STAND 39

Howard steps back into the house “there you go, we’re all packed and read to hit the road!” he tells Sam.
“Too bad I’m not coming. I would love to see her butchered by the Donald army. You have no idea what ideas Glenn has come up with later”
He looks at her serious “what ideas? Why? What does he know?”
“You mean about you and your hot Italian lady, or should I say girl, as in 15 years old girl…”
“Tell me you’re kidding”
“Fine, if it makes you happy, I’m kidding”
“You didn’t tell him” he hisses
“Of course not” she mocks him
“She trusted you”
“She said she doesn’t care, she told me I could tell people”
“Sam sometimes I need to fight the urge to strangle you”
She smiles “you couldn’t hurt me, I’m your baby sister”
“No, you are the devil”
“I have something to make it up to you. Happy Christmas!” Sam says, handing him a small elegantly wrapped parcel tied with a large bow
"It's February!" he protests.
"Can't a sister buy her bro a present?" she asks, smiling sweetly
Howard looks at her. He doesn't trust her for one moment"Open it then," she says. She can’t wait to see the reaction on his face. He unties the bow and unwraps the gift. Inside is a t-shirt. He takes it out and looks at Sam.
"It's a t-shirt," he says
“Very good, bro” she replies. " Your brain hasn’t totally lost its ability to recognize objects after those years in the paint shop?”
She is so gonna get a mouthful from him in a moment.“You have to unfold it” she says impatiently.He unfolds it. There in big green glittery letters are the words ‘IT’S JAMES NOT JACK!!!’
The look on his face is priceless.“Perhaps you’ll remember now” she says looking him in the eye and walks out the room, roaring with laughter.
“Sam, are you going upstairs?” he yells
“Yes!” she answers
“Would you get my sunglasses? They’re inside the first drawer of my nighstand”
“No prob!”

In the meantime I’m sitting on my bed talking on the phone with Maddi “why are you whispering?” she asks me.
“Because I don’t want them to hear me. Howard has already put our bags into the trunk. Oh God Maddi help me. I don’t want to go. We both know if I go I’m going to be single and desperate by Sunday night”
“You aren’t. You are overreacting”
“I’m not! And you say because you’re the perfect daughter in law. Everybody loves you! While I’m so peeved Howard asked me if it’s possible to suffer from PMS twice a month”
I hear her laughing, “that’s helpful, thank you my German friend. Besides Sam is moving out this week-end and I saw her new, it’s not technically a flat…I don’t even know what to call it,. Anyway, I guess she realizes it’s a big mistake and she’s charmingly pissed too. She has been looking at me in a disturbing way”
“You’re paranoid”
“I’m telling you, she looks at me like I’m some hairy spider on the wall she’s about to smash with one of her stylish clogs. Speaking of which, yesterday she saw my shoes…”
“All of them? At once? Does she have superpowers?”
“You are not needed in this conversation, I’m just telling you things! So, she saw them and she has been bitching about me since then”
“With whom?”
“Howard! And he has been looking at me with…”
“You’re psycho”
I’m about to answer her when Sam almost slams the door to my bedroom and marches toward Howard’s nightstand without acknowledging my presence in the room.
I place a hand on the receiver “what are you doing here?”
“None of your business” she hisses opening the first drawer.
“Maddi, I’m sorry but I’ll have to call you back” I turn to her “I beg to differ. This is MY bedroom and I would appreciate if you could knock before coming in”
She gives me a sneaky look “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought this was MY brother’s house”
*uh-oh* “And you’re right. Last time I checked I live here”
“I do to”
“No, you’re moving out” and I smirk
Howard is standing by the door looking at us “what’s going on in here?”
“Your girlfriend here thinks she can tell me what to do in your home!”
He looks at me.
“Your sister entered without knocking!”
“I don’t knock”
“I trust you can learn, it shouldn’t be hard”
She’s about to shout back when Howard bursts out “ENOUGH! Both of you”. He points his finger at me “if you were tougher I would just lock this door and let you deal with whatever it’s happening. But…”
“You’re a wimp and I would beat the shit out of you shoes queen” she says mocking me
I look at him surprised and hurt. Howard walks to me and places his hands on my waist and kissing my lips. I smile at Sam *see?* when he says “you are a wimp and she would beat you to a pulp. So I guess I’ll just take you downstairs so we can leave. Both of you will have an entire week-end to think about what happened and I expect you to be reasonable and behave like adults on Monday”
“She won’t be here on Monday” I tell him smiling “she’s moving out”.
She places her hands on her hips “I talked to Justin, I bet you won’t be here either”
“Howard!” I yell “tell her to stop”
“The two of you are getting into my nerve! Apologize, both of you”
He grabs our arms, we’re standing face to face.
“Shake hands!” he commands.
We do, “Sorry Sam… I guess I overreacted a little”
“…yes you did…but I should have knocked”
“There you go! It wasn’t so hard, was it?”

He starts the car, we’re ready to go when Sam runs toward us holding something in her hand “wait, wait, I have something for you”.
I open the window and I take it. “Open it” she tells me
I do and I see one her framed pictures. It’s the one she took on the top of Butt Green on Christmas day. Howard is walking ahead of me, he looks so sad and hopeless, his curls stretched by the wind. I’m walking behind him, furious, my eyes half closed. The blue of the sky contrasts sharply with the green grass.
“It’s beautiful, thanks Sam” I am truly moved.
She smirks “don’t mention it. I called it Morons on the Rocks! Drive safely bro”.


We’re parked in front of his mother’s house. I’m holding his hand tight. He smiles trying to reassure me. “Don’t worry about it. To them Camilla was an all time low, so no matter what you do, you’ll still represent an improvement…”
I don’t laugh “…you don’t think Sam told your brothers about us… about us 10 years ago I mean…”
He can’t lie to me “it doesn’t matter….” And before I can say anything back he leans down and kisses me gently; putting all the emotions he’s feeling into it. I respond with a small sigh as I kiss him back. He runs his fingers through my hair as our kiss deepens.
“It doesn’t matter, I’m gonna be there and I’m ready to do some serious ass kicking” he says
I chuckle
“You smiling? Are you smiling?” and caresses my hair
I nod
“Good, let’s go now” and it’s a good thing I can’t read his mind because he knows perfectly well Sam and Glenn must be up to something.
The door opens and his mother smiles at me “it was about time!” and hugs me tight. I don’t know what to do with my hands, so I gently pat her shoulders. Howard gives me the thumbs up.
“I’m so happy you’re finally here, I’ve heard so many things about you”
My face drops, my hand looks for Howard’s. His fingers intertwine mine and he kisses my cheek. His mother looks at him.
“How, love, why don’t you carry your bags to your room so I can have a little chat with your girlfriend?”
I shake my head “I’m sorry but I’m not feeling very well. I get carsick. Do you mind if I lie down?”
“Of course no dear” and she gives me a concerned look. I follow Howard up the stairs. He closes the door of our bedroom. I stare at him “take me back to London, I’m begging you. Take me back”
He pulls me close to him, my body resting against his “it’s going to be fine”
“Liar”
And we hear a knock on the door, “come in” he says
His mother walks in, “Honey, your brothers are here, go downstairs and make sure Glenn stays away from my stew, and I have an aspirin for Titti”
I grab is shirt “don’t” I whisper
He smiles and walks out. I sit on the bed, staring at my hands on my lap “I’m sorry, but I really love him” I whisper
“I can tell. The fact you’re here means a lot to me. I met Jay’s mother. You made quite an impression!” and laughs
I look at her “I think I did” and I smile shyly.
She sits by me “I had a long phone call with my son last night”
“Really?”
“Yes, he loves you very much. And that’s enough to me. I would like to get to know you. But I cannot guarantee for my other children…Glenn has a look I don’t really like. I bet Howard is already smacking his head. It could not be enough though. He can be trouble…”
I bite my lip not to laugh. “I think I can handle him”
“If half of the things Jane told me are true I’m sure you can. Let’s go downstairs now”
I follow her mesmerized. When we get into the living room I have a very large number of eyes on me. Howard’s three brothers are there, plus their fiancées. One of them takes large steps toward me with his arms spread open “Titti! At last!” and kisses my cheek “I’m Glenn”. *Judas* “my sister told me so much about you. As a matter of fact she can’t stop talking about you. I feel like I’ve know you forever. Maybe that’s an exaggeration… let’s say for the past 10 years”
Now I know how people at the Alamo felt like. I smile my best smile “So nice to meet you and hello to everyone”
Glenn tightens his hug when Howard comes to my rescue. “Enough bro, we get the hint you’re happy to meet her”
We’re sitting on the couch. “Glenn how was your trip?” he asks him
“Where have you been?” I need to bring him to my side
He looks at me grinning “Amsterdam”
“Really?” I tell him excited “have you visited the Van Gogh’s museum?”
Howard squeezes my hand “Babe, never mention the word museum, book or theatre in front of him. They’re like kryptonite to Superman, they cause immediate physical pain and debilitation, reduce his powers, and might even kill him within hours.”
Glenn looks at both of us, he has Howard’s mischievous look. “No museum, I went window shopping…” and winks.
It takes me a couple of minutes to get his hint, I swallow “nice…” and that’s a big mistake because it was just what he was waiting for.
“It was interesting. There were 15…” I turn pale, Howard gives him his ‘don’t even think about it’ look “…shops I really liked” he ends his sentence.

During dinner Glenn keeps tormenting me, little jokes here and there.
“The stew is so good, I haven’t had anything so good in years” I tell Kathleen.
Glenn looks at me, “years…could we say you haven’t had anything so good in 10 years? I mean my bro is fit but time…”
“Stop it” Howard hisses
“No love, let him speak. What do you mean Glenn?”
“Thanks Titti, sometimes my big brother can be so annoying! I’m trying to have a conversation here” he smirks “so Titti, would you say that if you try something when you’re younger…a teenager maybe…things my have a different …taste?”
His mother looks at us puzzled.
“Glenn, I-said-enough” Howard hisses him giving him his killer look but he ignores him.
“I’d like to know you better Titti, ten years ago I was working in London, Sam was going to school, Doug was doing his tour, and where were you?”
The room fall silent, meaning one thing only the ALL know. Howard squeezes my hand, but I stand up and walk to his brother. I cup his face and I bend my head to kiss him. I lick his lips searching for access. He’s so surprised he lets my tongue slide inside his mouth. I kiss him long and hard. Then I stand up pulling his loose curls back. “10 years ago I met a wonderful man and I felt in love with him. The only problem is I’m a slow learner – I bet you know what it feels like - and it took me a long time to realize it.”
Howard is about to choke; I turn to him and smile walking back to my sit “Glenn?”
“Yes …Titti” he babbles
“You are one pathetic kisser, no wonder you’re still single”


The following morning I’m in the kitchen with Howard’s mother. She’s making pancakes.
“Is Howard still sleeping?” she asks me
I nod “for once I was able to get up without having to dislocate my shoulder in order to free myself from his embrace”. I look at her busy with pots and pans.
“Do you want to help me making them?” she asks
“Me? Cooking? You must have missed the bit in which I’m an accident waiting to happen”
“I could help you”
I cross my arms lowering my eyes “Maddi tried already. A complete disaster”
“I bet it was years ago… maybe 10 years ago?” and winks at me.
I smile “3 days ago” I don’t know why but I feel I can tell her “I wanted to cook dinner for Howard. Went grocery shopping, Maddi gave me very simple and detailed recipes. I worked all day and what came out looked like a Shrek puree…”
“I bet my son ate it all”
“He doesn’t know. I throw everything away and ordered some Lebanese”
I feel two hands circling my waist from behind and a wet kiss on my neck “you should have told me…”
I caress his hair snuggling against him “you shouldn’t listen to private conversations, it’s not polite”
“Maybe you should talk to my mother about it”
We all laugh “Bugger off How” she tells him, “breakfast’s almost ready”
“Yes mom”, kisses her forehead and goes into the living room
“No need for that sad look” she says “you can survive without cooking”
“What if…” and I realize I’m going too far and bite my lip.
“If you have children you mean?”
“Well… we haven’t talked about it but…”
“I think you have”
I look at her puzzled.
“Howard told me about Terrence and Hannah”
I laugh “…I almost forgot about them. It was supposed to be joke… I almost choked that day. And those names. I don’t know how he came up with them”
She gives me a knowing smile “what do you mean?”
“Terrence and Hannah, random names…I bet they were the first ones coming to his mind”
She caresses my head “T and H, it doesn’t look random to me”
The spoon I’m holding falls on the floor “oh mamma” *I am dumb, really really dumb*