STAND 36

I’m checking my watch and literally running along the Strand when my phone rings.
“Maddi, love, I don’t really have time now” I tell her out of breath
“What are you doing? Sex?”
“Yeah right! I’m so late. I went for a little drink after the auction and got carried away. I should have been at the hairdresser almost half an hour ago. And I still have to shop for tonight’s dinner”
“Should I pretend to know what you’re talking about or ask you what the hell is going on?”
I stop and catch my breath “I have a little surprise planned for my beloved DJ. He’s meeting James, as in Sam’s new boyfriend. So I need to look at my best so he won’t kill me on the spot. Hairdresser and a new outfit.”
“And he doesn’t know”
“Surprise….! You know me, NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise”
“and fear” she finishes the quote for me
“If it was a question the answer is yes… I’m shitscared. God knows what I will have to come up with to make it up to him. But I owe it to Sam”
“Can I come?”
“It’s family only, but maybe I could charge you and let you enjoy the show.”
“Witch”
I laugh “I’ve been picturing Howard as Robert de Niro in ‘Meet the Parents’ all day. Giving his murderous look at James telling him ‘I will be watching you’…”
“It’s gonna be so much fun! BTW, speaking of fun stuff, I called Jay this morning”
“Did you make him cry?”
“Yes. That stupid SOB! He should have found someone else by now. It’s not like you’re so special. No offence”
“Not taken” and I laugh. “I count on Lara, I’ve heard she’s the queen of matchmaking”
“Who says that?”
“She does! Listen Maddi I need to go, call you tomorrow with a full report”
“But I’m bored. Isn’t there anything I can do to help you organize the dinner from hell?”
“Well…since you mentioned it… You’ve just been appointed Sam’s shopping guardian angel. She needs all the help we can give her. She shops at Primark! Can you believe it? I want you to make sure she’s showing up dressed like a woman for a change. Can you do that?”
“Yes Sir!” and I can just picture her standing to attention.
“I mean it”
“Selfridges?”
I sigh “I guess it’s a start. Thanks hun”

Almost two hours later I’m in a little boutique by Covent Garden pawing through the racks looking for something to buy when my mobile rings. I check the display. “James, how are you?”
“…erm, I’m fine thanks…”
“Did you miss me at the office today? You should see what I bought for us. For the library I mean. You’re going to be so happy”
“…..”
“James?”
“Sam told me about tonight’s dinner”
I try not to laugh “and?”
“Do you think it’s a good idea? Last time I saw him he told me he wanted to kill me, and it was before I started dating his sister”
“This is important to Sam. You need to be strong”
“I don’t think I can do it. Be strong I mean”
“James listen carefully. Usually it’s all about first impression. And we screwed up on that one”
He chokes.
“But we can still make it. Do you care about Sam?”
“Very much”
“So, I want you to be prepared. You’ll be assaulted…”
“I must tell you I don’t do well in physical confrontation”
“with questions James, questions. Don’t be so nervous. I need you to be ready to submit you manhood if it comes to it. If you survive the first meeting, it’s done” *I hope, don’t really know, never done anything like that before*
“So, do you have any suggestion?”
“Don’t show him you’re scared. Do not mention sex. Never. He’ll put you to the test. Look him right in the eyes. Show no fear James!”
“I’ll see what I can do… I did some research… since we met already… I was thinking about breaking the ice…. saying something funny like "Hey, didn't we meet at that swinger's party?"
“And DON’T crack pathetic jokes.”
“It’s not pathetic, it’s good”
“Sure you’ve just killed two birds with one stone, telling him his girlfriend is a slapper for sure and his precious sister could turn into one. Nice move, are you tired of living James?”
“Fuck, didn’t see it coming.”
You need to focus and pretend he’s naked right in front of you”
“Bloody disgusting”
“That’s the spirit. You need to do your best to seem intelligent, thoughtful and worthy to date his beloved sister"
“I am all of that”
“So it shouldn’t be hard.” I finally see something I like “need to go now. See you tonight and please, as I told Sam, dress to impress”.


“You told me not to be late, and I’ve been waiting for you for half an hour!” a very annoyed Howard is almost yelling on the mobile
*perfect, he’s pissed already. Perfect prelude to the perfect evening* “I’m so so sorry. But it’s not my fault. I’ll explain it later. I’m right in front of the restaurant, the time to pay the cabdriver and I’ll be there… babe?”
“What?”
“Do you see any familiar faces around you?” *Sam knows I’m always late. Please make her late too*
“Is it the full moon? What’s wrong with you women today?”
I swallow hard “what do you mean?”
“Sam. She went shopping today… when I told Glenn he almost had a stroke. I asked her what for and she mumbled some incoherent words. I bet is the swot’s fault.”
“How…”
“Just get here, alright?”
Few minutes later I step into the restaurant and I see him, by the bar, looking very impatient. He’s standing there holding a blood red rose. I look him over. He is so handsome and sexy I’m regretting the moment I invited Sam and James over for dinner. We’re going to waste so much time in pointless small talk. *Damn it* I meet his eyes and instantly his expression changes as his eyes travel up and down my body. A slow smile crosses his face while I walk toward him. “I missed you so much today” he says and holds his hand out to me and I slip mine into his. “This is for you” and gives me the rose.
I kiss his lips “I’m sorry for being late, again”
“I forgive you” and runs his fingers through my hair “They say we have a reservation for four. Who are we waiting for Titti?”
Before I can lie to him the hostess arrives and leads us towards our booth. Heads turn as we walk past to get to our table, I am surely the envy of most women. I like it and I smile to myself *he’s mine!* when I notice a redhead bitch winking at him. He notices her too and whispers into my ear with a satisfied look on his face “it looks like someone made quite an impression tonight”
I turn to look at him and I can tell from his reaction he gets the hint I’m furious.
“Honey I was jok…”
“Shut the fuck up” I hiss and walk back toward the table where the redhead is not smiling anymore. Howard tries to grab my arm “babe, it’s nothing” but I don’t listen to him.
I bang my hands on the table, towering the above mentioned bitch “I’m going to break your skinny legs and use your bones to play cricket” I threaten her.
She takes a sip of wine “I don’t know what you’re talking about”
I wink at her “wanna bet?”
“Honey, please. Our table is ready” Howard says to me in a sweet voice looking at her with his ‘I’m so sorry, we run out of her medication’ look.
“Alright then” I snap “but” and I’m back talking to her “if I catch you looking at him one more time you’re dead meat”
We walk back to our table, Howard’s arm around my waist “dead meat? Using her bones to play cricket? Who are you? What did you do with my Italian wimp?”
I bite my lip not to laugh “I don’t know what got into me. But I had to do something. Not knowing what I just pretended to be your sister. I think it worked it out pretty well. Don’t you?”
He chuckles and kisses my hair “I’m so glad you’re getting along with her. Don’t know why, since as you would say, one is a Jedi and the other one is a stormtrooper, but I’m really really glad”. We're seated in a corner booth, he gestures me to sit so he would slide in next to me as he usually does but I invite him to take a sit first.
“I’m pretty sure my mom taught me ladies first” he says amused
“No, I want you to sit between me and the wall. So I make sure the bitch won’t be able to check you out again” *making it also very difficult for you to leave if things with James don’t go as planned*
He shakes his head and we sit down. His arm drapes casually on the back of the booth as he orders our drinks. As I flip through the menu, I feel his hand on my shoulder causing me to shudder. I look over at Howard struggling not to snog him right here and now.
“So, who do I have to do small talk with tonight? Don’t tell me is one of your bookworms…”
“No love, it’s not…do you love me Howard?”
He looks at me surprised “of course I do”
“Good. We’re having dinner with Sam and James” and I bury my face behind the wine list.
I’m very concentrated on the range of Bordeaux they have, I can hear him breathing, which is usually not a good sing. He places his index finger on the top of the menu and lowers it. I rehearse my best, innocent smile. When I see his face the first thing that comes to my mind is that I should probably take a picture just in case someone might want to make a study on extremely pissed men. “You let me believe we were celebrating something special. I felt like shit this morning, I can still picture you, standing in front of me, hands on your hips. Do you have any idea how I feel? I bought you a fucking present to make it up to you”
“You bought me a present?” I look at him and I can’t help but laugh “you bought me a present just in case you were forgetting about a special occasion? You are too good to be true!”
“It’s not funny!”
“It is… I’m sorry love but it was so easy… let me see it”
“No way. I’ll bring it back”
“Over my dead body. It’s mine”
He grins “You’ll have to earn it”
I slowly slide my hand up his leg “do you get the hint babe?” I whisper.
“You’re not going to tease me here in public right? It’s a 5 star restaurant. In case you haven’t noticed there are people sitting around us.”
“Present” I repeat, but before he can add anything else his eyes are caught by something behind my shoulders. I turn around and I see the Sam and James walking to our table.
“Is that my sister?”
I must admit Maddi worked her magic one more time; she looks like Cinderella the night of the ball. “Yes she is”
“She looks different”
“Of course she is. Let me introduce her, she isn’t 5 anymore”
“I don’t like him, she can have better”
I intertwine my fingers into his “He’s the one she wants. Haven’t you noticed the way her eyes light up every time she talks about him?”
“I thought she had a temperature”
I look at him “I want you to promise me you’ll give him a chance”
I don’t like the wicked light in his eyes “oh, don’t worry, I’ll give it to him” and winks “you know me. I’m one warm man” and kisses me deeply. Everything seems fine, so why while his tongue is gently caressing my lips I feel like screaming ‘run for your life?’