STAND 38

"We're Back!" Sam yells as she sticks her head around the living room doorHoward looks up from the sofa, where he and Titti look very comfortable, lying on the sofa together, watching tv. Howard sent Sam and James out to get food. They took a detour to the pub and are now a little bit tipsy
"We have food!" she says, cheerfully.
James, who is now standing beside her, holds up a couple of carrier bags and smiles.
They go out to the kitchen. James puts the shopping bags on the table and helps Sam to put the food shopping away.
As she shuts the door of the fridge James puts his arms around her and kisses her.
"Don't they ever go out?" he asks, taking off the woolly hat she borrowed from her brother and is still wearing and kissing her ear lobe.
Sam laughs.
" Shush!" she says, returning his kiss.
"I just want..." he continues, slipping his hand up the back of her blouse.
"I know." she whispers. “Me too.”
He shuts the kitchen door and kisses her long and hard, pushing his tongue into her mouth with a sense of urgency
"We can't do it here," Sam says breathing deeply.
"Where do you suggest? Your brother is in the house. We can’t go upstairs now and I can’t wait” he says trying to unhook her bra
"James!" she says, as she feels the hooks on her bra come undone. She tries desperately to do it back up, but he puts his hands up the front of her blouse and cupped her breasts, making it impossible.
“Wait!” she says, trying not to give in and let him have her right there and whilst Howard and Titti are watching the end of the Eastenders Omnibus.
“I don’t think I can,” he says looking down at his crotch as he lightly ran his fingers over the ends of her nipples.
“Please.”
He removes his hands. He unzips his jacket and takes it off, in a vain attempt to distract himself.
Sam knows it wouldn’t be long before Howard and Titti come looking for something to eat.
I have an idea,” she says and picks up her camera from the table with one hand and takes James by the hand with the other.
"We'll be in the study, on the pc, if you need us!" she says holding up her digital camera as they walk by Howard and Titti. There’s food and drink in the fridge.”
" Okay "Howard says, raising an eyebrow. She looks red and hot. He doesn’t want to think what his sister and her boyfriend have just been up to in the kitchen.
Yes! James thinks and as they go out the room he slips his hand down to Sam's bum and gives it a playful slap
"Jack!" Howard shouts. “You behave yourself with my sister!"
"For the last time, Howard, his name is James!" Sam says, rolling her eyes as she leads James out with a bounce in his step.
"Whatever," Howard says. He smiles to himself. He knows perfectly well his name is James.
“You are so cruel!” Titti says and snuggles up close to him.
Sam and James go into the study. James closes the door behind them and Sam pulls the wooden slats of the blind shut.
"I should really upload these pictures," she says as she puts her camera down.
"I was thinking of uploading something else," James said, putting his arms around her and pulling her close. He kisses her neck, breathing in her scent.
"And what might that be?" she asks
"I think you know," he says and pulls out a condom packet from his jeans pocket
"Ta da!" he said, grinning.
"Why James! You came prepared," she smiles and pulls him close to her and kisses him.
He unbuttons her blouse and she slips off her already unfastened bra.
He lowers his mouth to her breasts and licks each nipple, teasing them with his tongue, until they are hard.
"I want you," she moans, breathlessly
He slid his hands up underneath her skirt and into her pants. She is wet with anticipation
"Yeah?" he asks, teasing her just a little bit.
She unbuckles his belt and undoes the buttons on his fly. He carefully pulls his jeans and boxers down
She kisses him and runs her hand along the length of his manhood.
"Yeah," she replies and caresses him a littler harder
"Sit on the desk," he says, running his fingers through her long dark curls and pulling them back so he can see her face.
She steals a kiss and another as she undresses and then sits herself on the desk.
She watches as he steps out of his jeans and boxers, trying not to trip.
“I love you,” she says spontaneously.
He looks up at her as he opens the packet and smiled.
When he is ready he comes back to her, placing one hand on her buttock and the other over her hand as he pins it back against the wall. She squeezes his hand tightly and with her free hand guides him into her. They both closes their eyes to enjoy the moment of penetration
"How does it feel?" he asks, opening his eyes as he begins to move himself back and for the inside her.
"It feels good," she moans
He fucks her a little harder, banging the back of the desk against the wall in time with their breathing and moaning
"Do you like it?” he asks, trying to catch his breath as he comes inside her
“Yes!Yes!Yes!” she cries out……
Afterwards they sink down to the floor. Both are sweaty, hot and wet and grinning like Cheshire cats, happy after sex
Suddenly there is a knock at the door causing them both to jump.
"Sam! Ja...James. Would you like a brew?" It is Howard.
"You could try being a little kinder," Titti had said to him. “I could?" he asked.
“Your sister's crazy about him."
“She is?”
She nodded. It hadn’t crossed his mind that Sam might be serious about him
"I could," he decided. "I'll switch the kettle on, make some tea."
James and Sam look at each other and both start laughing
"Please!" Sam manages before she crumples to the floor in fits of laughter, pulling James to her.
"Is everything okay?" Howard asks
"Fine!" Sam says, her and James still giggling like a couple of love struck teenagers.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Howard marches back into the kitchen where I’m eating some ice-cream. “The useless bookworm was shagging my sister in the study!” he bursts out “in MY study!”
I laugh “so what?”
“What do you mean so what? It’s my sister we’re talking about! God knows what filthy things…” and notices I’m staring at him, hands on my hips. I’m no longer eating my ice-cream. It’s not a good sign and he knows it.
“What…?” he whispers, not knowing if he’s supposed to ask a question or simply beg for forgiveness.
“And we’re back to square one! We did it too. For the record we did it in your study, here in the kitchen, in the living room and on the stairs. Which, by the way, isn’t going to happen again. Fucking uncomfortable. And I am not making a PUN! I didn’t hear you complaining about it”
“We’ve never done it in the bathroom” he tries to crack a joke.
“Don’t do shower sex. And don’t even think about changing the topic.”
“Babe, come on, you know, with you it’s different…”
By the look in my eyes he understands the thin ice he was walking on is breaking.
“You know what I mean…”
“No, I don’t, really. Why don’t you tell me?”
“Us, that’s what different” smiles to himself thinking is skating is way out “I am different” and smirks. “Can you imagine the bookworm having sex? He must be a disaster…”
“You think so? I was talking to your sister yesterday and she told a very different story”
“You talk… about sex… with my sister?”
I nod “of course I do”
It takes him a minute to collect himself “I don’t care what she might say. He’s too young to know what women want”
*too easy, don’t do it, be a good girl and behave. Uh-oh, I don’t think so*
“Well, I bet what he lacks in experience makes it up with energy. I mean, he’s SO young”
His face drops for a second, then marches toward me making his scary eyes. “Young eh?” and kisses me senseless. “First I’m going to tell you what I am going to do to you” and caresses my breasts.
The door opens, he can’t see it but I do. “Howard, enough” I say in a casual tone
“And then I’m going to do it to you and I promise you’re going to beg for it young lady”. One of his hands travels up my thigh.
“Howard I said enough” and I see both Sam and James covering their mouth and pissing themselves laughing.
“It’s never enough love. I’m gonna shag you right now. Here in the kitchen” circles my waist and pulls me closer. He grins “what do you think? Are you ready for some Donald action babe?”
“I am, but maybe your sister isn’t. Would you like to ask her? She’s standing right behind you”.


Howard, Gary, Mark and Jason are standing in front of a large mirror. They’re staring at their reflection. None of them dare to speak. Mark runs his fingers through his hair, turn around to look at his butt.
Then the looks at Howard “no fucking way I’m going on stage, after 10 years, wearing tights. My ass look huge, and it is NOT huge”
Howard and Jason start snorting. “This is so bad. We really can’t”
Their costume designer throws his arms in the air “you don’t understand! You have no idea what fashion is! The large white shirt over black tights will give your audience a moment to think…”
“how to get their money back?” Jason suggests laughing
“NO, no, no” he replies hysterically, “this is theatre” and bounces around them “this is British history, this is Hamlet!” and bows
“You’re fired” Howard tells him
“What? You CANNOT fire me!”
“I just did”
He looks at the other three, who seem hypnotized by their outfits.
“Fine! But you’ll regret it! I am out of here!” and slams the door behind him.
“Not a moment too soon” Mark says and burst into a fit of laughter.
Gary smacks his head. “I know! I know who we are!”
Howard looks at him “that’s reassuring mate, we’re Take That”
“No, we’re not”, and looks at him, “remember what we watched about a month ago?”
Howard nods “you’re a bloody genius! Can I be Robin?”
And they both start singing“We're men, MANLY men, we're men in tights. Yeah!We roam around the forest looking for fights.We're men, we're men in tights.We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right!We may look like pansies, but don't get us wrong or else we'll put out your lights.We're men, we're men in tights (TIGHT tights),Always on guard defending the people's rights.When you're in a fix just call for the men in tights!”
Jason and Mark look at them shaking their heads. “They need to stop watching Mel Brook’s movies…” Jason says “time to get changed guys”
Gary pirouettes around “look at me, I’m dancing Hamlet”
Howard is laughing so hard he leans his head on Jason’s shoulder. They basically haven’t been talking since Gary’s birthday party. They look at each other “Come on man in tights, we need to get changed before someone takes a picture of us putting an end to our come back before we have the chance to perform” Jay tells him
“You’re right” but they don’t move
“I’m sorry Howard. What I did has no excuse”
He pats his shoulder “I know, it’s fine now. We’re fine.”
He sighs “I’m glad. Titti and I weren’t meant to be. I know now. I met someone else”
“Really?” Gary asks “don’t tell me my wife has anything to do with it. We need to have another kid soon. She has way too much time on her hands”Jason smiles.
“Howard, what about get together for a coffee or something this weekend? We will both be in Manchester” Mark asks him
“Of course Markie. I would love to. I don’t think we spend too much time together” he answers him
“Are you making fun of me?”
“No, I would never do it. I’m too busy spending every waken moment with you shortie”
“Is Titti coming with you?” Jason asks him
“Of course she is, time to meet my family”
“No, no, no, you don’t understand. It’s going to be a disaster; you need to be with her all the time. She’s a time bomb. For no reason she is to be left alone with your mother”
“Don’t worry Jay, she won’t screw up”

“I am so going to screw up” I tell Maddi. We’re having lunch at Holland Park.
“No you won’t”
“Yeah, right. Maybe if you hit me with a baseball bat in the head I could fall into a coma and skip the pilgrimage to mommy’s shrine”
“Stop it”
“This is good” I say while eating my sandwich “I can tell you’re one fine cook”
She rolls her eyes “it’s ciabatta with ham, mozzarella cheese, and sun dried tomatoes. Even you could do it. No, I’m sorry. I almost forgot who I’m talking to”
“You are really funny, and incredibly fat too”
She smacks my head “I’m pregnant”“Yeah, I believe you, I know somewhere under all that fat there must be a baby the size of a goldfish”
“Cow”
“Can I have your sandwich too?”
“No, I need strength”10 children from a local kindergarten stop by a large tree near us and with the help of their teacher they start singing “The wheels on the bus go round and round,
round and round,
round and round.
The wheels on the bus go round and round,
all through the town.”
I shake my head annoyed “What for are you running the marathon?”
She’s about to say something but I precede her “no, you’re pregnant” and we both laugh.
“So, Maddi, why are we here? February is not exactly the hottest of the months and you should not be freezing your pregnant ass”
“It’s cold but sunny, don’t you love it?”
The kids have never stopped singing and dancing“The horn on the bus goes Beep, beep, beep;
Beep, beep, beep;
Beep, beep, beep.
The horn on the bus goes Beep, beep, beep,
all through the town…”
“Damn midgets. Shouldn’t they be doing something more productive, like sleeping? And to answer you question, no, I don’t like it”
“That’s not true”
“I love hot stuff. That’s why I’m with Howard!” and wink
“You’ll do just fine in Manchester, and I’ll be there too”
“Really? So you could come and rescue me? Promise?”
“Promise”
The volume of the kids’ voices raise “The money on the bus goes, Clink, clink, clink;
Clink, clink, clink;
Clink, clink, clink.
The money on the bus goes, Clink, clink, clink,
all through the town.”
I look at their teacher who gives me the ‘they are a blessing and if you don’t like them it’s your problem’. Maddi squeezes my arm. I look at her, “ready to run?”
“Please don’t….” she begs but it’s too late.
I stand up and sing “The Driver on the bus says ‘shut the fuck up’"
Maddi looks at me while running down the park and laughing our heads off “I cannot believe you did it again”. We reach the exit and we stop to catch our breath, she looks at me “can I do the singing next time?”