STAND 33

“Talking about me ladies?” and Howard appears behind our backs.
“Of course love, we can’t just help it” I mock him
“Well, you don’t deserve it but dinner is ready. Sam I didn’t know you were coming back” and smirks “so I guess you’re break-up-to-be is already sick and tired of you” he checks his watch “this is your masterpiece! Not even 24 hours. I should call the people from the ‘Guinness World Record’. They’re gonna have a kick out of it. You’ve won their ‘Shortest relationship ever’ section for 5 years in a row now”.
I pat her knee and she bites her lip.
“For the record I am still seeing someone, and he has to work tonight, that’s why I came back for dinner”
“Of course, keep telling yourself that sis”
She gives him the finger.
“Howard leave her alone” I tell him
“And skip the fun part? Come to the kitchen and sit down so I can get started with my routine interrogation”
Sam looks at me “you’re so lucky to be an only child…so so lucky…maybe your parents would adopt me and put and end to my misery…”
“I’ll take care of him”
“Thanks but you don’t know what he’s like…” she sighs “no-one can save me. We better go and get over with it”.
He serves a wonderful risotto “so Samantha, I guess we should start with very simple questions.”
“How I’m not 15 anymore, you have no power over me and don’t call me Samantha, I hate it”
“We’ll see…” he’s about to add something else when I squeeze his hand and say “honey, this is our first-after-moving-in dinner, can we talk about something else?”
“You moved in?” Sam asks me
I nod and smile “he made me and offer I couldn’t refuse…”
“You begged for it” he corrects me
“I did not!”
“Yes you did!”
“No”
“Yes”
“My risotto is getting cold, Romeo and Juliet do you mind if I start eating?”
We laugh. Howard kisses my lips and turn to his sister “so, is he for real or he’s another of your fantasies like Mark Darcy or Han Solo?”
“Han Solo is mine” I point out and he rolls his eyes.
“He is very much real. And he’s a hell of a kisser and…”
“TOO-MUCH-INFORMATION” he shouts her up “so, does he have a name or do you ring a trainer’s bell and he comes to you drooling?”
I bite my lip trying not to laugh.
“He’s names is James and he’s working on his PhD. Do you know what it is Howard? I mean, you did not even finish kindergarten”
“Do I sense rebellion Samantha?”
“Yes, the freedom fighters are moving their final attack against the forces of the dark lord. That would be you bro”
“So, he’s finishing a PhD… which means he’s a man but doesn’t have a real job and hasn’t finished his studies. It’s so reassuring to know you still pick men from the loser catalogue”
“At least I don’t hire hookers”
He wasn’t expecting it. I giggle and he gives me his killer look, “That’s in past. And I had a plan”
“Code word ‘shag&pay’ bro?”
I can see Howard doesn’t like to be cornered “what does your little wonder do?”
“He has a real job”
“Surprise me”
“He works with your beloved. Actually, she introduced us” and waits for his reaction.
He turns to me. Not a happy face. I wave at him “never forget I love you Howard” I mumble.
“James? Working with you? I don’t remember any James” he says.
“Yes you do love, you met him the day you came to apologize after we had another big fight because you’re a moron. Do you remember now?”
He frowns, thinking about it. “Jack? The short bookworm? The nutter who’s always around when I try to kiss you? The pathetic sod who ruined our kiss in front of the British Library? The one who made a pass at you?”
“Enough! I guess Sam got the idea. But he’s not a nutter and he did not make a pass at me. I told you already.”
“His name’s James” Sam whispers
“Whatever. I know you really care about your position in the ‘Guinness World Record’ but this time you went too far. Honey” and he’s talking to me now “my beloved sister had a date with a member of the bookworm squad!” His eyes are back on Sam “wait till I call Glenn! I’m going to make his day! This is even better than the time you brought the Hare Krishna wannabe to my birthday party!” and laughs his loud belly laughter.
“Howard…” I warn him
“Titti, you know him. He cannot come up with a complete sentence if his life depends on it! And we should not ignore the fact he has the incredible talent of getting into my nerve by simply being alive”
“The whole point is that Sam has to like him, not you”
“I beg to differ”
“Do you want me to leave bro?” Sam is really annoyed
“No, he doesn’t want you to leave. Sam, why don’t you tell us something about your next job? Where are you going? Can I come with you?”

We finish dinner and Sam helps Howard cleaning up. I feel they need some time alone so I wish them goodnight and go to bed.

It’s almost midnight when Howard opens the door to our bedroom. He tiptoes inside. He thinks I’m asleep so doesn’t switch the lights on. I hear a deep ‘thud’ and I can hear him jumping on one leg and mumbling a series of “fuck it hurts”. *Ups, I left the pile of volumes of the Oxford Dictionary in the middle of the room…* and try not to giggle.
He makes it to our bed and pulls back the duvet as he slide in beside me. His warm hands slide around me from behind. I sigh as in deepest sleep and move away from him slightly. He moves after me and wraps his body along the contours of mine. I keep my breathing steady and it’s not long before Howard is asleep. His hot breath against my neck sounds like a lullaby to my ears. I can finally fall asleep too. Happy as I’ve never been before.


I’m in my office trying to work, even though it is hard to concentrate with James constantly on the phone with Sam babbling nonsense.
“James, I’m sorry to play the bad cop, but if you don’t get to work anytime soon before the end of the month you’ll never meet your deadline”
He looks at me “I know, I know. Don’t worry about me”
“I don’t, believe me” *if you lose your job I fear you’re going to blame Sam and eventually break up with her and it means she’ll never leave her brother’s house*
There’s a light knock on our office’s door “come in” I say.
Maddi appears on the door, she looks flushed and she’s panting. “Need to talk to you. Now”
“Hun, what happened?”
“Not here”
“Sure” I grab my coat and my purse.
“Where are you going? We still have another hour. You said you would help me proof-read the chapter” James complaints
“Shit! E-mail it to me. I’ll read it tonight” and I leave.
We’re inside the elevator “Maddi what happened? You’re scaring me”
“Not as much as I’m scared” her hands are shaking
“Did you have an accident? Did you fight with Mark? Don’t tell me the lilliputhan is cheating on you! I KNEW IT! That short SOB! I’m gonna kill him and once I’m done I’ll unleash Howard.”
“Let’s get to a café where we can talk, please”
I squeeze her hand, it’s cold.

We’re sitting at a table in the corner, two mugs with hot chocolates in front of us “Maddi you’re scaring me, what happened?”
She bites her lip “you’ve been asking me the same question for weeks…”
I look at her puzzled “what’s wrong honey?”
She sighs and fishes a small package out of her handbag. She gives it me.
“What is it?”
“A pregnancy test. My pregnancy test, it’s positive”
I look at her and cover my mouth with both hands. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god .... We need to calm down. You can't tell from one. They can be inaccurate. Did you buy at Boots? Mr. Boots is NOT a reliable source of information”
“I bought three packets. Three different brands, in three different shops. It’s a lot of tests and they’re all positive”
I jump from my seat and hug her “that is great news! Great news! Maddi, aren’t you happy?”
“I guess… I don’t know.”
“What about Mark? What did he say?”
“Nothing”
“Stupid son of a…”
She shushes me “he doesn’t know yet. I took the test at the restaurant and run here…I thought about calling him, but they have a photo shoot today. Outside of London and I can’t tell him on the phone… But I had to tell someone. We did talk about having a family, eventually. I didn’t realize eventually was today…”
I smile at her “well. Here’s my plan. You go home and wait for Mark now. No, we go shopping first, something for the baby, small and cute. We have it nicely wrapped. You go home and you give it to Mark. Make sure you have a camera ready to take a picture of his face when he’ll open it and realize he’s going to be a daddy”
She breathes deep “sounds like a good plan”
“I’m the queen of good plans”
She drinks her chocolate “I feel better already. I almost wet my pants on my way here”
I giggle “what for? You have been in love for so long… oh my god. You’re gonna be a mommy!” And we hug. “Think of all the shit you’ll be able to eat and no-one will be able to tell you a thing!”
She looks at me “you’re already doing it and you’re not even pregnant”
“You have a good point….but I’m not allowed to get fat. Oh! Who cares! You’re gonna be a mommy!”

I get home a couple of hours later, the ‘little shopping for the baby’ plan turned out to be a ‘lot of shopping for the mom and auntie to be’ plan.
I drop all the shopping bags on the floor and jumps in Howard’s arm squeezing my legs around his waist and circling my arms around his neck.
I plants butterfly kisses all over his face. He makes a disgusted look “stop it! stop it! What’s that for? What did you do? Don’t tell me I’ll have to pay for all those expensive things scattered on the floor. You know I haven’t cashed the check for the new tour yet” and holds me tight.
I brush my fingers through his hair “Maddi’s pregnant!” I yell.
“What? That is fantastic! But… I left Mark 20 minutes ago and he didn’t say a word…”
“Because he doesn’t know yet! And you need to promise me you’ll keep your sexy mouth shout until she tells him. And it should happen…” I check my watch “about NOW!”
He’s suddenly serious and sits on the stairs, still holding me. I straddle him.
“What’s wrong babe?”
“Promise me you’ll never do anything like that”
“Like what? I don’t understand” all of the sudden I’m scared he might not want that sort of commitment.
“Promise me if you get pregnant I’ll be the first one to know”
I look into his eyes and for the first time I feel I could cry with joy “cross my heart”.
He tilts his head up, while I bend mine down and our mouths come together in a gentle brushing way, our tongues just touching and then withdraw.
“I think it’s time for you to shag me senseless Mr. Donald”
“Yes Mad’m” he groans
And we hear the door open. “Sorry, sorry, sorry” Sam walks up the stairs stepping over us. “Don’t mind me, just passing through.”
“We need to find her a place to stay Howard” I whisper
“She’s my sister” he whispers back.
She reaches the top of the stairs and yells “I just hope this is just a stage. A short one! It’s gross. I bet you had sex on every single surface of the house. I actually have panic attacks every time I have to come back home. Believe me! The two of you eating each other’s face all the time IT’S NOT A PLEASANT VIEW. You’re adults for heaven’s sake!”
“You’re right. She has to go” he says to me laughing.