Maddi taught you to relieve stress. Fuck, picturing him naked is NOT helping*. I laugh all by myself, one of the people working in admission look at me like I’m crazy. I wave, I don’t care, I’m too happy.
I see him, sitting in the book-shaped bench in the main hall. I get closer. “Hello stranger” *do not stroke his hair*
He raises his head and smiles at me like he hasn’t seen me in years “morning doctor”
“I thought you had to see a dentist”
He looks at me puzzled
“That’s what you told me, at the restaurant after the press conference, you’d rather have your wisdom tooth out than coming here”
He stands up “he couldn’t see me today.” And shrugs “I’m sorry you had to come down here. They gave me this form, but none of the answers fit the reason I’m here today”
“…Howard”
“Really, I wonder, how come no-one thought to write: I came to apologize for trying to shag you in a car like I’m some horny teenager”
I laugh “let me fill it in for you”. I do it and give it back to Joseph. I get the ‘visitor’ pass and I pin it on his shirt. “You can come in now”.
We’re on the escalator; I’m a couple of steps ahead of him. He rests his head on my back. He touches me and it’s like I’m electrocuted. “I’m sorry about last night. I really am, I got your text. Friends is fine, friends is enough. Can we be friends?”
I can’t tell him all the things I want to here, so I simply turn around a smile “everything’s fine”.
I show him around, until we arrive in front of the rare books reading room. The door opens and Gerry walks out. He sees me and smiles. I frown, trying to send him a subliminal message, he doesn’t have his glasses on. So I guess I should use brail. “My greatest, unique and supreme love!” and hugs me. “Not now” I hiss.
He doesn’t get the hint; he probably thinks I’m kidding “you should have woken me up this morning. You left without a morning kiss. I could have made you breakfast, and something else…” and winks. It’s joking, we always do, I just have the feeling Howard will not be too happy. As a matter of fact he places his hands on my waist to gently push me on the side. He bites his lip and looks at my almost ex-husband like a lion studying its prey.
“You must be Gerry” he says.
“Yes I am!” and holds out his hand to shake Howard’s.
He doesn’t move but gives him a murderous look. I guess Gerry’s survival instinct finally kicks in “I gotta go, see you later”. Howard grabs his arm “not so fast mate. I believe you didn’t get my message”. Gerry looks at me worried, I smile and wave *this is fantastic*. “You need to get out of her apartment. I don’t want to hear any more sex oriented jokes or…” he looks at him head to toe “don’t tell me you were so stupid and suicidal to offer a sympathy shag… nah, you wouldn’t do it, right mate?” and pats his shoulders, maybe a little too hard.
“You too!” I say, “so what is it?” I love playing dumb.
Gerry mouths ‘I hate you’ and I laugh. “Come on Howard, I want to show you my office” and I try to drag me away.
“It was good meeting you Gerry. Isn’t that great I know where you live?” Howard adds and winks.
I take his hand “come on, I cannot believe you’re jealous of him. He’s like a brother to me”
He squeeze mine back, surprised by my touch “I am a brother and I don’t shag Sam. He wants to shag you like there’s no tomorrow”
“No he doesn’t” and I laugh walking backwards so I can look at him
“I know the feeling, believe me, he does” and he realizes what he just said and becomes suddenly serious “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…”
I pull him closer to me, I’m about to say something when James appears at the door of our office “Titti, we need to be in the conference room in 20 minutes”
Howard hisses a “shit” and if a look could kill poor James would be agonizing on the floor. We all walk inside, “this is were I work, and this is James McAvoy, he works for me at the moment, but we have great plans for him”
“I bet” Howard says sarcastically “nice meeting you Jack”
“It’s James” he whispers “I wrote my dissertation on The Cartulary of Canonsleigh Abbey, would you like to have a copy?”
*Poor James, he’s so shy he doesn’t handle stress very well, and Howard is making him very nervous*
Howard looks at him “tempting but no, maybe next time Jack”.
“It’s James…”
We’re no longer paying attention. I walk him to my desk. “Let me show you something” and I carefully take a manuscript from the shelf.
“You shouldn’t take that one Titti, it’s so delicate…we agreed to use gloves, please”
“Don’t worry James, I’m the boss around here, I can do anything I want”
“Sure, of course” he mumbles
“Does he have to be here? He’s getting into my nerve.” Howard asks me, I smile and open the book. I gently turn the pages until I find the ones I’m looking for and I show him some of Botticelli’s sketches for the Divine Comedy. “Now try to picture Florence, at the end of the XV century. Botticelli is an artist, thorn between his love for god and his love for art. Can you imagine he actually touched this piece of paper?” I whisper.
Howard is mesmerized; his blue eyes scan the pages as wanting to secure in his mind every single detail. He’s standing in front of my desk, I slowly slide between it and him. He gasps, placing his left hand on my hip. I take his right hand into mine and I guide it along the lines traced by Botticelli 600 years ago. He nibbles my ear. I bury my back into his chest. I guess we’re becoming vocal because poor James pretends not to notice talking very loud on the phone.
Howard is both extremely aroused – by me, and annoyed – by him. “Tell him go grab a cup of coffee” his hand his moving onto my belly
“I can’t… we really…have an important …meeting”
“I am more important”
“It’s… work”
“I don’t care” he found his way under my shirt, he’s now caressing my skin
“Not now, and not here” it’s like a woke up from a dream
He straightens his back and I take a step backward. “Is it some kind of game to you?”
I look at James, “could you please excuse us?” He mumbles something and leaves the room.
He’s mad at me and he has every reason to be “do you enjoy seeing me making a fool of myself? It’s yes and than no, and yes again, and we fight, and we kiss and you send me a text in which you say you love Jason, and there’s Gerry, and now this! I’m too old for this shit! You know what? I quit” and storms out. I see him disappearing into the elevator *of course it has to be there, now, it’s never there when I need it*
I take the stairs. I run down like a woman possessed. Need to regain some composure when I get to the main hall. Graciously waving at people and smiling. I see him pushing the glass door and march into the square *damn it*. I walk as fast as I can. When I step outside the cold London winter almost catches my breath away. I’m freezing in my cotton t-shirt. I run after him, if he gets to his car it will be to late. I catch up with him in the exedra “Howard wait!”
He turns and looks at me, my teeth chattering, trying to smile at him, “it’s not a game. I didn’t send you the text last night. Jason did. Ask me what my darkest secret is before I freeze to death”. He stares at me. “Please” I beg.
He walks to me, opens his coat and wraps it around me. My hands lie gently on his stomach. I can feel his breath against my neck, sending a different kind of shiver down my spine. We’re standing there for what I can guess to be a minute, not wanting to let go.His breath becomes warmer, his lips gently grazing my neck before placing small kisses against it. They slowly move upward towards my ear. I give a quick gasp as he kisses gently against my ear lobe, he kisses me again in the same place, taking the lower part of her ear in his mouth. Every time he sucks gently on my ear, I feel his tongue gently flick across it in his mouth, shivers run through my whole body.
“What is your darkest secret?” he asks me with his husky voice
“I fell in love with a DJ”
He simply looks at me. We hold each other both afraid to say anything more, both not knowing what else to say. I tilt my head up and he brings his mouth to mine. Our lips brush softly. We both withdraw and I look into each other eyes before he pulls me closer. Our lips find each other again, only with more force this time. I open my mouth and the tip of my tongue moistens his lips. Our tongues wrestle and he takes my lower lip between his teeth and tugs it.
“I am so sorry Titti, we really really really need to go to that meeting”. James is standing there, and he looks really embarrassed.
Howard gently breaks our kiss, rests his lips on my forehead and hisses “I’m gonna kill him”
I laugh “no, you won’t. I’ll go to back to my work and I’ll see you tonight”
“I’ll be home, waiting for you. Anytime you can, you just ring my bell. I’ll be there for you”
“Don’t you have rehearsal?”
“Not going, I’d rather spend my time with you, I’ll talk to Gaz, he’ll come up with some good excuse for me”
“I’ll see you later then”
“You bet” and pulls away slowly, letting me go.
I’m about to walk back into the building when I run after him once more “Howard wait!”
He stops and smiles, hands buried in his coat “Do you miss me already?”
“Yes, that too, I need your ‘visitor’ pass back though, Joseph would kill him if don’t give it back”
“You’re gonna pay for it”
“Hu-hu”, I place a light kiss on his lips and go to my meeting.