NOBODY 3

“It is time for us to go. We’re catching a plane back to England tomorrow morning and I still have to pack.”
“It was good to see you”
“Yes it was, I enjoyed our little walk down memory lane. Antigone, say goodbye to Robert”
“Bye bye” and she kisses him on the check “and thanks for everything, it was a pleasure meeting you”
“Are you real? Are you Howard’s daughter? Maybe being a savage skipped a generation”
I hug him “take care of you Robbie. And if you come to London give me a call. Here is my card. I could cook you dinner”
“Don’t you think the tabloids are already trashing my image enough without adding a suicide attempt to the dreadful picture of Robbie’s life? Maybe I could take you out for a drink”
“I don’t drink, don’t you remember?”
“Oh yeah! That is true. With all your books and your ‘I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t…’” and he stops. “Since you and Howard split up I can say he told us juicy stuff, or the lack of juicy stuff, about your sex life whose details should remain unsaid though”
I give him my evil look “what did he tell you?”
“I’m sooooo not going there, but you need to know we used to call you ‘the Italian tight ass’. Not in front of Doug though. We did not dare. Funny how young people care about staying alive.”
“The Italian tight ass? It sorts of describe me, but I might need to have a word with the little three pigs back at home”
“I’ll buy you dinner, it’s a date”
“Deal”.


I collect the bags, place them on a trolley and I put Antigone on top of them. We head towards the exit door of Heathrow airport. Among the many people waiting outside I spot a familiar face smiling at us and holding a huge pink banner with sparkling green letters “WELCOME HOME PRINCIPESSA”. *Boy is good*
“Daddy, daddy!” and she runs hugging him like we’re back from a 6 months journey to the Moon and back.
“Here you are, I missed you so much sweetheart, so so much, and you too Nene”
“Daddy you are funny”
“Am I funny?” and looks at me.
“Comical” I answer.
He gets the trolley “Let me push it, it’s a man’s job. The car is parked outside and I made you dinner. So we can have something light and put Nene to bed”
“We? You went into my house?”
“I cooked you dinner, and it’s not like I broke into, you gave the keys”
“For emergencies” I’m starting to raise my voice, but I acknowledge Antigone is right there with us, so I smile politely “we’ll talk about it later”.
“Can’t wait”.


“Daddy I made you a necklace” and she ties it around his neck.
“Nene it’s fantastic. The best present I’ve ever received. And it’s all made of shells, which you didn’t bother to rinse off. I can feel the sand running under my shirt. I’m so lucky and itchy!”
She laughs; *he’s a ladies’ man, no doubt about it*.
I am putting the dishes in the dishwasher when Antigone decides to give her father a detailed account of the whole necklace project “I found all of them by myself. By the ocean. I went there with mummy and friend of ours. It was super fun”.
“Aunt Tricia was there?”
“Noooooooo. He is a man and he is funny. Not like uncle Mark funny, but almost”
“A man?” and he’s asking me now.
I pretend not to notice.
“Yep! He works with mum”
“And what’s the name of this almost funny man working with your mum”? asking me again, still ignoring him. I’ve been there before, didn’t like it at all.
“Robert, R-O-B-E-R-T”
“God bless uncle Jason for introducing you and us to the joys of the spelling bee. And how old is Robert?”
“Ohhhhh he’s very old”
“Good” and looks at me. Still not paying any attention to him.
“Like you old”
“I’m not old! I’m in my prime and fascinating” and starts tickling her “It’s bed time now. Give mummy a kiss and we go”
“Good night mummy”
“Good night sweetheart, sogni d’oro”
“I’ll be right back” I look at Howard walking up the stairs and I picture him as the Monty Python’s Tomas de Torquemada repeating to himself ‘NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition!’

*But I am ready, I should just train myself not to care so much about what he thinks of my acquaintances*

I make some herbal tea – Jason taught me well – when Howard walks through the door.
“She felt asleep right away. Fennel? Bleah! I need to have a word with Jay. He’s messing around with my women way too much! Who’s Robert?”
“I don’t want you to come into my house when I’m not there. That’s the reason why I moved out. To have a place I could call my own, not ours, mine alone”.
“I cooked you dinner, that was supposed to be nice surprise. Never heard of a Robert before”
“That’s not the point. I need you to respect my privacy”
“I do respect your privacy. Why is there a password to access your PC? A Fergus, a Stephen and a Roland even, but no Robert. Positive!”
“You met him, trust me. You accessed my PC?”
“Of course not! You have a password! Are we having trust issues?” and smiles.
“Your charm is wasted on me. I want my keys back”
He looks at me, takes his time and places them on the table. “There you go, I hope you’re happy”
“Thanks. Wait a minute. Howard Paul Donald, did you make copies?”
“Maybe”
“I must have been a fascist dictator in my previous life to deserve you in this one”
“We had good times”
“Yes we had, now I’m tired, bugger off”
“Sweet dreams” and kisses my forehead, slowly, while his hand move from my neck down to my back and on my butt.
“Don’t even think about that”
He gives me his killer look “for old time’s sake? Maybe I could…” and nibbles my ear “give you a massage … I miss you so much”
My body is more than ready for him, always been but my brain takes over “No thanks, I’ve been there. Don’t you remember?”
“How could I forget?” and he’s still caressing me.
I have chills going down my spine “Now go, please”
He sighs and whispers “I’ll go, but if you change your mind - Just give me a town and I'll be straight down”
“Thank you Howard, you doing Mark’s impression? A major turn off”