I FELL IN LOVE WITH THE DJ 3

“Mark has invited us clubbing tonight…and I was thinking we could have dinner at your favorite restaurant before. I told him to join us”
I snuggle against him “I was thinking we could stay in, watch a movie and let you cuddle me for hours instead”
He looks at me “as appealing as it may sound there’s a whole world outside those walls. And Mark needs our support. We need to find him a girlfriend, I feel like I adopted him…” and laughs
“Home…” I whine
“It’s Friday, you don’t have to work tomorrow”
“pleaseee …it has been such a long week…”
“Fine” he says disappointed, “but you break the news to the saddest man alive” and hands me his mobile so I can call Mark.

The next morning we’re having breakfast, he stares at me playing with my food.
“It’s just bread, you should be able to keep it down” he says almost annoyed “you have to eat, you’re the only pregnant woman I know who’s losing weight, you and Mia Farrow in Rosemary's baby'”
“Yes, but my tits are getting bigger” and I smirk
“It’s not funny, and you’re face is of a strange color”
“I’m fine, as soon as I have a spare minute I’ll see a doctor but I don’t think there’s anything I can take to get rid of the nausea”. I get the Independent, I give him the sport section and we both start reading it.
“How, have you called the travel agency?” I ask
“Why would I?”
“To cancel the trip” I almost whisper
“What are you talking about?”
“You don’t really think I can fly to Africa, do you?”
“What’s the problem?”
“I’m pregnant, I don’t want to take any risk”
He puts the newspaper down and stares at me, I know he’s struggling to remain calm. Howard’s mood has darkened. His eyes are narrow and uncommunicative. “I’ve been planning our vacation for months. I first had to check your days off at the university, I crossed that information with places we could go to, hot, exotic places. Once I decided it was going to be Zanzibar it took me forever to find the right resort. It’s all planned out, day trips, swimming with the dolphins. We’re going, end of discussion”
I place my hand on his “I’m so sorry, but we’ll have to postpone it. We could go when the baby is born. ”
“Sure” he says bitterly “unless WE decide to have another child, we wouldn’t want our kid to feel lonely, would we?”
“There’s no reason to be so sarcastic. I could use some support here”
“What about me? Don’t I deserve some too? I’m going on tour in a few months, does it mean you’re not coming with me? You promised. That’s why you got your sabbatical. So you could be with me”
“If I feel fit enough to travel around Europe I’ll come”
“IF?” and stand up pushing his chair so hard it falls on the floor.
I jump, “there’s no need to be so dramatic”
I points his finger at me “you promised this pregnancy wouldn’t get on the way”
“It’s not! If you’d try to understand…”
“I don’t have to! You promised you wouldn’t let anything happen to us… let me tell you professor, it’s-not-working!”
“Howard…”
“Not now!” and leaves the kitchen.
I know there’s no point in trying to talk some sense into him right now, so I try to slowly sip some orange juice. After half an hour I hear the front door opening and close with a loud slam.
“Have a nice day too you too” I mumble to myself.

By 8 p.m. I receive a text ‘going out with Mark. Care to join us?’ the fact he’s not calling means is still really mad at me.
I stare at my mobile, I cannot face him in a crowded club ‘no thanks, I’m tired. Have fun’
‘I will’. I so don’t like the sound of it.

My mobile rings. “What are you doing?” Jo asks me
“I’m melting into the sofa…my ass fits perfectly in the left cushion…and I’m watching ‘Dodgeball’…again”
“That’s a retarded movie. You’re the only person I know who likes it and laugh all the times at the same scenes…”
I laugh.
“What just happened?”
I snort and repeat, “If you're going to become true dodgeballers, then you've got to learn the five d's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!”
“Sometimes I ask myself if you’re bipolar”
“I’m genius, it’s different. What are you doing home on a Saturday night Mrs. Orange?”
“Jason is cooking dinner, we’ve some one-on-one tutorial planned for later…” and giggles
“I guess it’s true, first come best served”
“What do you mean?”
“You chose first and got the best member of the band…Howard is out with Mark and I’m home with Ben Stiller”
“Why you didn’t go?”
“I’m tired and we had a huge fight this morning”
“So soon…you’re having a baby he’ll have to grow up” she whispers
“I don’t see it happening….”
“I’m here if you need me”
“Thanks.”

At 1 a.m. I give up waiting for him and drag myself to bed. I fall asleep, waking every so often to check the time on the alarm clock. When he gets home is past 3. I hear him getting undressed and take a quick shower. I can’t ask him what has been up to so late. He climbs into bed and spoons behind me, warm and clean, his hair is wet and smelling of my shampoo. He puts his hands on my breasts and kisses the nape of my neck.
“You sleeping?” he whispers softly
I try to keep my breathing steady and deep. *why do people shower at 3 in the morning? Whose smell are you trying to wash away?*
“Fine…” he hisses. His hands leave my body and turns to his other side, our backs one against the other.
“Where have you been?” I ask him shyly
He sighs “clubbing with Mark, you should have come”
“Why did you shower?” and I regret asking him the moment I hear my words filling the air.
A long silence follows, until I feel his weight shifting on the mattress. He switches the lights on and I see him sitting on the bed. His arms crossed. “What are you trying to say?”
I rub my eyes “nothing…it’s just…unusual”
“Fuck it is! You think I had a quickie with some girl before coming back home! You are really pissing me off!” he yells
“What am I supposed to think? You disappear for the entire day, you come back and…”
He points his finger at me, his eyes are so narrow I don’t think he can really see me “I’m warning you, don’t say it!”
“It? What is IT supposed to mean? What other reason you’d have to shower?” I’m so mad I’m losing control. “I’m the one who stayed home! Do you think I enjoy feeling like shit 24/7?”
He gets off the bed “Few days since the baby madness has started and you already act like you’re possessed. You’re controlling, passive aggressive and I hate when you act like scary spice. I’ll sleep in the guests’ room”. He grabs his pillow “when you hear from the woman I felt in love with let me know, you can’t miss her, she’s smart, fun and sexy” and slams the door closed.
I bury my head under the duvet and start crying myself to sleep.


I wake up very early the next morning. I slowly look around me as taking a mental picture. I open the wardrobe and I try to reach for a duffle bag that is on the upper shelf. I stretch as much as I can but I can barely touch it with my fingertip. Before I can reach for a chair so I can climb on it Howard’s hand circles my waist from behind. His chest against my back “let me…” he whispers. I close my eyes, I can hear he’s fighting the tears too.
He hands me the duffle bag and sits on the bed watching me as I put some of my stuff inside it.
There’s nothing we can say or do. I’ve known all along I couldn’t have them both and I chose my baby.
“Stop it... I should go, I mean, you’re pregnant”
“Nonsense!” I interrupt him “this is your house. The only thing that belongs to me in here is the rocking chair in your study an a couple of fridge magnets”
I close the zip of the bag and tuck my hair behind my ears “that’s all for now. I’ll come back for the rest later, if you don’t mind…”
He’s still sitting, gently grabs my hand and pulls me to him. He buries his face on my belly “I didn’t mean for this to happen…I just can’t…I’m not ready, but I will always take care of you”
“DON’T YOU DARE SAYING THAT”
He jumps “I’m sorry I mean…”
I caress his hair, “I know…I don’t want your money Howard, and I don’t want you to talk about it. It’s all my fault, I mistook you for a grown-up” and I kiss his head. “Let me go now” and I feel a lump in my throat.
He holds me even tighter “just a minute” he looks up at me “I couldn’t sleep last night, the only thing I could think of was our first kiss. Do you remember?”
“It seems ages ago” I whisper playing with his curls.

*Flashback*
I was working in my office at King’s College, office hours represent one of the most boring activity known to mankind. I heard a knock on my door “Come in” I said. I turned toward the door to see him standing right in front of me.
“Howard?!” I said surprised
“Hi, I had to bring something to Jo and I thought I could stop by and say hello, but if you’re busy…”
“Don’t be silly, please sit down” and I was just hoping he couldn’t see all my pores screaming *yes!*
“It was fun last night. Jo’s a great cook”.
“She is”.
“What about you, do you cook?”
“You know when people say eggplant parmesan or stew taste better the day after? Well, mine taste better the day before”.
“Right” and burst out his loud belly laughter.
….
“I wish I drove you home last night” he continued “but since you’re staying at Jo’s, I guess walking you to your bedroom was out of the question… have you found an apartment yet?”
“No, still looking” *talk woman talk, you are famous for never shut up*
“If you need help, I could drive you places”
“Thanks I’d love that”
“Good…” and he breathed deep “Jo once told me about women’s silly rules when it comes to dating. She said she kisses a guy only on the second date, what about you?”
I looked at him amused.
“Not that I care, I’m just carrying out a survey…” he said playfully.
“Third date, I would never let anyone near me before then” I said serious, teasing him.
“Fair enough.” And his index finger started playing with the hem of my skirt “would you like to go out with me sometimes?”
“I’d love that very much” and I swallowed hard. Tension was building between us, the type of sexual tension I’ve never felt before.
“Tonight? We could have dinner, and maybe a movie”
“Perfect” *too fast, you need to slow down, he’ll think you’re desperate*
“I’ll pick you up at 7” and he stood up. He walked to the door and asked me “how would you describe a date?”
“Me? I don’t know… two people spending time together, chatting, having a good time...hopefully” and I giggled
He nodded and waved goodbye.
I went back writing emails when there was another knock on the door. “Come in” I repeated.
“I was wondering” and Howard was literally marching toward me “the weather is simply gorgeous today. Don’t you think it is perfect for a picnic in the park?”
“I guess” I answered surprised while he was gently pushing me against the wall, “what are you doing Howard?” Just the feel of him touching me sent chills down my spine.
His eyes locked into mine “it sounds like chatting to me, Englishmen love talking about the weather, don’t you know? And I’m having fun, so I guess it qualifies as a date”
I bit my lip trying not to laugh. “I don’t walk around kissing men I’ve just met”
“Neither do I” and caressed my hair. “I came in, left and came in again, plus dinner last night. It makes three, three dates” he whispered leaning to kiss me, our first kiss. He was so handsome. The tip of my tongue barely touched his lower lip. Slowly tracing it's outline, teasing. I pulled back to look into his eyes and I saw the pure desire in his gaze. A shiver of anticipation ran down my spine. My hands touched his face, holding it still and I pulled him close. His lips parted slightly, and I gently kissed his lower lip, controlling the kiss. Making it my kiss to him and not allowing him to move. Gently I begin to lick his lip again, growing more daring I slowly pulled it into my mouth. Slow, tiny little sucks to his lip. I felt him melt into me, and I kissed him deeply. He tickled his fingers through my hair. I moaned as he glided his fingers along the back of my neck. My mind was spinning as his hands continued caressing me. It was like the soft touch of his lips was bringing me back to life and I kissed him deeply again as he squeezed my body tight. I pulled away trying to catch my breath, he was looking at me smiling “just for information’s sake” and I could see he was struggling to find the words “sex, what about sex, what date would it be possible?” and his fingers were tracing slow circles on my sides while his body was rocking against mine.
I lazily kissed his jaw “that is a secret…you’ll just have to wait and see” I whispered.
He groaned into my ear “how am I supposed to play if I don’t know the rules?”
“I never said it was going to be a fair game” and I kissed him again long and hard.

Almost a year later his hands are still on my sides. To say goodbye this time. “I really have to go now” I tell him freeing myself from his embrace.
He takes the bag from my hand “let me carry it for you”.
“No”.
But his look leaves no room for arguing. I lower my head and walk downstairs. I get to the door “I can take it from here Howard”.
“Where are you going to stay?”
“At Jo’s, I mean she doesn’t know yet but I’m sure she won’t have any problem in putting up with my dreadful company”. I caress his face “I’ll let you know as soon as I have a new address”
He lets the bag fall on the floor and hugs me burying his face into my neck.
“Howard please”.
But his hand is slowly smoothing down my thigh ever so gently. I lift my head to say something, but I don’t know what. My eyes open and blink away the tears. His eyes, his beautiful blue eyes hypnotize me. My body begs him continue but my mind fights it.
He knows it, and starts a series of passionate kisses, tongues touching, tasting. One hand is on my lower back, pulling me in, making me feel his desire. The other, is holding my head in place as we kiss. Down, kissing down my neck. His body weight pushes me against the door. One hand moves to gently pull my hair, forcing my head back, leaving my neck exposed for his kisses, his tongue. The other hand slides down my body softly touching my breast. Fingers lightly touch my nipple through the thin material of my dress. My breath comes in short gasps as my body respond to his touch. Still kissing, kissing down my neck.
“Babe we can’t…” I try to say
But his fingers are already quietly reaching down. I feel a light touch and hear a soft moan escape from his lips as he feels how wet I am. He kneels in front of me, fingers hooking the sides of my panties pulling them down slowly. Kisses my tummy, kissing lower and lower. My panties are tossed aside.
“Shushhh” he begs. Fingers gently parting me, making room for his tongue. I gasp leaning back against the door to steady me. My legs open slightly, involuntarily. He places his hands on my thighs. “Look at me” he commands. I do and I nod. He kisses me and the moment his lips crash into mine he enters me, with one strong thrust. I wrap my arms around his neck. It’s only grunts and moans until he comes inside me.
He holds me there, leaning against the door when he eventually takes a step backwards. We’re not looking at each other, I put my skirt back down and get the bag off the floor. I close the door behind me leaving my old life behind.